ArticleDating Don'ts: Two Biggest Mistakes...
There are definitely perks to being single, but most of us are on a mission or at least hoping to one day meet Mr. Right (myself included). However, I'll admit I've made plenty of mistakes when it comes to dating (and not just in choosing the dbags I thought I liked). So I was dying to ask Christian Carter, dating expert and author of “Catch Him & Keep Him”, what the biggest mistakes are we make when it comes to guys and dating.
Christian: There are 2 big mistakes women make and it's a "must" for them to avoid:
1) Not getting how ATTRACTION works for men, and how to create it. - If a man meets a woman who's smart, interesting, beautiful and has her life "together"... it doesn't mean he's going to like her, be interested, or be interested in more than just a casual thing. Men don't pick and choose to be interested in one kind of woman or another. A man's interest is captured or triggered by the magic emotion we call ATTRACTION.
If a man feels that intense ATTRACTION for a woman at a deep level, then there's almost nothing she can say or do that's going to keep him from wanting to be with her.
On the other hand, if a man DOESN'T FEEL that intense level of attraction for a woman, it doesn't matter how great of a person she is, or how much better of a partner or girlfriend she would make for a man... the man won't "feel it" for her.
A great example of this is how some men, who could choose from lots of different women who might be single and available, end up dating women who generally DON'T have their act and their life together. Lots of women see this and wonder what men are thinking. The reality is that with all the pros and cons that could and should be weighed in a man's mind, the single most important factor that decides whether a man will want to be with a woman or not isn't her resume or where she's at in her life. It's the level of ATTRACTION he feels for her, and if she continues to make him feel that attraction.
2) "The Instant Relationship" (Thinking and talking "relationship" too soon) - In my CD/DVD program "Meeting The One" I talk about how lots of men can meet a woman and have an incredible time on first meetings and the first few dates. But there's one thing that's guaranteed to spoil it when a man is just starting to think "Hey, this woman could really be the one." And that's for a woman to start talking about and/or asking for a committed and exclusive relationship within the first few dates or weeks.
Lots of women chalk men reacting this way to talking about the "Relationship" to men being afraid of commitment. I have found over the years that men, once they recognize a great woman and feel attracted to her, are as much or MORE interested in a committed relationship as women. That is... as long as a woman is not asking for or DEMANDING a relationship from the man and pushing too hard. When a man hears or feels that a woman is wanting or needing a relationship from the start, he will respond by feeling less open to the idea, and that spark of attraction will quickly shift and fade in the man.
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So with all this attraction stuff... how do we create it?!
I was curious about the same thing!!
that's what I was wondering too!
i dnt thnk u can create it for most guys
hmmm makes some sense....but its kinda sad.
What's really sad is that we as women have to learn from experts how to walk on eggshells around men we like as if they were babies. I'm 37 and I still don't understand men.
I dont think were supposed to understand men. If we did they would get boring. Its natures way of making sure we actually pair up lol
Wow that makes alot of sense...it's too bad I didn't hear it earlier. But how do we create the attraction??
I Think The Attraction All Depends On The Guy Not The Women....Its Not Like We Can Force A Man To be Attracted To Us You Know What I Mean?
I definitely think the attraction is based on the guy and not the woman... We're attracted to certain guys just like certain guys are attracted to us and ultimately we hopefully find a guy who's as attracted to us as we are to them.
then how on earth are we ever meant to find someone that is attracted to us and we're attracted to them.. love just doesn't seem like it will ever happen.
i would suggest that if u like a guy, and hes not a jerk like a lot of other guys are, be friends with him first. and if he starts liking you then, well, you know wat to do... :)
theres this guy and I know for a FACT that he is attracted to me...he's asked me to have sex with him (to which I politely declined because I'm too young and not married) and yet, he still preffers all these completely personality-less girls that are nothing like me. The attraction is there, but he isnt. whats wrong?
i think that if he's just interested in you because of the sex and not anything else well it means that he just wants one thing... well thats my opinion...
like you just said. hes asked u o have sex with him... if he prefers personality-lacking dimboz then its only yur body he's attracted to. its not him that likes you, its his balls.
He attracted to you but not in the way you want. He is Sexually attracted to you and once he fills that need he will more than likely not be interested. Good for you declining his crude invitation.
he doesn't want anything serious..
... and men think we're complicating.
TOTALLY AGREE
I agree completely. The guy is only after you for the sex.
I once had this guy text/call me all the time telling me how much he loved my body and how he so badly wanted to be intimate with me...
Of course I refused to give in so easily. I tried with all my might to get him to know me on a personal level first and once he saw that I actually had a brain and valued my body, the calls and text messages stopped. It sucked in a way because he was really attractive. But you don't ever want to be another notch on some guys belt.
I would just tell this guy to buzz off.
his penis is the only thing that has blood going to it. you want to wait for a guy that shares the blood flow with his brain too. =)
Men are actually very simple. Just as the person who posted this is saying. You cant make a guy be attracted to you just like they cant make you be attracted to them.
Personally I have found that if you stop looking for someone, they find you.
this only told me things i already knew and nothing on how to avoid cheater or dushbag
I have a friend who's a girl, and no matter where we go or what we do, guys always thing she's the most beautiful, hot thing ever. Why is she creating all that attraction?
I don't think it is attraction so much as ATTENTION. Attraction and attention are two totally different things. Attraction is more along the lines of feeling something deep for a person, caring about them and things such as that. Attention is more like what you are saying. People just NOTICE her. They see her looks and notice her.
They don't care about her, because they don't know her yet, but they DEFINATELY want her
I think that guys are much more about visuals than girls are. We all want to feel "chemistry"...but we will also look beyond physical attraction if that is all someone has going for them. With boys, I think it's ALL about physical or sexual attraction. If they don't instantly feel attracted, they are not going to put forth any effort to "get to know" a girl. I think confidence, or the APPEARANCE of it, is also key to being "attractive" to the opposite sex. It would be interesting to hear your view on how your friend looks, dresses and presents herself (personality, behaviour) at times when she seems to be attracting so much male attention. Maybe there's something to be learned? As long as it's positive, and not just being slutty.
Lets see, she's not THAT pretty, but very flirty, good with clothes, and she says she's confident lol. I don't really pay attention to whether or not she is
i have a similar issue, every single one of my male friends has been interested in me on an intimate dating level, though i am not blonde and big boobied.
i think its confidence, and lack of interest that gets a lot of men.
By lack of interest i mean not actively seeking their attention/approval.
i think laughter plays a big part in attraction. laughter is good and makes people bond.
dont tell jokes to get a laugh, tell funny stories that arent offensive to people.
blond women jokes always work.
I understand this. I've lived it. There is this guy who I've always had a huge thing for, but sometimes he can be over emotional and maybe a little bit of a jerk, but I love him. But before that happened, I tried to choose because I thought I liked this other guys too, but I didn't, I just wanted to, because he is an amazing guy but I figured out I felt nothing for him, I just wanted to stay close friends, but it was hard, because I wanted to like him but I didn't feel any attraction to him but I do with my boyfriend.
I actually bought the e-book and have read all his e-mails... It's information that will help you in your love and personal life.
It is different when you get info from women than men since most of us are dating men.
I liked it a lot just because it gave me the insight of a guy's mind from a male perspective Pretty honest, real and straight- forward.
A MUST READ
Men are less complicated than we think... they're actually very simple. Don't rush things because of "instant attraction" you'll most likely end up breaking up in the near future. I do recommend being friends and really getting to know the person- without sex. The worst mistake is to jump into a relationship without REALLY knowing the guy. Trust me I did that and whoa the person I thought he was....wasn't. We all do it.. I mean we show the non-jealous, smart, "perfect" side to us. NO one is perfect...
I have a major problemo of delaying gratification/satifaction....learning to SLOW down this process has been way more successful and you don't get hurt.
Although I agree with the first part, I feel the second part is more case by case. Some men like to jump in a relationship quickly, and instigate the relationship themselves. I also feel its okay for a woman to ask if they are interested in being committed, as long as they are not PUSHING. Just ask once and let him think about it. If your not getting an answer wait a month or whatever and calmly ask where they are at with the idea again. Most of my relationships have started quickly though, at the guy's asking, and I will say you need to be careful with it. You really want to make sure you know this guy well enough before you agree to commit, or that relationship is going to be over pretty fast.
I fall into the "Demanding relationships" category. How can I change that?
men jus suck..... dont ya thnk?
yeah, they do, i agree with you, unfortunately..and i think i do believe in the 'attraction' thing too, sadly... :( too bad we can't make the ones we want fall for us huh!
yeah they do XD, but what people have to remember is that we are animals and like animals we are attracted to a person by their hormones and how their genes have something which ours need, hmm that doesnt make much sense can anyone understand what i am trying to say?
omg. me and my bestie (who's a boy) were just talking about this with my current situation. it sux this is tha reality.
so overall how do we create attraction??
I think theres no way to create attraction. Attraction just either is or isnt. Sometimes you feel it since when you meet a guy and sometimes you dont feel it even if youd want. And I think its the same with guys...
awwwww thanxs...
sometimes i was like...
WHY HE DOSENT LOVE ME?
and i didnt realize that maybe he
dosent have that attraction to me
no matter how pretty i am...
or how smart i can get
yeiii this is mii first cOomment! ♥
i think that men and womans initial attraction is physical. Are you gonna give a guy the time of day if you do not initially find him physically attractive?
ok..i dated this guy for like 2 months and everything was going great..he was asking me if i saw us going somewhere...i told him yes...i have been hurt several times in the past so it is hard for me to show my feelings easily...anyway after about 2 months he finds out his ex girlfriend is prego! so he decided to try to be with her just because of the baby..my question is what do i do when i know the attraction is still there for the both of us..we still talk everyday and not like just friends would talk..what should i do????
you need to post this as its own question, you will get more responses that way.
Good Luck.
never thought of that....thanks!
I am happy to say that I have already found the one, but I have to say that that is truelly great advice. All you single women out there need to take notes on that one.
so why is it that sometimes a girl and a guy are like best friends and then at some point they fall in love??? i mean the attraction theory doesnt really work there, does it???
i understand all of the attraction part but how do you know if its attraction and not lust? because there is a fine line in that and it can be hard to tell.
i dont completely agree with this. sure, guys sometimes are just not going to be attracted to you, but if your a the most attractive woman in the world,he is going to be interested. so, i think it really just depends on the man.
Like everyone else, how do we "create the attraction"? I'm not saying that I want to force the attraction down his throat, but how do we know for sure how we know that the guy is positivity attracted so we can act upon it,even for some of the girls that don't have that much confidence in themselves?
P.S. I kind of needed to hear this. I'm having issues in the guy department right now. : /