Gals..... PLEASE listen to everyone of these!!!
I have been thru several of these, and doubting my current BF.
This really helped!! Thanks!

i'm seriously considering getting back with my ex, i've got his hopes up, and now i've read this i'm so so confused. argh :| very very helpful though so thank you!!! xxx

does not cook for you...

does not have close friends close by doing things regularly with them....

keeps you all locked up...gets jealous when you ever leave the house....

look at the parents history of alcoholism....MigHt be something to pay attention too...it digests in everyones body differently like fruit...different kinds people are allergic to...same with alcohol types...vodka vs beer...

does not care if you mix prescription drugs and alcohol....that it is a huGe red flag....i should have paid attention to that...i think my husband wouldn't care if i died....livingagain...thank goodness i escaped him...

I sooo agree with warning sign #3. My ex-boyfriend wouldn't physically hurt me, but just the fact that he was very possessive and controlling really made me feel down, doubting, and frustrated about whether I wanted to continue with him. Well, it ended and, even though I still have feelings for him, I am so glad I don't have to report to him every second and I feel free like a bird.

Coping over what I posted on Facebook because I think it needs said...
Good lord, people actually care about going out with a flirt? Sorry but I'm secure enough in myself to know he'd be coming home to me...I'm a big flirt, doesn't mean anything though. Oh and also - problem with porn because you've caught him looking at it on his computer once? Grow up blokes will be blokes. I'm pretty sure every guy I've ever went out with looked at porn on occasion, certainly isn't a sackable offence!

PS - That wasn't meant quite as harsh or rude as it came across. Just think some of those points are a little OTT.

dudettes of the world i mist say some of this is a load of bull. okay cuz he mite get jst a teeny possesive if u have a zillion and a half guy friend s who are wayyy close to u cuz then he is in constant fear of losing you. just always make sure u remind him its him who has ur heart. thats what ive found best and hell im only 15. also just becuz he isnt perfct doesnt mean he isnt a good enough an cuz face it the females are the better sex in a few ways and also they act stupid and goofy to impress u.

I agree with Heather Martin. Though many of these points are valid, some of them are a little over the top. EVERY guy has watched porn on occasion. Yes, if he has a problem with it, THEN thats would be a reg flag. But if it's the normal for guys, you shouldn't just leave him, that only makes you look jealous and insecure. Same with flirting. guys and girls flirt, sometimes not meaning to. Every guy has their flaws. If you want your man loving you despite your flaws, you should do the same. Like I said, most of these points are accurate, but some it's just taking away from the guy persona. It's like saying "Oh, girls aren't allowed to joke and cut around with other men because that means she's not the right one for you." Remember, men are human too.

Some of these points are blindingly obvious, such as #3, #5 etc but #7? I totally disagree with. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years we have a strong relationship, even considering marriage. He's a very strict christian and I'm an atheist. It's not a huge deal because we love and respect each other for who we are - not who we think each other should be. I'm not trying to be harsh or say it works in every case but I don't think you should ditch a great guy just because you don't agree on everything.

Also agreeing with Heather about the porn thing; I saw that and frowned. The woman who wrote this is being biased. Guys like looking at naked ladies. This is hardly anything new. I read that married men are actually more likely to look at porn than single men -- that doesn't mean he's not into his wife, it just means his sex engine is a little more revved up.

The point about different religions struck me as wrong, too. I can understand the logic behind it, but it's flawed logic. It's the logic of someone who can't respect someone else's religious perspective. I've heard of a lot of marriages that have lasted in spite of religious differences, but they lasted because the partners respected each other and discussed/agreed upon how to raise the kids.

I can see a flaw in the argument for #17 as well, about caring for children from past relationships. Sometimes, the situation doesn't allow it. He may have signed away his rights to the children; the mother may not want the kids anywhere near him (and that doesn't necessarily reflect on him; she might be a nutbar). Find out the situation before making a judgment call.

#19 sounds kinda flimsy, too. I mean, good for you if you've figured out what you want in a husband, but if you've gone and invented this perfect prince charming in your head, maybe you need to step back and accept the blessings reality has given you. Don't settle for a creep, obviously, but don't pass over a diamond in the rough, either.

I do think some of these were over the top. Doesn't matter who the guy is, he will not be absolutely perfect. there is no such thing. And every guy I know has looked at and/or still looks at porn. But while some people say some of them are obvious: I have a friend who dates a guy and doesn't follow the obvious ones, He's choked her, he drinks, doesn't work, doesn't pay his child support... she doesn't care. She's not scared of him either. She is just too insecure to not be in a relationship.

Maybe so but they way it's written is very OTT. It actually scares me that people would walk away from a perfectly good releationship because of half these things. I think the writer of this needs to grow some common sense - men are not perfect, women are not perfect...deal with it and decide yourself if he's good enough for you.

I just have to say one thing about the porn thing.. Who ever made it OK for a person to look at another naked? It should be highly stressed as a problem because we as women are making up excuses for men! I think this is only ok if you both were watching it together. If you aren't watching it together in my opinion it's cheating.. And Women do you not realize that there is a huge percentage of men that are addicted to porn become child molesters?? That is a HUGE red flag! I'm not insecure in any way but if a man doesn't get rid of the porn when we are together and feels that he still needs it than that's an issue. Stop making up excuses for men. This was never ok, and it's very sad that women allow this to go on. If you aren't watching it together than he shouldn't be watching it at all. It's very degrading to women. Think About it! I have alot of guy friends who are awesome guys who don't watch porn and agree that it is absolutely cheating. So there are guys who don't watch it.

Most of the things on this list that are true are obvious. He beats you, psychologically torments you, your kids, friends, family all don't like him, he has lied to you...
But let's get this straight. Porn is a healthy way (for most people who have healthy sex lives) to get that sort of thing out of their system. I watch porn. My boyfriend watches porn. We watch it together and apart. It's a non-issue. If there is no emotional attachment, I don't consider it actually cheating.
Drugs and alcohol are okay to a degree. Yes, you and your man should be safe. Yes, you should seek help if either of you are addicted. But it shouldn't be a deal breaker unless either of you are morally against it, or you have addictive personalities, and it will become a problem.
Flirting with other men or women should be fine. I have a rule. As long as it's for the thrill, and not love or sexual attraction, it's not a big deal. Sometimes it's just for fun.
If he has lied to you once or twice, give him a break, especially if it's over nothing. Yes, be wary if he lies or keeps important things from you, but I'm sure all of you have lied once or twice to your significant other.
And finally, the hitting thing. Under ANY circumstance, he's not allowed you hit you? Are you kidding? What about all that crazy loving? S&M should be excluded from this rule. If you're not cool with it, then okay I agree, that's crossing a line, but if you're both into it, I say go for it.

And as for deal breakers in my relationships:
If he won't communicate with me, he's gone. I want to know when something is bugging him, or if he made a mistake. Internalizing all those feelings just leads to pain later. Also, if he doesn't want to hear what I have to say about the relationship, it's not a relationship anymore.
If he patronizes me or tries to make me feel inferior.
If he lies repeatedly.
If he is distant or doesn't spend enough time with me. Conversely, if he feels like he needs to spend all of his time with me.
If he doesn't like my friends or family, or they don't like him. If I can't hang out with him in a group.
If he only focuses on how I look, not what I do or say.
If he's boring. God, I cannot stand talking to someone who doesn't read about anything, or doesn't have concepts or ideas of his own. I can't stand talking to someone who only has one interest, or only gives me generic answers. Give me some substance, dammit.
Coupled with a few of the basic ones above (doesn't abuse me, doesn't cheat, etc.)

Good points, however, #'s 15, 17 and 19 are complete bull. Here's why:

#15: The original sentence "He has a problem with pornography" is valid, however, the examples given for this pointer are completely different scenarios. Just because he may look at porn (whether by magazine, video, or internet) does not automatically make it a problem, there's a big line between the occassional viewer and an actual addict. The majority of men who view porn don't have addictions to it nor do they base their sex lives and the type of women they want to date on those standards. Plus if you've ever fantasized about other men (whether famous, someone you know, or just imaginary) and pleasured yourself to the thought or image of them, consider yourself guilty of this very same thing (porn is any form of adult/sexual material, pictures, movies and even books/forums so your little Harlequin Romances fall into the same category). Give men a little more credit and quit being a jealous prude.

#17: There's a difference between a deadbeat dad and one who made a mistake and is privately taking care of the matter. True, it is quite irresponsible of him to be skipping out on child support, but if he's at the very least paying for them, then who cares if he has a relationship with them? It's none of your business anyway, you know nothing of the situation between him and the mother. What if it was some stupid one-night stand mishap? Would trying to keep civil contact with a woman he barely knows just for the sake of a kid he didn't even want make him a better person/father? No. It's possible one day he will want a family of his own (a planned one at that) so don't discredit him just because he doesn't want contact or a relationship with his kid. People do this all the time btw, even women, it's called giving the kid up for adoption, so who knows...he may have relenquished all parenting rights to the mother. The only time your statement holds water is if A.) he's purposefully skipping out on child support or B.) they were planned children from a previous marriage (clearly that's just wrong).

#19: No person, male or female, will ever fill out someone's mental checklist for a mate exactly. You need to have standards, this is true, but try to be realistic about them and at the same time open to new people and possibly having to sacrifice some of those standards.

I would like to make a small arguement about the religion one as well. Just because your the same religion doesn't mean your beliefs are the same. Take Christianity, there are SO many different denominations. My bf is Evangelical and I'm Nondenominational, we have discussed the Bible and it's meanings and though we agree for the most part there are things that we acknowledge we don't agree upon, yet it's never an issue because we don't make it one. People of different religions will obviously have a much more difficult time with this, however, if they truly love eachother they shouldn't let that get in their way.

Hmm...I just broke up with my boyfriend for the lying part, but none of the other ones are an issue. How many have to be an issue for you not to be with someone lol

I think it's funny, if you read a Cosmo, it'll tell you the porn thing is only an issue if porn replaces sex in your relationship. Then, you might wanna think about why that happened. Not to say its any one in particulars fault, but perhaps reconnecting is in order.

It has made me accept the fact tat MyEx was so not for me... He had All the qualities a Mr.WRONG would have... I felt i m actually looking at him while goin thru the article )

Thanks a Ton!

just a thought...for those of you that are talking about the porn or the religion tips, these are based mostly on statistics. they do not always apply to a relationship in real life. some of them are obvious (controlling, domestic violence), but they are just the leading causes of divorce. this is a well-intentioned article, and the author was not necessarily being a tightwad. just saying. :P

I do not mean to be negative, however you are extremly wrong with so many of these. I am happily married for 27 years and let me tell you my side of the following:
Warning Sign #1: He doesn't treat his mother well. ---some people just do not get along with others. My husband, who is more in love with me today that ever before, treats me with respect. His relationship with his mother is awful! The same goes for my sister husband. This should not be a warning sign. This just means that there have been problems, and maybe you he just needs support and help seeing things from a females perspective.

Warning Sign #7: He doesn't share the same religious beliefs as you.
I am a strict Catholic and he is a strict Jew. While i go to church, he practices his beliefs at the temple. Our children were brough up learning about both religions. While my daughter chose to be Catholic, both my sons are Jewish. We respect each others decisions. This is the best part of our relationship, respect.

Warning Sign #19: He doesn't meet all of the qualities you've dreamed for in a husband.
My husband was not all there when i started dating him. He wasn't Mr.Right when i met him. Just because he doesn't do the things you like, or doesn't wear his cloths the way you like, or isn't as noticable of the things you wish. doesn't mean he won't learn. My husband learned how to do things the way i liked.. he took notice of how i dream my Mr.Right to be... he wanted to change for me because he loved me and cared about our future togther..

Now i have a question for you.....
When you are 87 years old, grey and saggy, will YOU be attractive? Looks have nothing to do with LOVE. in the end, all you will have left is LOVE... Soem things, you just have to learn how to look past.. don't be shallow. Love is so much deeper than that..

In my honest opinion, the author of this article has never seen love.

Even though some points are true, i think this should be revised. Love is a feeling that looks past the imperfections.

Ps-- why is porn bad? I think its great educational videos. That's what eyes are for, to look. As long as they don't touch, i don't see a problem with it.

As some people have pointed out, porn isn't all that bad. it can also relate to the point where "are you physically attracted to him?" because there still ARE virgins out there (i can attest to that!) who would not know what to do in bed if not for porno.

However, I would like to say the points stated aren't all bad either. and on top of that, I would like to modify #5 a llittle:

Has he ever been emotionally/physically abusive to you?

people tend to forget abuse isn't just a physical thing. Criticism isn't the only way to hurt someone. I had a boyfriend who would cry when he cheated on me, because he "couldn't lose me" and stalked me for ages instead of letting me have the time out to decide what to do. Then proceeded to go on a hunger strike to further prove how he couldn't live without me so me, in my naivety, felt bad enough to forgive him.

There's plenty of other things I can mention along the emotional abuse lines, but if you just sit down and look around I am sure people can start identifying the emotional abuse that they get...

I'm going to have to disagree and say #15 IS a valid issue. I'm currently engaged to a man who has a full-blown addiction. It DOES exist, and it has almost caused us to break up several times. I'm sticking with him because he is willing to get help for the sake of our relationship and our child. I can't even allow "occasional" porn use for him because it literally is like allowing the former alcoholic to have the "occasional" alcohol... It causes him to relapse. A porn addiction is different than the guy who just uses it every once in a while in the fact that it comes at the detriment to other parts of his life, such as relationships with friends and family, neglecting other things that need to be done (ie jobs and personal hygiene), and turning to lying to hide what he's doing. The internet makes porn so easily accessible that it is very easy to fall into an addiction. If you ask a guy whether or not he's addicted, he'll undoubtedly say no, but tell him to go a week without porn, and then see if he can actually follow through.
On top of that... Those of you saying that women who don't like their men to look at porn are insecure, immature prudes, are you kidding me? How rude! I am NOT insecure with my relationship, but I know that allowing my man to get off to other women or flirt with them is disrespectful to me and our relationship. My fiance knows this as well. Perhaps he can see it better than anyone else BECAUSE he has an addiction.
But whatever. To each their own. If you're okay with your guy looking at other women, that's your deal, and all the more power to you.

This is making me want to get back with my ex even more because the only thing wrong with our relationship is the religion one. I'm Jewish, he's agnostic, but it was never a problem for us. He celebrated Hanukkah with me last year and I went to his house and celebrated Christmas with him on Christmas morning. So that wasn't a problem with us at all!