ArticleThe Boy Next Door
Literally. Back in November my two girlfriends and I moved from one apartment to the other right across the hall. Lucky for us two nice, normal guys moved in our old place (hello handymen and bug killers!) One thing led to another and one of the guys and I began to "hang out" a lot. Fast forward 3 months and I now see him every evening, and I sleep at his place pretty much every night. The nights that I don't sleep there he always comes over right in the morning to wake me up. I have the best of both worlds because we work all day, i go to the gym, relax, and also get to see him everyday while still having my space. We also managed to wait 2 months before having sex (even though we slept in the same bed every night). I recently went away on business and we talked every night when I got back to the hotel, and he always texted me cute messages saying how much he missed me and how lonely his bed was without me.
My question/concern is this: Would it be out of the blue if I brought up the relationship conversation? We are pretty much bf/gf in the way that we spend our time together and don't see or sleep with anyone else. I know people can argue, its just a title, if you are having fun who cares? Which I agree. However, there is something very different that happens when you put that title on it. You begin a relationship with that person and get to know them, their families, and every aspect of your life because you want them to be a part of it.
Background on both of us: I was in a 2 1/2 year relationship through college until last June with a guy who was madly in love with me, but was also unmotivated and mentally abusive. He was in a relationship all of college (4 years) and was cheated on when he moved away right after graduation. So, we both have a lot of prior issues that we have dealt with, although we don't really talk about it very often.
What do you think? Would you bring it up, or just keep on sailing and "hanging out"? I believe that I am ready to hop on another relationship; especially after hitting the horrible dating scene in NY.
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Hmm.... I think you should have the talk. But don't just throw it at his face. Start off slow, maybe something like, "I have something important to talk to you about." Then "Well, I've come to realize we spend a lot of time together, and we already have a sort of boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, though we are not actually together. And so, I was kind of wondering, what exactly are we? And where do I stand in your life?" Something like that. And then just go from there.
If you do decide to talk to him, then GOOD LUCK :DDD Hope it all goes well for you both [:
Hmm... personally (and I respect Nora's opinion) I don't think I'd bring the topic quite the way Nora said you should... If I were you, I wouldn't make it sound so important (even if it is!). It might make him feel uncomfortable, under pressure (or even a little scared), if he is not ready to actually have that conversation. He's probably trying to take it slow so as to avoid getting hurt (given his background, it's only natural to be scared), or he might be afraid of your reaction. A lot of girls are afraid of the whole "bf+gf" label. He might think it's too early for that. After all, 3 months, although a quarter of a year, are only 12 weeks ;) Plus, you've basically only just started having sex. What I make of this is, he really likes you, he obviously treats you like a girlfriend, and he's actually telling you "you're my girlfriend" with his actions, but maybe he just wants to wait a little longer to actually say it with words.You might want to raise the topic in a more indirect way. Like, tell him you really like him/ spending time with him, and the way things are going between the two of you... and then wait for his response/ reaction. If he doesn't say anything, I'd suggest you wait a little longer. The way he acts, he wants you to be his girlfriend, and he'll eventually say something, but maybe he's just not ready yet. Or maybe he's just waiting for you to give him a hint? I asked the "what are we?" question in a very mature way once... I knew it was too early, but I had only a couple of days to decide whether I should move out-of-state 3 months from then, or stay where we lived. This guy seemed to be really into me, and very keen on "going formal" and "doing things right". He ended up getting cold feet two days before I submitted my decision... dumped me without telling me, never called back. Needless to say, I chose to move out-of-state (which was actually what I wanted to do and what I would have done anyway if I hadn't met him). I don't mean to scare you, I just wanted to share my personal experience with you and let you know I know how you feel. Fingers crossed for the two of you! And I hope you can officially call him "your boyfriend" soon! (which I'm sure you will!). Good luck!
First of all, thank you so much for the advice! I am definitely going to take a lot of it... and let you know how it goes! Your friends must love to come to you with problems because you are amazing at helping out. Thank you thank you!
Aww you're so sweet! You're welcome! I'm always glad to be of help. :) Definitely let me know how it goes! (feel free to add me on facebook too if you want!). Good luck!
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Well what do you want out of it? Are you thinking long term or not. if you are then yeah talk to him about it, if not dont even bother...
I think everything seems to be going smoothly he clearly cares about you.Why spoil a good thing. I think if a man wants to be with you he will. If he wants you to be his "girlfriend" he'll say it and make it clear somehow.I agree with Vanessa's opinion.You may scare him off is he isn't ready to make it official.
Well yer story pretty much is how my fiance and I started out, including waiting a few months to sleep together!!!!!! I think if everything is going fine, don't ruin it (like Emma says). Things will either work out (hopefully :D ) or they won't whether or not you have the conversation!!!
After a couple of months of dating and before we slept together I maintained in public that we were not an "item".
He started getting upset one night and kinda yelled out "IS IT THAT BAD TO TO THINK OF ME AS YOUR BOYFRIEND?! "
After that we were officially an item!! :D