ArticleTime With You
My boyfriend and I have been on and off for quite sometime now. Recently, we've just gotten back together, and for the most part are happier than ever. However, he's been extremely busy with school, homework, and everything you could imagine. I tried to talk to him about this before, that I'd like to spend more time with him, [we see each other once a week, if even]. I drive 30 minutes to see him at the drop of a dime, and I'm always working or busy in general but I still manage to talk to him everyday and come to see him. He doesn't have a car right now, so bart is his only other option, but he's somewhat broke. I even mention that maybe he could just call me more, or text. But sometimes he ends up so busy we barely talk between 3 days and a week. I try to be understanding, and i love him more than anything, but isn't there something I can do? School is very important to me and him, but this isn't fair, if im going to spend the rest of my life with someone [he's already claimed marriage in a few years, and is stuck on me] i would like to spend more time with them. So I get short tempered sometimes, say mean things, or get very upset with him if he's out with friends partying or doing something else when we could have that time together. Is that so wrong? What can I do when he's busy? Am I being too irrational? Help please?
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Sometimes it is best if we get lives of our own. Become busy yourself. Enjoy the time you spend with him. Make it a quality not quantity thing. If you truly love eachother then this will blow over. Join a club or organization. Grab your gals and have a gossip girl night established. It helps to have something to keep you occupied.
not true. love is not enough in a relationship, they take work and dedication. if you let this go, you will grow farther apart, get more and more comfortable with you each having your own time and less time for each other. you need to keep working at it, and find ways to be closer when you are together, the above is right about quality. she is also right about not becoming obsessed with this as a problem and having things to occupy yourself when you cant be together. you both have your own schedules and duties during the day. both of you need to sit down and discuss a way to rearrange them a little to include each other more regularly. just for an example, i'm sure it will take more moving around of things for you guys, but so you know what i mean, pick a date night, say thursday, and set up your webcams, or a private chat, or both of you go somewhere quiet and undistracted for a phone conversation.
but if he is serious and wants to marry you, dont make him feel guilty or resentful for having to make extra time for you guys. i'm sure he wants to be with you too, but guys are usually less proactive about that stuff anyways. dont let it be something to fight baout, like we said, quality time - don't waste it arguing.
have you considered moving to be closer to him? getting a job transfer maybe?
You have to communicate more and spend time together in order to allow your relationship to continue growing. if you've both settled on marraige maybe it's time to talk about moving in together. Living together, you'll still have your busy lives but you'll be together every night and every morning, and it can be easier to snatch a few minutes together.
Don't do all of the initiating when it comes to spending time together. Let him make some of the effort. If he doesn't feel the need to make time to spend with you then maybe subconciously he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore. If he really wanted to be with you then he would try to make at least a little bit of time for you. However you don't have to be completely involved in eachother's lives.
I think it's kind of selfish. He has friends that he wants to be with, too.
Act aloof, go out with the girls more. The more he notices you don't need him, the more he'll realize he needs you.
It sounds like you are making all the effort here and he has you at his beck and call, it does not take any time at all to text or call someone no matter how busy he is.
Take the focus off him for a bit and think about other things in your life that are important to you and spend time nurturing other relationships. When you feel better about yourself and are busy enjoying other things you will get a better perspective on this relationship and you may find what he is offering you in terms of attention and consideration really is not good enough. Remember we get what we settle for.
Personally, I find it a little selfish. I say he could text you more maybe. That's how my boy keeps me good with the long distance/busy relationship we have. He goes to school three hours away from where I go to school, and I'm not allowed to drive to his college to see him. (overprovtective parents) And he has a job at his college that keeps him there over the weekends usually. So, we've went almost four weeks once without seeing each other. I understand wanting to be with him more, but he's got things to do and so do you.
Grab the gals and have a fun night out. Your world doesn't have to revolve aound him. I find a good girls night out helps me tons.
However, I do believe he could put a litlte more effort into it too, but guys usually don't because that personal time with the girl is not as important to them. A party on the town with his guy friends sounds way more fun. But you should talk to him about a little more time, just don't ask for too much. He can't do it all.
Oh my gosh I know exactly how you feel coz this is kinda the same situation I am in!!! My relationship is quite new though, but my bf isnt the phone call type so we usually just text/msn every now and then, but even then it just feels kinda disconnected sometimes especially because we only see each other once a week or so!!! We also live quite far away and he doesn't drive so it makes things a LOT harder. It could be the guy is just oblivious to the lack of communication though, a lot of guys just aren't as social as girls. Or hes just losing interest.....
I'd just try to talk to him about it, maybe ask him to put a bit more effort and you'll do the same. Good luck though, I know where you're comin from!
Ok maybe he could text you more, I think guys are more passive when it comes to that... It takes a while before they send it out of own initiative. Maybe you should wait for him to text first? I'm sure he'll eventually send something, because he misses you. ;-)
But I do think you should be able to accept that he goes out with friends too, and not only with you. Ok, he could have spent that time with you, but it's important for him to see his friends too. I understand it's not fun to miss your sweetheart, it never is... but due to the circumstances you are in, it's not possible to see him often and since you can't change anything about it for now, I think it's better you try to accept that. And enjoy the moments you spend together as much as you can, make the moment about each other and no one else. Remember that he loves you, he even talked about marrying already. ;-) So I'm sure he's missing you as much as you are missing him, he just doesn't express it that much. Good luck with it!