If there's one holiday that's pretty much guaranteed to make a good percentage of the population miserable, it's Valentine's Day.  Think about it:  Single people never feel more "single," attached women expect a mind-blowing expression of love from their guys (and are usually disappointed), and men feel an overwhelming sense of pressure not to mess things up for their ladies.  Sometimes I wonder why we even bother with it in the first place.

I'm not going to get into a philosophical discussion of whether Valentine's Day is a marketing menace perpetrated by greeting card companies, chocolate manufacturers, and the red rose lobbyists.  We've all heard those theories before and I'm sure there's truth to it.  But the reality is that Valentine's Day is here to stay and - like it or not - we all have to live with it to a certain degree.

I'll never forget my own worst Valentine's Day.  I had just broken up with my live-in boyfriend of four years a few days earlier and he was in the process of moving his things out of my apartment.  It was bad enough that my boss (who was unaware of the break-up) had asked what I was doing that night to celebrate Valentine's Day and I had to explain that I was now single.  But the real pain came when I got home that evening to my empty place.  Well, not quite empty.  Dear "J" had decided to leave a phone book out on my coffee table, open to a page of florists.  By one of the ads, he had written his ex-girlfriend's name and work address on it.  It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on...  Happy Valentine's Day to me.

I've also had some great Valentine's Days.  And some average ones.  And many that were disappointments.  But when I think about it, I can't help but feel that the potential problem isn't Valentine's Day itself, but the quality of the relationship celebrating it.

Let's face it, when you're in love and in a healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationship, you don't really need a special day to celebrate it.  Every day and each time you are together is an opportunity to acknowledge and honor your love.  Sure, maybe you go out to an extra-special-nice dinner that evening, but should it really be any different than any other day of the year?  And if your relationship is less than spectacular, well, it's not like a heart-shaped box of chocolates and some overpriced flowers will fix that.

From my perspective, I think we should focus less on having a "successful" Valentine's Day and more on creating a successful love life.  As women, we need to shun relationships and men who are damaging, hurtful, and disrespectful.  We need to move on from toxic relationships and put an end to feeling like we'd rather be unhappy with someone than be alone.  Yes, ladies, even if it's February 13th!  What's the point of spending one more Valentine's Day with a man who doesn't make you feel loved every day of the year?

I also realize how difficult it can be to be without a significant other during this time.  Valentine's Day has a way of making us feel even more single and alone, doesn't it?  It's hard not to notice the hearts, red ribbons, and candy littering every aisle of the grocery store.  (And you were just stopping in to get a loaf of bread!  How rude!)  So to all my single ladies out there, I'd like to suggest this:  Use February 14th to fall in love with yourself.  Take inventory of your life and all the great things you have going on.  Give your best girlfriend a hug and tell her how much you love her.  Treat yourself to something fabulous.  There's no law that says you can't be your own Valentine.

And lastly, to those of us who will indeed be spending next Tuesday with our someone special, let's remember that our love isn't just about that day.  The other 364 days of 2012 are just as - if not more - important.

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