9 Best Lessons from Breakup
Posted by Anonymous on November 21, 2011 at 6:31 PM
It's been one year and a month since I went through a terrible breakup. It was one of those breakups where you feel your heart was ripped out of your chest and your bed feels like the only safe haven -- hoping if you sleep enough you'll wake up and this nightmare will be over. Well, the nightmare never ended. We never got back together. He never came back. In fact, he's happy in another relationship now. Even though our story ended the day he left, something amazing happened on our one year break up anniversary... I realized my life had just begun. I was stronger, happier and a hearbreak survivor.
I randomly found this list online and thought maybe it could help any of you realize that in every experience there is a lesson to be learned. And remember yes a heartbreak hurts but the heart heals. (Take it from me...I'm living proof!)
9 Best Lessons from Breakups...
1. Being Single is Okay
Some women may have been in a relationship for so long that they're not sure how they feel being single. It's a big adjustment to go from being one-half of a couple for so long to now being on your own. While going through a breakup, you can learn a surprising amount of information about yourself. Being single is also much better than being in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship.
2. You Can Have a Life That Doesn't Include Him
At one point, you likely envisioned a future with your boyfriend and couldn't imagine what your life would be like without him. After a breakup, you may find yourself saying "I don't know how to have a life without him in it." You can do it, but it takes time to adjust. Don't let him tell you that it's impossible; you can have an even better life than you did before even if he's not a part of it.
3. There is No Excuse for Certain Actions
In a relationship, you can sometimes be blinded by love. There are probably times when you forgave certain actions you probably shouldn't have, but after a breakup, you realize what those things were and how you should have reacted differently. If you learn from those mistakes, there's a good chance you won't let them happen again.
4. Love is Not Enough
When we're young, many of us follow our heart first and think second about if it's the right decision. As we get older, that starts to change but somewhere deep down we still carry that hope that maybe love really is enough. Unfortunately it's not - there's lines he may cross that even love can't fix - but learning that can actually help you. Love can do a lot - it can get us through some really tough times, but when you learn it's not all you need in a relationship, you learn not to completely rely on that. You start working harder on everything else it takes to make a relationship work and expect your boyfriend to do the same.
5. Communication and Trust Are Essential
A lack of trust or communication has led to many relationships falling apart. Many know this going into a relationship, but knowing and following through are two different things. After a breakup, think about when you could have communicated better and when you should have trusted your now-ex and didn't. You may not want to think about it and rehash old memories, but it can help you in future relationships.
6. Assuming Gets You Nowhere
There have probably been several times when you made an assumption about a situation, got angry and later found out the anger wasn't warranted. A few months ago, I was angry when I thought I got stood up by a guy I was dating. After awhile, I got a text saying he was on his way. It turns out there was an outage in the subway, his train was stuck and since he was underground he didn't have cell service - the outage was all over the news the next day. If you get angry at a future boyfriend about something, give him a chance to explain himself before you hit the "ignore" button when he calls.
7. He'll Cheat if He Wants to
If your now-ex told you it was your fault he cheated, he's wrong - he's the one that had the final decision to leave you or cheat and he chose the latter. I know it's a scary thought - that a man will say say you're amazing and he'll mean it, yet he could still cheat. On the other hand,, some women almost suffocate their men in an effort to keep them from cheating, but it really doesn't work and may actually have the opposite effect. They'll try to keep men from doing certain things like going to a sports bar to watch a game or speaking to a female friend once every few months. It's not a good feeling to be cheated on and unfortunately, most of us have been through it at least once, but regardless of how you treat him, if he wants to cheat badly enough, he's going to do it.
8. You Can't Change Him
When I was younger, I was involved with someone who was addicted to certain substances. I worried all the time, had trouble sleeping and talked to him all hours if he needed support. It finally got to a point where I knew I couldn't help him when he wasn't willing to help himself. After a breakup, you may feel completely guilty and heartbroken walking away from him, but the truth is, you can't make him change if he doesn't want to or isn't ready to. It doesn't just apply to someone who has an addiction, it applies to anything you may want to change about him whether it's that he doesn't feel like getting a job or he parties too much. There's only so much you can do for someone - the rest is up to him.
9. Reveal Sooner Than Later
While everyone is entitled to their secrets, there's just some that can wreck a relationship. If there is information you know deep down your partner should know, keeping it from him can only cause problems. The longer you delay telling him, the bigger the problem gets - then, in addition to revealing the secret, you also have to worry about explaining why you didn't tell him earlier. You never want to get to a point in or after your relationship when you say "I should have told him sooner."
As much as we say we would never do specific things or react in a certain way while in a relationship, sometimes you truly don't know until you're actually involved in the situation with someone you're head-over-heels in love with. After a breakup, once you truly grasp the lessons and learn from them, you're likely to do everything possible not to make the same choices the next time. If you have to go through the heartbreak of a breakup, it's better to at least make sure you're getting something in return for all your hard work.
I found the list here: