4 Solutions to End that Sexual Drought
Posted by Girls Guide To on August 12, 2012 at 3:22 PM
Even though we’re bombarded with media reminding us how crucial consistent and hot sex is to a lasting, happy relationship, few of us are actually doing the deed with our partner every night. It wouldn’t matter if you were married to Ryan Gosling; every relationship has high and low points on the sexual scale. One study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy found that 24 percent of couples reported having a sexual drought in the past 3 months.
It happens when you’re stressed, tired, or even when something else is just on your mind. We’ve identified 4 common scenarios that result in lackluster sex drives, and we’re going to show you the strategies to fix them.
Scenario #1: The Honeymoon Phase Has Ended
When you first met, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. That’s because infatuation triggers the release of extra dopamine, a brain chemical that fuels your libido. When the novelty wears off, so does the dopamine boost, resulting in a lowered libido.
The Solution: Mix Things Up
In addition to infatuation, being surprised actually fuels dopamine, too. So, your strategy is to try new activities together to add some novelty to your routine relationship. Visit your local amusement park to ride all the scary rollercoasters, or try karaoke night at a neighborhood bar.
In addition, reset your boundaries. One of the great parts of being in a serious relationship is really getting to know someone’s quirks. However, we can all get a little too comfortable with each other. If you’re guy is leaving the bathroom door open, or you’re clipping your toenails in front of him, then maybe you two just need a little more mystery in the relationship. Part of sexual attraction is maintaining excitement and a little intrigue. Dress up for special, swanky dates to recreate the thrill you had when the two of you just began dating. It will segue into that livelier early relationship sex, too.
Scenario #2: You’re Suffering Pre-Wedding Jitters
Your wedding date nears, and one, or both, of you is seriously freaking out. Sometimes, the thought of the huge commitment you’re about to make becomes overwhelming. You can’t even think about sex, because you’re stressing out over this major life change. Even though you absolutely love your husband, the idea of one sexual partner for the rest of your life might be frightening.
The Solution: Just Do It
Even if your mind is elsewhere, like the caterer or wedding band, just make yourself do it. Obviously, don’t have sex if you’re completely uncomfortable, but try to quiet the stressful thoughts going on in your head and focus just on the physical act. Even when you’re not 100% in the mood, the benefits can still be significant. Having sex will remind the both of you just how important you are to each other. Plus, oxytocin, a hormone released during sex, makes you feel bonded and attached, so you’ll remind yourself all over again what this wedding is about.
Don’t forget to look beyond the big day.The sexual odds are on your side: Married women are more than twice as likely as single ones to have sex two or three times a week, according to a survey by the National Opinion Research Center. And that marriage bond can bring you two closer. If you make the effort to communicate about intimacy, you can become even more sexually connected.
Scenario #3: One of You Loses a Job
When someone gets the pink slip, they will likely respond by withdrawing from their relationship, even sexually. Financial stress can cause testosterone levels to drop, which lowers libido. And, even though it’s 2012, most guys still prefer feeling like a provider in a relationship. Losing his job is a blow to his ego and manhood, which doesn’t translate well to the bedroom. Research reported in the Journal of the American Medical Association shows that when a woman's income is reduced by just 20 percent, her self-worth and sex drive can plummet.
The Solution: Work Together
Form a united front to tackle the problem together. Refer to the problem as “our” instead of “his,” so he knows you’re by his side. Also, help boost his ego by reminding him how talented and capable he is. Make him feel even better by spoiling him a little. Make the effort to cook his favorite meal or give him a great massage. He’s definitely hurting so a little extra love can’t hurt.
When it comes to the bedroom, think dirty thoughts.When you’re stressed about finding a new job or paying bills, it’s very difficult to just enjoy the moment. So, push those thoughts to the side and focus on sexy scenarios. Replay your last intimate encounter or reimagine those 50 shades scenes in your head to get you in the mood. Once you start thinking dirty, you’ll remember just how good getting frisky can make you feel.
Scenario #4: You're Bombarded with Baby
Every parent or person struggling to have children can relate. The act of creating babies is seriously sidelined once you’ve created one. Plus, the pressure of trying for pregnancy altogether isn’t really sexy either. When you’re dealing with a fertility schedule, it takes all the fun out of sex and it becomes more like a chore that can cause a lot of stress on either partner.
The Solution: Do It When It Doesn’t Count
When sex becomes all about baby-making, you forget about the pure pleasure of the act. So, make sure you still engage in bedroom antics even when you’re not ovulating. You’ll relieve some stress about the entire process, and remind yourselves why you want babies in the first place, because you love each other.
If you’ve already got the kids, remember grown-ups only playdates.Seriously, take the time to schedule activities for just the two of you. Maybe you already have a long-standing date night once a week, but take small breaks together throughout the week too. If you’re running errands together, stop at a coffee shop to enjoy a caffeine perk. You two can chat like adults and not have to worry about children interrupting. Plus, these bonding moments will translate later into the bedroom.
What sex ruts have you experienced in your relationships? What advice do you have for keeping things hot in the bedroom? Let us know by leaving a comment below!