ArticleHow do I handle the break up?
My boyfriend of just over 3 months broke up with me two nights ago. I had taken his phone and was looking through his texts and saw one that he had sent to his last ex saying that he was going to break up with me, this had been the second time I had looked through their converstation, I didn't see anything where they wanted to get back together, or any other clues that would tip me off as being "not right", they are just friends.
I asked him if there was something he wanted to tell me, and then I got the horrible news.
The reason was because he had recently got accepted into the University of Washington so he is moving soon after christmas. He'll be 13 hours away and he doesn't think long distance relationships work out well at all. He asked me would I have rather had him move away pretending everything is okay and then break up over the phone or text. He had a point. Also, he knew that I was commited to him and that I wanted to be with him forever. He had these mutual feelings as well but since I can't be there with him, commited to him, which consists of living together, is thrown out the window. He also mentioned that every time he would go out with friends that he would feel guilty about me not being with him. (Your opinion please)
However, he still offered that we could be friends and maybe later on down the raod in a couple of years we will see where we are and go from there. But he hasn't been wanting me to take him home from work, which is faster than riding the bus, which I think is a friendly thing to do. I don't know what this means? (I'd like your opinion on that) College finals are in about a week and because of this I don't think I will do too well. I have felt awful this past day, crying to the point of a headache, feeling dehydrated, which probably worsened the headache, and I can hardly eat anything because my stomach feels so horrible. I need a distraction but don't have one, I moved to Utah for college and in this first semester of school I haven't made a single friend, I've told one friend from California about this but it really wasn't any help. Now that he is leaving I feel like I did before I met him, alone.
I never thought this would have happened to me after all the hell he went through in his previous relationships, he was always the one getting the bad news. His last ex (the one he sent the text to) left him for another guy, I know that he isn't smart enough to get back with her (she still is in a relationship with that other guy). Maybe he just wanted a break, he does well in school and is a big book of facts because of all the things he knows. In Washington he is going for a Neurobiology degree, he may just want to be focused on that and until we are done with school further in the future, maybe I will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. So having all said this, I need some advice on how to get through it, also I'd like your opinion on all of this. Thanks in advance! Sorry this is so long, but I really appreciate it.
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first , thank goodness it was only three months.. But breaking up sucks.. no matter what.. Let yourself feel as sad as you need to . then let it go and do something for you.. it will take a bit of time but you will get there. As far as friends go.. hmm i have never found that to be a plan.. Depends on who you are. personally.. I find if you are more invested than him then it will make it tougher on yourself if you do this. I would recommend no.. but that is only a suggestion.. good luck.. ps.. it does not matter what he is doing.. only what you want and you need.. !..
first , thank goodness it was only three months.. But breaking up sucks.. no matter what.. Let yourself feel as sad as you need to . then let it go and do something for you.. it will take a bit of time but you will get there. As far as friends go.. hmm i have never found that to be a plan.. Depends on who you are. personally.. I find if you are more invested than him then it will make it tougher on yourself if you do this. I would recommend no.. but that is only a suggestion.. good luck.. ps.. it does not matter what he is doing.. only what you want and you need.. !..
I'm not good with breakups, but if he won't stay in a long distance relationship with you for a while, then there's a deeper issue. I know it's different for everyone, but me and my girlfriend are in a long distance relationship, it takes me a whole day on a bus to get there... but we make it worth, because we know it'll all work out on the end. Long distance relationships can be good...they help you build trust and it proves devotion. Three months is a long time, but if he's not ready for a ldr, then i'm sure it's more than just the move.
Best of luck tho <3 Don't know if i helped at all.
Ufff, well i partially went through this, but i was the one moving away, yet he still decided to break up with me. It is a Horrible feeling, this i know!! But i had no help and i just had to let time heal, {this was 5 years ago, and i have to admit i got over the situation about a 1 year 1/2 ago.} But you should try an keep ur mind busy to try and block out the hurt, get into sometype of group, umm like reading or cleaning thse type of groups that help around the environment, the needy, children etc.That may also help u meet new ppl and begin to make friends. GO OUT!! Whether to the park or swiming, shopping, something that can do on your own {being that u r alone}. What im trying to ay is keep your mind busy so u wont have time to think inthe pain and hurt only on the fun ur having. I hope u my get through this, its sooo hard when u have to face it alone but i now u can get through this.
Okay, soo not to be a debbie downer but if you and him were planing to be together for ever only after 3 months thats sad. Try being with someone for 4 years, planning a wedding and them them telling you after they planned the wedding with you that they dont want to be with you anymore, and they are only transfering to a school about an hour away.. get out of your doorm make some kick ass friends go out party and make him jealous that your doing fine with out him youll be fine. your probably 18.. getting married probably is out of the question right now soo stop thinking about it.
I agree. 18 is still to young to get married. One of my friends was going to get married but she called it off because he was being abusive. If her mama wouldnt of said anything about it, she would've been in an abusive marriage and there would've been no way out. One committed, always committed and that means staying true to the vows you said on your wedding day regurdless.
Psychology shows that distance typically doesn't make the heart grow fonder. Maybe this is a good thing. Better than the heartbreak of being so far away from him. (Long distance would kill me because of how physically close I like to be.)
This relationship was only three months, dear. You'll move on. And you'll make friends at Uni (I haven't yet, either, but I have faith).
If you like to read, I recommend that you pick up a copy of "Pug Hill" by Alison Pace. There's a sideline story in there that I was reminded of whilst reading your post. If you have hopes of getting back with him someday, you'll like the story.
you dont need a boyfriend anyhow your in college make the most out of it, college is pretty much how your going to get anywhere in life. sooo fuck him in the butt and move on!
gay
mammma mia... ok firstly, you are allowed to feel grief over this...
ive been in a similar situation probably twice... i meet an amazing guy, fall head over heels, and then about three months later (or sometimes a little less), he leaves (or decides that he is over comitted ) and can't deal with a relationship right now. i blamed myself a lot and i would take a really long time to move on...
trust me when i say your best bet is to keep yourself occupied :-) make some new friends (easily done if you form study groups at uni) and take some of your frustration out on a sport to relieve exam tension and help your sleeping and eating patterns to return to normal.
hope this helps!
personally I think he's being an ass. My husband is in the military, long distance relationships work if you are will to put in a little bit of extra effort [its not really that hard if you truly care about each other]! Before we got married we were 3000 miles about....13 hours is only one long day in a car. He claims he wants to stay your friend which is "nice" but once he goes to his new school his true color will show on that front. idk maybe he think's it will be easier...it was only 3 months, so maybe he felt it was better to "get out" then stay in a relationship with you; maybe he thought he was doing you a favor, and making himself one less thing to worry about in your life since he'll be away. I know that when I'm miles away from my hubby I worry about him for the stupidest reasons. Break-ups can be hard, before my hubby and I got married there was a beyond nasty break-up and its totally ok to cry and fall apart!! do you have anyone you can turn to about it? maybe even your mom? I know my mom let me cry all over her.
I'm sorry to hear that you feel you have no friends at school, I tend to feel the same way at school and even where I live sometimes [I moved 3000 miles from home when I married my hubby] All I can say is try and find a hobby; maybe you can meet new people that way, I know its close to the end of the semester but is there a group on campus that you think is interesting? or maybe a sorority? I wish you the best of luck in finding your nitch at school!!
I think that you have some "trust" problems if you think it's ok to snoop on your boyfriend's phone. And he should be getting his own way home from work...
You should probably read "Codependent No More" or "The New Codependent" and try to develop some healthy relationship tactics before getting in too deep with someone.
I don't mean to sound heartless, but guys might be more attracted to someone who isn't so dependent. Work on yourself first!
there is a difference between being a snoopy girlfriend and being suspicious. maybe she felt going through it was appropriate according to his behavior or something earlier. just stay a little more open minded.
Actually, it's not okay either which way. I mean, break ups hurt but in a way, maybe it's a good thing it's happened so soon. But say he had gone thru her phone. It would be a whole different ballpark if he had done the same to her, which is an odd (and stupid) double standard. It is never okay to go thru someone else's things without permission. To say there's a difference between the two is rather false. There isn't one. And by trying to say that her actions are justifiable is bs. That's like rewarding bad behavior. But neither is she dependent on him. Looking out for his welfare is just a sign of caring. If I had a car, I'd wanna pick up my boyfriend.
Now, to the poster. If he does come around later, it may be a good thing. But don't take the fact he won't accept rides from you as a bad thing. It's highly possible that him distancing himself is a good way for him to prepare himself for being without you completely. I think he's also hurting as well having to break up with you this way. I think the major reason why he decided to let go is mainly because it's college. Most people don't like to be in something 'serious' too soon. And 3 months isn't that long to already know if you'll be with him forever. I say do things to keep you busy. You have school things, your future to worry about. Taking care of yourself is just as important as anything else. Sometimes, love happens when you're not actively pursuing it. But just because you miss him, don't deny yourself the chance to build friendships with other people. Cause having friends are good for when you're down and really need someone to talk to, be they guys or girls. I think you'll be okay.