You should confront him, then break up with him if he has an insincerity in his voice when he tells you otherwise.

There is a chance what you saw was simply his way of talking to his female friends, I know a few guys that do that... they don't mean anything by it, it's just what they do. Another thing is they could be part of the family, or hell, little kids.

I can see that you know they live in different states, but do you know anything else about them, or how your boyfriend usually talks to his female friends?

Before doing anything rash, think of the possibilities and keep a close eye on him. If you confront him about it without any proper evidence, you're just going to feel embarrassed when it turns out he hasn't actually done anything wrong.

Keeping in mind of course, that it still if likely he is doing something wrong. It's just not the only option...

I have been here! My bf of 4 years did the same thing. I also thought he hadnt physically cheated but he had because there were more than just the ones in the phone. There were online profiles on dating websites as well as MySpace and Facebook. I also hacked his email and thats how I found out he was physically cheating. Bad thing is the women he was playing sounded just like me in the emails. Plus his phone was always on vibrate and he never answered it when he was with me. I called him out on it and he tried to flip it saying I invaded his privacy but I had a right to know since we were intimate and my health could be at risk.
Bottom line, you looked because you had a feeling something may not be right or you seeing his phone laying there wouldnt have ever been a temptation.

Regardless him saying any of that and the fact that its a secret from you is cheating! emotional or otherwise!

You can say you cant or wont call him out on it but it will eat at you and you will not act the same towards him. Trust me I know.

All relationships MUST have honesty or they will not survive. If it were me, I would sit him down and say look, yes I was wrong for checking up on you but something told me I needed to and I was right. What is going on with you and these girls and why are you hiding them from me? Guys will lie to get out of trouble so be careful what you believe if he turns on the charm and if he swears he will cut ties, make him do it in front of you. The trust has been comprimised and HE will be the one to have to fix it since he is the one that broke that bond.

I did this and he charmed me for awhile and low and behold....he never stopped doing it no matter what he promised. I hope you have better luck than I did.

Well, what I would do is, just ask him a lot of questions, like "I'm the only girl you love right?" "You'd never cheat on me right?" and just like make him feel guilty, I'm not sure how to really tell you how to do that, but it'll come to you. Use names too. :]

I often go through my boyfriend's cellphone, why shouldn't I?! He is not supposed to have something to hide! I say you confront him and listen to what he has to say. Then, it'll be up to you to decide what to do.

Going through your boyfriend's cellphone is not something to be proud of but neither is having the feeling that he is cheating on you. Ask him a lot about what he does and who his friends are and so on. Also, don't trust everything he says. Guys sometimes use cute words and make up perfect situations to make you feel special when you are really just one of his many girls. So, try to confirm everything he tells you but do not make yourself look like you are all up in his private life. When you have enough evidence he's cheating, confront him. See how he tries to get himself out of it.

This is definitely one of those "rock and a hard place" moments. You let it go, he could take his infidelities to the next level. You confront him, then you admit that you crossed a privacy line and then things get really messy.

I'd keep this on the backburner for the time being. Play it cool, like you know nothing. BUT, don't forget this either. Think of this as a signal and start watching for other signs. And should it turn out to be worst case scenario, don't admit you ever saw those texts. He can use that as leverage in a fight.

It is possible that he just meant he loved them in a friend way. Just watch out for suspicious behavior. If you start getting signs and feelings that he is cheating confront him and ask him if he has anything he should confess to you.

Looking at a boyfriends phone is never a good idea. But, since you did, and don't know who these women are, or what his relationship is with them, you can let it slide, or you can be honest and
tell him you looked. Calmly ask about the ladies. Hopefully you have a good relationship, and he
will tell you. If not, then maybe you need to re-evaluate you relationship. Might be time to say
"see ya"....You know, he may have sent those hoping you would look, so he could split from you.
You don't know...things can get twisted..think about it.

You have every right to be going through his phone! Your his girlfriend, not just some girl he just randomly met. I go through my boyfriends phone all the time , i jus t take it from his hand. You have a right to know whats going on and you should deff. confront him. He shouldnt be doing that.

No matter what you decide to do, don't let him sweet talk his way out of it. You obviously care about him very much and us girls seem to believe a whole lot of rubbish when it comes from a boy we've fallen for. This has happened to me many times, not just finding out about other girls but also about drug habits and other things no-one should be involved in, and I generally confront them because it eats away at me. 9 times out of 10 I'll let it slide and then it'll happen again or get worse. But its your call. Just remember "Quote of the Day: I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust noone but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. ~ Marilyn Monroe" :) Good luck.

I had this happen to me with my fiance. I found texts in his phone from ex girlfriends about retrying the past and what not. Granted she is married and lives out of state so nothing physical could happen he was still thinking about it which made worse. I can put up and cope with a one night stand but not PLANNED cheating.
I confronted him...not in the nicest way but I was hormonally crazy (8 months pregnant) and he caved and told em everything. We made an agreement to see a relationship counselor and work on our relationship since we didnt want to give up something that was 5 years in the making.
I stayed with him because I was 8 months pregnant when I found it and was afraid of having my son on my own. He got better he stopped talking to her, changed his email and whatever to stay away form contact...Then low and behold 6 months after that one an ex girlfriend that lives right near us came into the picture. That was it. They dont change until they want to and if they are going as far as to plan to cheat or have multiple relationships they are not worth it.
But...I do not like that I spied but it made me see him for him. not for what the smoke screen was showing me

This is something I've gone through myself. I happened to pick up his phone and see texts from his ex, and confronted him. Unlike a lot of people on here, I think that was the best thing to do--I said that he could only have one girlfriend and asked him which one he picked. It definitely made him realize that he was on the verge of ruining everything, so he cut off contact with her and it helped our relationship a lot...
My Advice: when you're with him, reference some conversation you had while texting, and say you've forgotten a quote, or a name, or something you talked about, and ask to see his phone to look it up. If he gets defensive, then there's a real problem, if he lets you, ask about the other girls' messages.

I agree with most of these comments: it is important to be able to trust your partner. You should know from his texts to you what sounds serious and what is innocent, so if Love is only seriously texted then you have a problem.
I disagree when some people say that cheaters never change: I was a cheater and I have changed. However, I did not remain with the partner I cheated against. It might be time to let this one go and have a great time finding a better one.

Everyone says its wrong to look through your boyfriends text messages and emails, but everyone does it. And i can almost definatley say that our boyfriends do it to us too when given the slightest wiff of a chance. Therefore do dont feel bad.
At the end of the day if you trusted your boyfriend completely, you wouldn't have looked, suggesting that he may be playing away.
You just need to admit to reading his messages and explain that that sort of language really isn't on when it come to speaking to other women. Let him know that it makes you feel uncomfortable.
If he flips out then he clearly has something to hide and isn't worth it, but if he's genuinely sorry or it was actually harmless, he will understand and respect your wishes.

confront him gurl..u need to confront him...or else it will eat u up. comfrotn him and ask him whats he upto!!!! he just cant get away that way. but be calm while u keep him on the hor seat. dont get hyper. behave as if u will forgive him even is he has cheated u!! once the truth is out then its upto u how u handle it!! all the best!!!

THIS IS YOUR BEST OPTION...If he texts ppl when he's around you, just try to cuddle up with him when doing so...or simply walk behind the chair he's sitting in, and just glance at his screen in passing. If he seems like he's trying to hide what he's writing, or leaves the room to text...then he's probably doing something very wrong. Don't listen to these other ppl who keep telling you to ask OBVIOUS questions to see if he's cheating. He WILL NOT get a guilty concience from that. If he can cheat without guilt, he can lie without guilt. Instead, ask him less obvious questions that have nothing to do with cheating. Then you will get answers without letting him know that you are even suspicious. If you start to act suspicious...he will just lie more, and hide it better!

I do not think that you should feel guilty at all about looking through his phone. In all of my previous relationships, both of us never thought twice about looking through each other's phones. If they were just laying around they were fair game and even if they weren't laying around they still were. My views on this are if you don't have anything to hide, then why does it matter if i go through your phone every once in a while? But, obviously in your case, there is something to hide. So, if you confront him about the situation and he gets all defensive and tries to turn it around on you for snooping or something, that is a BIG red flag. He's guilty.

I agree that you should trust him. Many guys will say that to their girl friends (friends only) and they dont mean anything. Most of my guy friends and i say that to each other but its not a big deal. and when their true grlfriends were there and saw them i stood up for the boys cuz they don't see me in that way. Its hard to trust him, but if you are in a good relationship from the get go dont start drama by confronting him about it; now if you were having problems in the past, taht would be something completely different! But the main thing is that you should trust the guy you are with if you see that yall are fine together. No starting stuff because of what you think went on between him and the girls becasue that will make him see you as immature and jealous, which i doubt that you are.

I agree that you should trust him. Many guys will say that to their girl friends (friends only) and they dont mean anything. Most of my guy friends and i say that to each other but its not a big deal. and when their true grlfriends were there and saw them i stood up for the boys cuz they don't see me in that way. Its hard to trust him, but if you are in a good relationship from the get go dont start drama by confronting him about it; now if you were having problems in the past, taht would be something completely different! But the main thing is that you should trust the guy you are with if you see that yall are fine together. No starting stuff because of what you think went on between him and the girls becasue that will make him see you as immature and jealous, which i doubt that you are.

Something similar happened to me, except that I didn't actually mean to look at his messages - perhaps act like nothing's wrong, then just play about and end up stealing his phone in front of him like it's some big joke, then go to his messages, that way you've not gone behind his back to look at them... But this guy needs a good hard kick somewhere he won't like it. Good luck x

See I have a completely different view on this. I look at my boyfriend's phone sometimes when he's sitting right in front of me. He has nothing to hide and has no problems with me looking. And it's not just a one way street. He looks at my phone too. He answers my messages if my hands are full. If he did suddenly start hiding things from me I would be suspicious straight away.

If I were you, confront him. Tell him you did it. Tell him you're not proud. But that he should feel more ashamed than you. It obviously isn't to his family members because otherwise he might've mentioned that he spoke to them.

Guilty as charged.

Well girl, what you did was the correct thing you could ever do. Because, if you not, you would continue believing that he's not cheating on you but in fact he is.

So you should confront him and ask him for an explanation because that's disrespectful
and if he claims about why you looked on his phone you should say: because i thought you had no secrets with me but i guess i was wrong.
ha!

The golden rule states that you should treat others the way you want to be treated. You looked through his phone. While I don't think that's particularly bad (I looked through an ex's phone after I caught him making out with my roommate in my living room and found some pretty hinky texts from a lot of girls), I do think that since you want him to be honest with you, you should be honest with him about how you found out. Also, make sure you apologize for looking through his phone if he seems a little put out. That may be an invasion of privacy to him (why do you think I waited until after said butthead made out with my roomie to look?)

There's nothing wrong with honesty. If he tries to make you feel guilty, then he's not being honest. If you ask without telling him the truth, then you're not being honest. Like the golden rule states, it's a two way street.

I went through the same thing. except i found out he went to go see his ex-fiance while i was at work on her b-day. I was shitty, told him my roomate went through his phone and had her send me texts about what she "found". I showed him the texts and he explained himself the best he could and I forgave him! Made him change his number, thinking it would stop, but it didn't. I kept snooping because he was still acting strange and found he was still talking to her, and a few other girls. Now he's a control freak and I'm breaking up with him this weekend, after 6 months of dating! Just leave him now, love doesn't spread over four people. Get excited about who you're going to find next. It's hard girl I know but that's life. He doesn't want to be in yours 100% so don't try and make him. Leave. leave. leave. He won't be sad, he's got back up plans... Demand better

try to contact these girls. tell them the truth that youre his GF and see what they say. if he cheated on all of you together then you can confront him together and make him feel horrible for what he did.

otherwise i would say confront him and tell him that you felt unsure about him so you checked his phone and then you found those girls. see what he says and read between the lines.
be hard and if there is some kind of explanation that you are willing to accept, leave him hanging for a few days so that he knows how you would deal with things like that. then forgive him but only if you really want to and if you are sure that he did not cheat on you.

if he tries to switch guilt to you say: well i wouldnt have checked your phone if i felt that i could trust you 100% and it seems that i was right NOT to trust you.
if you wanna keep him, be sure not to get loud. dont scream at him and cry or something- then he would get upset too and you would both say things that maybe you would regret later. trust me i know.
well good luck, and i hope that everything works out fine

I have been with my guy for 5 years married for 2. And i dont have to go through his phone nor he mine we show/tell eachother not because we feel obligated but because we trust eachother. He knows my passwords to my facebook, email, ect. I know his. Thats how it should be! I dont have to sneak around going through his stuff, if ur not doing anything wrong u shouldnt have anything to hide.

talk to him... maybe they're related to him...

id talk to him about it first. only thing id like to point out is the fact not only do u feel cheated, but if hes not related to these girls then hes playin with their minds. its not fair on u or them and someone should kick his backside for it

I have guy friends that tell me they love me all the time but it doesn't mean like that...I don't think it's a biggie unless he says he wants them or wants to be with them or something like that.

I dated a guy and started getting this bad feeling in my gut that he just wasn't honest with me about something, not necessarily cheating, but not being honest about something. Well I did what you did and went through his phone while he wasn't around. And of course what did I find? Text messages between him and some girl and her talking about how she was "naked in the bathtub" and "needed some company". Of course i felt guilty for going through his phone, but I'm glad I did! He played that whole situation off and got away with that one. But I still had the bad feeling in my gut.

So i decided to take it a step further and go through his computer. i went through his website history and found all sorts of cheating sites, like adultfriendfinder, and i did some more digging and found his profile on one of those sites, and sure enough he was active and was talking to other women. he may not have cheated on me (yet), but he sure had the intention to.

so yeah, go with your gut feelings. im sure glad i dumped that guy

I obviously don't know your boyfriend, but give it the benefit of the doubt. If he's one of those people who tells everyone he loves them (which I do all the time), then he was probably just messing around with friends. He could know the girls from vacations or family friends or something like that.

And don't beat yourself up for looking in his phone. It's not a big deal, and he's your boyfriend. He shouldn't be hiding anything from you anyway.

Basically, I would just confront him about it if you're still concerned. It's a bad situation, but when you bring it up, pay attention to how he responds. If you think he's lying, maybe you should let him go. But just go with your gut.

Its hard to know how to go into this conversation with him. I have also had this problem. You could act stupid like u didnt read anything and hint it slightly, well kinda. One day when you guys are cuddling or something or out together. ask him if he would ever cheat on you. or if he would ever tell another girl that he loves her. if he lies then you know he isnt worth ur time and u should move on
but its hard to. trust me i know how hard it is to let someone go. but time does heal everything, time,friends and LOTS AND LOTS of ice cream lol. it works xDD
you may gain 2 pounds but its not that hard to lose that ^ ^

if u cant let him go then go ahead and live knowing he is texting someone while u talk to him saying that he loves them and that ur not enough for him.

If he is doing this he is a person who loves love WAAAAHAAAY! to much. he is addicted to affection. with out u (im sure is his main source) he wont last very long without wanting u or looking for someone else to fill the void. which in trun makes him a bad man. which u dont want...Stay away from this type of men it wont do u much good.

" you can only change a bad man if u think u have the time and have the patience of a saint"

Its hard to know how to go into this conversation with him. I have also had this problem. You could act stupid like u didnt read anything and hint it slightly, well kinda. One day when you guys are cuddling or something or out together. ask him if he would ever cheat on you. or if he would ever tell another girl that he loves her. if he lies then you know he isnt worth ur time and u should move on
but its hard to. trust me i know how hard it is to let someone go. but time does heal everything, time,friends and LOTS AND LOTS of ice cream lol. it works xDD
you may gain 2 pounds but its not that hard to lose that ^ ^

if u cant let him go then go ahead and live knowing he is texting someone while u talk to him saying that he loves them and that ur not enough for him.

If he is doing this he is a person who loves love WAAAAHAAAY! to much. he is addicted to affection. with out u (im sure is his main source) he wont last very long without wanting u or looking for someone else to fill the void. which in trun makes him a bad man. which u dont want...Stay away from this type of men it wont do u much good.

" you can only change a bad man if u think u have the time and have the patience of a saint"

oh please, if i were you, i would confront him on it. it doesnt matter if you went through his phone, you saw what you saw and if he really loved you, he wouldnt be telling other people he loved them. this happend to me too, my boyfriend really had to prove that he only loved me for us to get back together. if he does prove it.. give him another chance

I think it's extremely rude going through someone's phone, I had an ex do it to me under false pretense (he thought I was cheating) and freaked out at ANY male friend I had on my contact list. And then another ex's current gf did it to him . She called me at 1am on july 4th, freaking out even though I no longer live in the same state and haven't spoken to him in over a year.
Anyway. -post ramble- Do what you think you need to do, but I don't think it's necessary to be going through other people's things in any case.

You obviously had a reason to go through his phone and its not really an invasion of privacy because he shouldnt have anything to hide! If he's telling other girls he loves them you have to get out now! That is so much worse than physical cheating in my opinion, that is unforgivable. Get out of it now!

well it also kinda depends on HOW exactly he said it. i usually tell all my guy friends that i love them. but i say " luv ya" and then when i said it to my bf, i would say " i love you". theres a major difference...at least, in my opinion.

that was a bit stupid yes.
You really can't go through people's private things.
Yeah i think you should confront him and tell him the whole truth why you went through his phone, everything.

i agree wit the girl 2 spaces above me "love ya" is different than "i love you" if he says love ya its either a friend/family/or an ex and if he said i love you then its different and you should confront him about it . i say love ya to all my friends even my ex's and the guy im dating now i say i love you. I go through his fone when i feel like and he doesnt care and he goes through mine and ill ask question on some pics or be like WTF and laugh n he'll do the same. my last ex when we were together i was going through his fone one time when his ex BEFORE me txted him and i was like oh can i respond n he said i dont care and i did and i read all the texts between me and her and he was fine with it. what im trying to say is if the txts said "love ya" no need to worrie but if they said "i love you" then find out
good luck :)