18 Secrets Guys Want You to Know
Posted by Girls Guide To on June 12, 2012 at 8:47 PM
Was your guy raised as a traditional, stoic, man's man? Then there are probably a few things you’ll have to figure out yourself along the way. I stumbled on this great list of 18 relationship secrets (from WebMd of all places…now you can get relationship advice while you figure out if that cough is allergies or flesh eating bacteria -- not that that's what I was doing...), gathered from psychologists who study gender roles. Here’s what men wish they could tell us:
Men Will Talk About Feelings…
…but not in the way you do with your girlfriends. It may be easier for your man to talk about feelings indirectly. Ask what he'd do during a romantic weekend. Or what he thought the first time he met you. His answers will reveal how he feels and bring you closer. Also, next time you want to have a “deep” convo, try asking in the car. He’ll feel better that he has something to focus his extra energy on and is more likely to be receptive to talking! Who knew?
Men Say "I Love You" With Actions
Some men prefer to express their feelings through actions rather than words. Your guy may say "I love you" by fixing things around the house, tidying up the yard, or even taking out the trash -- anything that makes your world a better place. So, yeah, while picking up dog poop or washing the dishes isn’t necessarily the most romantic thing in the world, you can smile knowing he’s doing it for you.
Men Take Commitment Seriously
Guys have a reputation for being afraid to commit. But the evidence suggests men take marriage seriously. They may take longer to commit, but that’s because they want to make sure they are onboard for good. In a survey of currently married men, 90% say they would marry the same woman again.
He Really Is Listening
When women listen to someone talk, we like to pipe in with a, "yes," or, "I see," every now and then. It's our way of saying, "I'm listening." But some guys don't do this. Just because a man isn't saying anything doesn't mean he's not listening. He may prefer to listen quietly and think about what you're saying.
Shared Activities Bring You Closer…
Men strengthen their relationships primarily through shared activities more than by sharing thoughts or feelings. For many men, activities like sports and sex make them feel closer to their partner.
…But Men Need Time for Themselves Too
While shared activities are important, men also need time for themselves. Whether your guy enjoys golf, video games, or working out at the gym, encourage him to pursue his hobbies, while you make time for your own. When both of you have space to do your own thing, you have more to give to each other.
Men Learn From Their Fathers
Want to know how your guy will act in a relationship? Get to know his dad. Some experts say men learn about their relationship role by watching and listening to their fathers. How they are with each other and how his father relates to his mother can predict how a man will relate to his wife.
Men Let Go Faster Than Women
Oh, we love grudges, don’t we? Women tend to remember negative experiences longer and may have lingering feelings of stress, anxiety, or sadness. In contrast, men are less likely to dwell on unpleasant events and tend to move on more quickly. So while you may still want to talk about last night's argument, your guy may have already forgotten about it.
Men Don't Pick Up on Subtle Cues
Men are more likely to miss subtle signals like tone of voice or facial expressions. And they are especially likely to miss sadness on a woman's face. If you want to make sure your guy gets the message, be direct. In this case, he really isn’t a mind reader.
Men Respond to Appreciation
Showing appreciation for your guy can make a big difference in the way he acts. Studies show that positive reinforcement is more likely to get your guy to help out around the house or take you to nice dinners more often than nagging or complaining will. Plus, it keeps you in a positive mindset too! Win, win.
Men Think About Sex ... A Lot
OK, so maybe this one is no secret. The majority of men think about sex at least once a day, compared with only a quarter of women. And that's not all. Men fantasize about sex nearly twice as often as women do, and their fantasies are much more varied. They also think more about casual sex than women do. But, clam down ladies, thinking is not the same as doing.
Men Find Sex Significant
It's a myth that most men think sex is just sex. For many, sex is a very important act between two committed people. And just like most women, men find sexual intimacy to be most satisfying in the context of a committed relationship. Just one reason that long-term partners know how to please one another better than strangers do.
He Likes It When You Initiate Sex
Most guys feel as though they're the ones who always initiate sex. But they also like to be pursued and wish their partner would take the lead more often. Don't be shy about letting your guy know you're in the mood. Initiating sex some of the time may lead to a higher level of satisfaction for both of you.
But Guys Aren't Always Up for Sex
Men, much to many women's surprise, aren't always in the mood for sex. Just like women, men are often stressed by the demands of work, family, and paying the bills. And stress is a big libido crusher. When a guy says, "not tonight," it doesn't mean he's lost interest in you. He just means he doesn't want to have sex right then.
Men Like Pleasing Their Partner
Your pleasure is important to your man. But he won't know what you want unless you tell him. Too many women feel uncomfortable talking about what they like and don't like. If you can tell him clearly in a way that doesn't bruise his ego, he'll listen. Because he knows he'll feel good if you feel good.
Guys Get Performance Anxiety
If you’ve ever seen Seinfeld, you know it happens and it isn’t a big deal…most men get performance anxiety on occasion. Your guy may worry about his physique, technique, and stamina. If you can help him learn to relax and stay focused on the pleasures of the moment, sex will become less stressful.
Men May Stray When Needs Aren't Met
If a man doesn't feel loved and appreciated in his relationship, he may turn elsewhere for satisfaction. For one man, that may mean burying himself in work. Another may develop a fixation on sports or video games. And some men cheat. To avoid this, partners need to work together to meet each other's needs.
He's Vested in You
Most men realize there's a lot to lose if a long-term relationship goes sour -- not just each other's company, but the entire life you've built together. Studies show men are much worse off after a divorce than women are. If you're willing to work to strengthen your relationship, chances are your man will be, too.