ArticleScared My Mom May Be Suicidal
I really need some advice ASAP!!! My mum and dad just got divorced but we still live in the same house because of the financial situation. My father had an affair with this woman for 4 years and now she is pregnant and due in MAY!! But this isn't my father's only affair. We just found out that he hasn't been faithful for all 22 years of marriage!
This news very shocked my mummy and she feels unloved and down. To be honest my father never was too caring. For instance, he NEVER got her any presents for birthday's, Valentines Day or any other celebrations. He hasn't gave her any compliments or made her feel wanted for past 9 years (she didn't have sex for 9 years)! This is hard to believe but it is true! She is very stressed and sometimes she has bad pain in her chest and finds it hard to breath. We went to the doctor's but they haven't found anything. Because of her health she only works few days a week and every time she comes home she feels even worse. I do my best to keep her happy. I talk to her all the time and trying to make her feel good about herself. But I feel like this is not helping and she will hurt herself.
She admitted herself that she wants to die and the only thing that keeps her alive is me and my 9 years old brother. The other day she was in hysterics because of her breasts. After my brother's birth she wanted to get boob job but just didn't have a chance to save up because my father always lied to her about his finances (as he was spending it on his girlfriends and taking them on romantic holidays) so all her money went on bills and stuff.
Now I just don't know what to do! I am so scared to leave her on her own. I know that we need to move out far away from my father but at the moment it's financially impossible. She always cries, avoids mirrors and talks about dying. If anyone have any advice please help because she is all we have got!!!! :( :( :(
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omg...... tis would be so so hard.
like incredibly hard.
my father was/is not exactly "faithful" either, so i really get some idea of your situation here.
i have no ready cures..... no easy way out.
but i think your mum needs to find herself again, how she can do that i dont really know. but she needs to find a place in herself where she has a value, and doesnt feel worthless......... because she most certainly isnt!
i think that the best thing you could do is ask your dad to move out. explain to him how and why your worried about your mum, explain that you are finding it really difficult to be in this position, and that the whole breakup has been hard on you too. as the father of her children, and as she is still looking after you guys, it would be a decent gesture for him to leave, surely not too much to ask?
if the divorce is through the courts he should have to pay some "child upkeep" money as well, which would help a littl finacially..........
otherwise....... what can i say, be there for your mum, as you have been. dont try to make it better though, understand that it cant just be made better........ all this is gonna take a long time to fully blow over....... if it ever does.
also, i mean, i dont have any experience with suicidal people, but he has got you guys to live for, this blow has been big, huge even, but it doesnt have to send her over the edge. if you are truly worried for her mental health, and possibly her mental stability, seek proffesional help with that i reckon....... somewhere where she can feel supported.
all the best hon. i really really hope things go ok.......... its gonna be a long hard road......but i hope you can find the end to it.........xx
Wow that has to be so hard. Counsoling always helps, but what I see that chances are you won't have the money for a regular one, so try a church or another place of worship, because they tend to be good with free or low costing services for your family. They are also good places for you and your family to excape once or twice a week with things like youth group and small groups you mom can join. I'll be praying and I hope you can find somthing that can help your mom out.
I'm so sorry to hear that your mother is suffering so much.
Bring her to some sort of counseling or try a divorce support group. (http://www.divorcecare.org/) This might help her realize that she deserves much better and that she doesn't deserve to die. Suicide is a permanent fix to a temporary problem. You can also find a support group through the american foundation for suicide prevention (http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=FEE4D90C-...). You and your brother should give her as much love as you possibly can and show her how important she is to you both.
First of all I would talk about this problem to relativs, friend your mom likes. So that you don't have to handle this alone ok? It's important that she has someone to talk to (you don't count). She needs to get back her self-confidence so make compliments :D. Do some girlstuff with her. Let her feel that there are still people who love her.
I have been there. My father didn't cheat, but my mom was suicidal. First thing you need to understand RIGHT NOW, is that you can't make her happy. You can't. She has to want to be happy and want to be helped, for her to get and USE the help and happiness.
Second, you need to sit down and talk to her about this. You need to tell her that you are afraid that she is going to hurt herself, and make her understand that you need her in your life. She NEEDS to know how important she is to you and how much you need her. Sometimes just talking to her one on one and making her understand that she is loved and needed and has value, can make her feel a bit better and stronger.
Once you have this conversation and she understands, go out. Get her out of the house at all costs. Try to get her into some class or to do something she loves so she can distract herself from what is going on at home.
I am so sorry you are put into this postion. Nobody should feel the weight that they are the only reason someone is living, and fearing that one day you will come home and find their mother dead. It is a lot to ask of anyone and im sorry you have to go through it.
I hope this helps some if any...
Oh so sad I just want you to know that my heart goes out to you and yur mother it sounds like she should take him to court and make sure she gets all he has once the divorce is done. Its only fair to screw him out of things and kick him out of the damn house, your mother needs to tell him to get the f** out and she will feel better! He really needs to go! if he is paying her bills and thats why he is staying there, it sounds as if she has been doing fine with out his money for 9 years and once she takes him to court she can garnish half of his wages or more for child support for you and your brother. It sounds really terrible to cheer her up with all the court stuff she can put him through, mind you what he did to her was much worse!
I am so sorry that this is happening to your family. When I got divorced 9 years ago, I didn't feel good about myself and thought I would hurt myself. My mom knew I was having bad thoughts, and talked to me about it. She let me know how much I was loved and needed. She told me that it would really hurt her if I did anything to myself. I also had a 3 year old daughter at that time, she is turning 12 this year. Those are the 2 that got me through it. They were worth living for. I started exercising and got my self confidence back, it also kept my mind off of the situation,somewhat. I took time for me to heal, and about 1 year later I met my now husband on a blind date. We have been married now for 7 years, and I am so happy. We have a daughter together. I also now have 2 step children, and 3 step grandchildren. I would have missed out on all of this love if I had comitted suicide. Please tell your mom that she needs to be here for you and your brother, and any future grandkids. It is a long and hard road, but in the end she will be better off to not have him in her life. I will be praying for her and you and your brother. I hope this helps. God Bless.
i am sorry . but i tell u i have exectly the same story in my life.. its abt my father n my mom.. same situation same everything .. ive lost trust n mom is in a great pain ..