ArticleI want to trust him again.....
Hey everyone. I have been with my boy for around a year and a half now, 5 months of that was spent long distance. When he finally moved to be with me, I felt that he was very distant... i looked through his phone and noticed a lot of messages to and from his ex, maybe even suggesting that something may have been going on while we were doing our long distance thing.
Around Valentines Day last year, I logged into his Facebook, and noticed that he had been talking to another chick (not the ex) on there inappropriatly..... who, mind you, was engaged and is now married. We spoke about things and he tells me he is only in love with me etc etc.
Then a few months later, more messages to and from his ex... he changed her name in his phone to a guys name... I was thinking, to go to all of that trouble he must be hiding something. It nearly broke us up.
I just want so much for it to be amazing like it was before the long distance, sometimes we are amazing, and sometimes all I can think about is if, or when, or why? I just feel as though I am not good enough, or simply, just not enough.
I really love him, and I want to make things work. I want there to be no trust issues on my behalf....
ANY ADVICE?
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if he went through all that trouble to hide it from you, something is going on. i spent the last 2 years with a guy that was cheating on me the entire time. and i have hard proof.. he still wont admit it because he still thinks there is a chance and if he admits it he wont have a foot in the door.. so you either live with it or move on... i say move on! you deserve better! and im doing the same!
look darl if there is no trust in a relationship then there's no relationship so youu want to make things work you gotta try push this aside .. if him and his ex were close then maybe there just friends now and hee proberly only changed the number because you are bein paroniod. i know its hard buh the last thing to do in a relationship is read threw phones and log on people facebook. its wrong end of. why not try startin fresh with each other he doesnt no you you dont no him and build it that way . you must of trusted him at the beginnin rite? so start agen x
Back in my single days, I had a lot of guy friends, and I knew that once they became involved with another chick, I was out of the picture. no more calling, or going over, or just plain hanging out unless of course, I wanted to double date or something. this wasn't because I was told, but out of respect for my friends and their choices.It was the unseen rule. (Nobody needs the accusation of infidelity that plagues so many relationships. ) My friends will always be dear to me, even 10 years down the road, so it is cool.
Your relationship is still new. The discussion with the new guy needs to be about his friends. You need to know what type of relationship you have, and what he thinks he has. It is time to set your boundaries for him, and he needs to set his boundaries for you.
I went into a relationship years ago with someone I thought was exclusive, and come to find out he was anything BUT exclusive. a real heart breaker, but an eye opener. so, sometimes having the guy explain what type of relationship you have with them can ease your fears, or send you packing.
good luck to you...
Well, I know someone who is kind of the same way. I say talk it out. Stop going through his phone and just trust him. Maybe you can check like every month or so. Check if he's still talking to his ex, or any one else in an inappropriate way. Guys do these things because they feel that their girlfriend's are jealous and are sneaky enough to look through their phones. Just sit him down and talk things out. If he doesn't want to, then something is REALLY going on.
why should she trust him when he's already proved more than once that he can't be trusted???
& no, guys don't "do these things because they feel that their girlfriend's are jealous and are sneaky enough to look through their phones."
...guys do these things because they don't care enough to be faithful & honest. if you truly love someone, you don't cheat on them.
i agree if you truely love someone, you dont cheat on them. its stupid! idk how anyone can cheat on someone they "love"
unfortunately, it sounds like you've lost what you two had. if he truly loved you then he wouldn't continue to talk to other girls behind your back. instead of cutting off communication w/ his ex/other girls & being faithful to you, he just tries to hide it better so you won't catch him again.
do you always want to feel like the crazy, untrusting girlfriend who has to constantly snoop around & check up on him??? i feel that it may be best to move on & when you get into a relationship again, only be with someone you can trust.
trust is one of the most important parts of a healthy relationship...trust is a MUST HAVE!!!
agreed. I'm with a guy who is more than trustworthy right now.. but because of my ex, I still have a hard time trusting any guy. I got cheated on twice and abused horribly. I find it really difficult to fully trust my new man, but he is patient with me and understands completely. I consider myself really lucky.
You just need to move on and find someone who wouldn't do that to you. There is no reason for him to be hiding anything, honesty and trust are huge factors in a relationship. If you don't have either of those, you have nothing.
Its not worth it...you dont have a ring on your finger so I would just say lose him... If he is changing girls names to guys name in his phone..come on now..thats a dead giveaway he's up to no good.. I should know I've done it before.
if he's spent all that trouble hiding it from you, sorry babe but he's ot to go. being with a man like that is toture on the inside. it makes you anxious and untrustworthy of all your future partners. belive me, i know. he's out the door.
I am sorry to say but you must forget about this guy. Someone who loves you doesn't hide stuff from you. You are only doing more damage to yourself by staying with him. Why should you have to be doing everything to keep the spark alive between the 2 of you? There are good guys out there and you will find someone else who won't treat you the way this guy has. In this case you must stop listening to your heart and listen to your head and or gut. Good luck with it all!!!!!!
It is easy to stand on the outside and judge and see the picture clearly. You are worth more and deserve more. But in matters of the heart, one does not see clearly and we lower our standards and self worth. If it is real love there are NO distractions, no secrets and nothing to hide. There is trust and no need for suspicion or snooping. Once trust is gonna it can never go back to the way it once was. It can be repaired with work on both parties. Good luck...
I honestly don't believe it will work, i thought it would work with my boyfriend too only to find out he was trying to get me to be friends with the girl he was hooking up with so i broke up with him. Don't trust him!!!!!! I say find someone who will treat you right, you deserve better.
My question is, what made you decide to go through his phone in the first place? I wouldn't go through someone else's phone unless there is a really good reason for it, since that can cause major issues. Cause what if he had gone through your phone or something? It's not a good feeling and it just makes rifts between you. Going through his facebook wasn't a wise choice either. I can see logging into your own fb and checking on him out of worry (I've done that heh) but to get into his.. I understand you love him and you're feeling worried, but there are other methods of handling it.
I'm not saying you're wrong to be concerned or anything, but the best thing to do is seriously talk to him. Expect him to be upset about you going through his personal things without his permission, but seriously have a heart to heart. It is very possible to still be good friends with ex's and it's possible that they are still close as friends. However, if he can't own up to his things or if he is truly cheating on you, then it's best to let him go. If it can work then it'll work. Every relationship has its rough patches and sometimes, it might get worse before it gets back to how it once was. It's all about growing and learning with your partner. I wish you luck X3
I think this relationship is beyond help. I hate to say it, but at least from what you've said he's done NOTHING to try to earn your trust or show you that he's not cheating. Notice the word "earn" here, clearly the reason you are having trouble trusting him right now is because all he's done is tell you that he loves only you, basically denying any outside relationships/flings. To earn one's trust certain actions must be taken and changing an ex's name to a guy's name in his phone is an action in the opposite direction.
Walk away, you don't deserve to be treated or made to feel as though you are not enough. If he asks for an explanation as to why you're kicking his ass to the curb, then tell him and don't let him try to excuse his behavior or dismiss your warranted suspicions. It is final.
It also bothers me that when I read your entry the finger for this problem is being pointed at yourself....why is that? You're not the one responsible for the lack of trust you feel with your boyfriend, his behavior is the cause of this. You don't have "trust issues", you have an "untrustworthy boyfriend". Does he call you "crazy" or try to play the 'pity me' game where he goes on about how much it "hurts" him that you can't just trust he's not fooling around with an engaged chick on facebook that he's having "inappropriate" conversations with? Which, btw, who the Hell does that? Is a relationship or even a marriage not sacred to anyone anymore?
You really need to get your confidence back and realize all of your "issues" are caused by him and the only way to get rid of them is to get rid of their source. I really wish you the best of luck and hope that you find happiness with a man who deserves you.
Actually, fingers should be pointing to BOTH of them. True, it seems he's untrustworthy, but what she doesn't say is WHY she'd go through his phone. From how she phrases it, it sounds like she just picked it up and just looked through it for no reason. Instead of speaking with him about the distance, she goes through his phone. Now we can only go off what is said, but in something like this, it's something they both need to learn something from.
Nevermind the fact that he's talking to some engaged chick in a way he shouldn't (which is a red flag regardless) she logged into HIS facebook to dig this info up and then confront him about it. Now I'm not dogging her, I think she should get away from him and move on, but it's not just his fault that she's having trust issues. And yes, she has trust issues. Just like he has issues with being honest.
Obviously there are trust issues regardless of who you want to blame them on. You went through his phone and facebook for a reason...you should have had your clue then. He changed his ex's name because he knew you were looking through his phone and yes, he continued to talk to her so yes, he probably is hiding something. As much as it hurts, sometimes you just have to let go.
You already know what you have to do. You've answered your own questions. Now you just have to work up the courage to do it.
Good luck.
I've had a bf go through my phone and hacking into my myspace assuming I was cheating when I wasn't doing anything, so I can say that going through something like that hurts a lot. But he was a controlling fruitcake and I was able to see it and get out. You deserve to not have to sit and be worried about things so I would leave him. You need space for yourself and be able to recover and figure out what you need/want out of life. Maybe you just need some you time and be single for awhile