I can totally relate to this.... Yes, there are going to be people who are going to misinterpret what this says but I love it! I'm a sexual person too and have had 1 one-night stand and found it meaningless... I'm holding out for the right guy but I'll admit I've slept with a few guys who I thought were Mr. Right at the time. We all make mistakes but I believe we have the power to learn from them... Most importantly, I believe if you're going to have sex then at least make sure you enjoy it -- otherwise it's just too risky these days - w/STDs or even pregnancy (b/c even with a condom and the pill or any type of protection there's always a chance something can happen) Thanks for posting this!!!

Honestly i think the est thing for you right now is to stop with sex for a bit. You might want to think about getting some different adult toys. They come in all kinds and its rather hard to fall in love or have feelings with an inanimate object : ) Of course its not the same, but maybe it will be enough to help for now. :]

Take a break with the one-night-stands and just date. Instead of clubs, try librarys, clubs, parks, or something else like that. You might just end up bumping into 'the one' :)

As for the bases, i believe base 1 is date, base 2 is kiss, base 3 is touching, and base 4 is all the way.

my friend, i've been also single... for 2 years. And i feel like half of me is asleep. But I am as hopeful as u are. But it's not gonna come a prince. Nope. A king for you will come and I hope its soon, because you know, we humans do not know what does "patience" mean. We are always counting, always expecting. I am learning to get to know the girl in the mirror a lot better... I'm learning to wait. It hasn't been easy!!!!
Good thing is that now, we know what we want from a man. And he has to be a diamond. Period. We deserve nothing less :D
The King is on his way ;)

I can't say that i have had sex before, i am a virgin almost 20 now. And i can tell you now that i don't regret it..not at all.
The reason why i've tried to stay away from sex so long is so I don't have to worry with the situations you are handeling now.
I too have had a bumpy past where i couldn't find the right guy to fit my standards...where i felt like i had to lower myself to their level just to feel happy. But as we both know..not being yourself will not lead to happiness.
I feel as if sex should be between married couples. I'm not getting Holy Jesus on you...but what i am saying is when married couples have sex..its passionate, its forever...its not wake up the next morning afraid to death that he is going to leave you feeling.

Listen...put the the rabbit away...Sex drives are hard to deny, but i would suggest you replace your cravings with something healthier.

Your friends are probably sick of your high standards...Maybe just not on men...but on them maybe too.or life in general.
Give them a call...and apologize. If you can't handle life without a sexual vibe then i would suggest therapy.
You're 27 years old...still looking for a man...its normal. Don't push yourself into feeling you need a man to complete you. Be patient...mister right will pop out of nowhere and soon...your high standards won't matter cuz he fits beyond them.
Good luck.

I'm in the exact same place.. I went through this phase where having sex was "the answer" to everthing, but I always ended up getting hurt. Now I'm proud to say I have changed my ways, and decided not to have sex again until I find a guy who is worth it. It feels empowering, because believe me, I have had the opportunity... It's good to concentrate on what you want and how to reach that goal.

I've had a decent amount of sex, though not enough to be satisfied. I think good sex, or satisfying sex on both parts is very important to a relationship, but it's not the only factor. I think being single for you is the best thing, and that you should stop seeing men for the moment. I think your attachment issues are a personal issue that you need to figure out and work on. You're trying to fill that void with a person, and until you complete *yourself* you will always have this problem. Take time away from relationships. If you can, see a counselor and talk some things out. Do some 'soul' searching. 'Meditate' on your problems and yourself. Fill that hole with something it should be filled with... yourself.

I am sooo there honey! I am single for the first time in 5 years and this is totally not how I pictured my year. I was thinking I'd be on a date every few days meeting really charming guys and getting to choose who I wanted to spend more time with. That's the way it was when I was 23! yeah well you get a little older and your not the bees knees anymore. Now suddenly the kind of guys I want don't want me! WTF!!! And the guys who do are absolutely not what I want. What ever happened to the guys who were respectful and wanted to get to know me? Now if they don't have the feeling that I will sleep with them after the first few minutes they are not interested. I don't do that anymore because of the same reasons she listed above, one night stands don't do it for me at all and I really just don't want that. And I really want to feel that connection to somebody, that certain spark, and the more I get rejected the harder it is to take.... So I am in the same spot and I don't know what to do besides not look for now. Just take a break and focus on me.

I understand how all you ladies feel. It is hard to date like a guy and be emotionless. I have to admit I have times that I finally do with a guy and become completely emotionless. I had only one night stand, because the dude was amazing in bed, but I found out he was a pothead. College years were fun, because I thought afterwhile I would find Mr. Right. That ended up being totally a joke, I found the one we were engaged and yep had a baby, but dude became way too jealous and controlling for me. I choose for sanity reasons to not be with him. Then I took a year to not date after him and slowly got back into dating. I realize I hate dating, because dudes are too one track mind, even when you don't dress revealing. Now I just flirt and admire from an distance. Of course watch Gossip Girl and enjoy the men on that show. I am trying now to get everything stable in my life, then slowly try to go back to dating. I won't mention details, but I also had an awful ordeal while with my son's father. Another reason why I don't date....

Honestly, if you jump into having sex with someone, it breaks the relationship. I know this from experience. It doesn't go anywhere, you end up hurt, and you're left with an empty space inside of you. I've decided to wait till marriage. It's a big commitment, but it's been awesome. You can get close to someone without all the physical complications and hurt emotions and you get to know them a lot better and the relationship survives. If you're looking for your prince charming, you should wait. If you meet him and complicate things with sex, it will most likely end bad whether he's meant for you or not. I met this guy a couple years ago that I liked so much. On the third date I was getting way too intimate with him and it ended up not working out. If you take things too fast, it ruins things. You don't have a chance to get to know him in any way other than a sexual way. You should get intimate with a guy in ways other than sex. Like emotions, for instance. Get to know him, fall in love with him, and wait to be physical. You won't have that complication in the way of finding your "soul mate." How can you expect to find him when you're complicating things like that? You won't be able to focus on getting to know him when all you focus on is sex with him. Even if you balance the sex with going on dates with him and everything. Once you start being physical with him, it won't be the same. And love is more than sex.
And I can tell you're big on sex in general. I used to have to have an orgasm at least once a day. It became addicting. And the more I did it, the more addicting it became and the less fun it got. It's better for your life if you just let go of sex for the time being. It really does only complicate things. And if you vow from now on to wait to share that sexual moment with the man you love and marry it will make things so special and amazing.

to the last poster... theres no such thing as having sex "too soon" and ruining a potential relationship... if a guy REALLY was into you, the timing of the sex would not interfere with that.

I can so relate to this! I've been there, too. My turning point was realizing that joy comes from within, and that there is no single guy who can make me happy. If you want a prince charming to rescue you, then you are putting too much expectation into it. The more you are out and on the hunt for a guy, the less likely you are going to find a good one. Or at least in my experience. But when I drew back, stopped looking, just started to enjoy my friends, to love my friends (in a non-sexual way, of course) and love my life, my heart opened up. Only now I am ready to meet the right guy, love the right guy, without any expectations or strings attached. There is love and there is attachment. For the longest time I was looking for attachment, somebody who would make me happy, treat me right, give me this, I was having all those expectations. But only if you're ready to love a partner unconditionally, without emotional baggage and what you'd expect him to do, only then you will radiate the right vibe which will attract the right kind of guy. If you're desperate for a guy (or for sex, I've been there, too, done that) you might end up having amazing sex but not get a guy who is into you.

Oh, and it helps to remember that the right guy will tell you that you're beautiful, not that you're hot.

And after taking the scenic route, I also believe that you can have sex too early. Sex creates attachment in a woman, and it only complicates things. And, some guys won't say no to sex but they'll lose interest if the girls says yes too soon. Guys are hunters, too.

I've decided to give it a try and try having a relationship with a guy only for sex. As he's from another city it was absolutely clear for both of us that we should go on "no feelings included". The first few times it was ok, like cool, thanks and not thinking of that person really much. It was easy as we both came out of serious relationships and still had feelings for the others.. But soon we started to hear each-other more often, to share more things. I'm with this guy for about 6months and not long ago we had a conversation that we both care for each-other alot and it's not only the sex. Plus if he's satisfided every time it's not going the same way for me.. Anyway, that doesn't change the fact that we're from 2 different cities and we can't see each-other whenever we want. And now we've decided that everyone should go on his way and find a person that is close to him everyday! We're not saying we have someone by ourside when we're asked, we are both having dates and so on, but still we're meeting from time to another and we're ending with having sex.
I know it's totally wrong and I'm going to end it very soon..
So the thing is that you may try not having feelings, but can't fool the mother nature and her chemicals for long.. ;)
You'll find a man you'll feel great with, then, you'll have a really mind-blowing sex! Just be patient! And don't forget to tell him what turns you on.. Communications are priceless! :*

in able to gain respect from others,learn to respect yourself first...dont stuck on that sex thing!!

I have to disagree with a lot of posters here, because I'm one of those women who can be sexual and not think anymore of it. In fact, in my experience, it's the men who become emotionally involved.. I, like many of you, lost my virginity to my first love and tumbled down a spiral of bad relationships after that, which crushed my self-esteem and changed me completely as a person.

Three years ago I decided to rebuild and discover myself again. A summer abundant with sexual liaisons and the reintroduction of friends brought me back to my former self; I was content, happy again. I thought I was ready to try again for a relationship, I went out on a few dates with this guy I had been flirting with for quite a while, and things seemed to be going really well.. But again, just like before, I was disappointed. He didn't get along with my friends very well and I began seeing them less.. A pattern I'm more than familiar with. You see, when in a relationship I do anything to make the person I'm with happy.. And they soon learn this, and use it to their advantage. The guilt sets in (guilt of wanting to have a social life.. ridiculous) and I cave; becoming no more than a shell of a person. Anyway soon enough, that relationship ended.. Ended because I wasn't ME. Later I learnt that in order to have a successful relationship, you need to find someone who will love you, for you. Not for who he or she can turn you into.

So yet again, at the bottom of my barrel, I had to rebuild myself, and this time, I had learnt from my mistakes. I had learnt not to take things at face value or to change myself for anyone. My standards had risen, and with it, my strength.

From this moment on, I promised myself I'd never let a man hurt me again, and I haven't. I'm not ashamed to say, I was promiscuous for the next few months. It started when I was invited to a party by a friend from a previous workplace.. He invited me to a house party. Now in the past, I would've said no to going.. But this was the new me, so I said yes. And it was the best decision I had ever made. It was the turning point in my life, I had overcome my timid ness, I had my freewill. And I’m not ashamed to say that I had sex with this friend on that night, and I will remember it for the rest of my life.

To cut a long story short, while I continued to sleep with this friend, I met someone new, through another friend, when I least expected it. And yes, we had sex first. And Oh My God it was mind blowing! I started seeing this guy more, mostly for sex, but we were building a friendship too.. We'd chat during the day and he'd walk me to work in the mornings. I even went up to visit him over Christmas. By this time we were practically best friends, I wasn't afraid to talk to him, and he knew about my past, about my promiscuity.. He told me he loved me.

Something clicked.. Because I was treating him as a friend, I was able to be myself in front of him, and he loved me, for me. Because he had gotten to know me, because we hadn't started out in a relationship, he didn't have idealistic views of who I was or how I was.. He loved the me who laughed at farts and people hurting themselves. He loved the me who giggled on porn night and spoke about sex like a man spoke about sex. He didn't think of me as a woman first, more a friend. And I'm with him now, still myself, still happy. The only change is he's the only one I lay with; he's the only one I have sex with. Still a friend first, and a woman second. The way it should be, because at the end of the day, a successful relationship is based on a good friendship.

Girls, don't settle for second best, because Mr. Right is just round the corner, and you'll bump into him when you least expect it. And that's the way it should be, nothing planned, nothing explained. Just think of the time in between as a time to strengthen current friendships and to do the things you've always wanted to do. A life lived is one with no regrets.

Be happy.

hey friend....
even i gota say this tht sex is not rlly important thng in life....
m a virgin n m proud to b one, evn thou i hav a b.f of 2 yearz n i also know tht he lovez n adorez me lyk anythng... bt u can nvr say tht "wil i b marryn this guy" cz i wanna b pure to my hubby fully....
i also no tht if u hv sex once thn u wnt it offn... thtz y i wud advice u to stay away 4m all diz...
n soon ull get ur princ charming....
infact hez also waitin 4 u to cum in his life n mke him lov his life more....

i dont think u need sex at all you only really need love, that fills the hole that people like to think sex fills, not true. true love doesnt need sex, it only needs affection to satisfy the mind and heart.alot of people mistake lust for love, you have true love, u dont need sex

i totally agree wid jacinta....
where there is true love.... then nothing really matterz....
cz true love fullfills your evry need....

this is written quite well :P

Sometimes, even for women who can't "have sex like a man," there's still someone you're comfortable having sex with but not dating. It's usually the sort of person you find when you don't want to be attached emotionally, but you miss the feeling of another body against yours. Pay attention to yourself if you find this; ask yourself, before you go to bed with him (every time you go to bed with him), "Will I still respect myself in the morning?"

Let's face it: respecting yourself is the one thing that needs to come before anyone or anything else.

I wish you all the best in getting back to yourself again. Drop me a line? We can compare self-finding notes!

haha i love this post, sums up quite a bit of what has happened to me in the past few months, ive been single since febuary, had many bumps since then, thing is seemed to be the nice guys were being a pain in the neck with there 'ohh i have this thing' or 'i still love my ex' or the nice ones im just not into.

since febuary ive have 2 one nite stands which the first was amazing mind-blowing, which is maybe why i did it again, (i screwed up the second time but hooking up with my best mate) either way, ive found this guy i really like, but hes a bit of a bad boy, im worried its not goin to go anywhere. but yeah to the point, when i told my mates that i like him they all said 'so u slept with him then' and i havent, and i was so disapointed that they all thought that, but at the same time really was my own fault.

thing is what to you do?? sex with no strings? then your a whore. sex with a toy? oh but then people think your sex drive is too high. but just sitting around and waiting for mister rite to come along and doing it then, well i dont know about u but i find sex can relieve stress alot.

my view, is you know what, if your happy with yourself go for it do what ever you want to do, just be safe. and if people look down apon you, dont tell em about it. mistet right will come along eventually, but surely while in his search for you, he must be making at least some of the same mistakes right??? maybe not, but honestly, its likely he is.

this was great! i loved reading it and can definitely relate!