9 “Guy” Things You Just Can’t Change
Posted by Katie Ostoich on June 29, 2012 at 8:54 PM
Let’s just face it: Men don’t change. They aren’t dough. You can’t mold them into what you want. And why would you want to? He doesn’t want to change you! You’re just going to have to deal with a few…quirks. That being said, there are some things you can’t change that probably aren’t major dealbreakers. If you are with a guy that you think that you can change (you silly girl), you might want to check out these nine things we think you can’t change about men. That way, you’ll know whether you want to keep him around – or if you’re just wasting your time.
1. White Lies
Ladies, those little white lies that he tells you are one of the few things you can’t change about men. But I wouldn’t worry. These are typically harmless little lies (you really didn’t want him to say your butt did, in fact, look big in those jeans, right?) and when you find out that he lied, you really aren’t even mad about it. Everyone fibs from time to time, just watch that those fibs don’t become full-on-serious lies.
2. Checking Out Other Women
Just because your man looks at other women doesn’t mean that he’s not still interested in you. Men are visual creatures and it really doesn’t mean anything at all, I promise. Just brush it off. Or, if it really hurts your feelings and brings out your inner-green-eyed monster, just tell yourself: “He’s probably comparing other women to how beautiful I am today!” And be honest: You check out other guys too, so you know it’s harmless!
3. How He Cleans
I’m going to just say this straight up: Men and women have different standards of what constitutes clean. There are exceptions to every rule, but in general, women like things to be much cleaner. Here’s my advice: Accept it and work around it (and be thankful he helped clean at all!), or slowly train him to meet your standards. It’s a long and winding road, but it is possible to nudge him if you just can’t deal.
So this one, like his standards of cleanliness, is actually a little debatable. Some guys just have a certain style that they like and that is one of the things you can’t change about him, but some guys are open to change. If you don’t like his style, just say something. Or cut the crap and buy him something you do like. Trust me, he’s not going to take the hint if you just start leaving copies of GQ lying around. It simply could be that he doesn’t know he’s not stylish.
5. His Sports Obsession…
…and the HOURS they can watch SportsCenter, even though it repeats itself over and over. Here’s the thing: My husband is a huge fan of LSU and all college football in general. I’m pretty sure that for a few months out of the year, I am his second love and the Tigers are number one. (I’m being facetious, but you get the point.) It used to make me so upset. He was watching games and not spending time with meeee…but then I realized if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. It’s much more fun to accept it and join in than to fight something that you can’t change about him. Some guys are just huge sports nuts and they were probably like that when you met them. Plus, think of how hot you’ll sound when you watch the games and talk about first downs and actually know what the hell that means!
6. Avoiding a Fight
Are you skilled in conflict avoidance? Because most men are. They don’t want to sit down and “have a talk.” They don’t want to fight and say anything that you can hold against them for months to come (because, yeah, we do that). Most men don’t want to get in touch with their emotional sides, so if you’re a conflict-avoider too, start working on teaching yourself to speak up! Or you know, just letting things fester and die out on their own…(because that ends well).
7. Attitude About Sex
Besides money issues, I’m not sure if there’s anything more contentious in a relationship than the issue of sex. Maybe he wants sex all of the time and is nearly always ready for it. You might not be that way. Or maybe it’s you who is raring to go 24/7. This is one of the things you probably can’t change about your guy, but you can find positive ways to deal with your differences that leave you both satisfied.
8. The Way He Acts Around His Friends
He’s so sweet and gentlemanly with you…until his bros show up and then you’re privileged enough to witness his return into adolescence. Sorry, ladies, but get a group of guys together (and add a few rounds of beer to the equation) and maybe you don’t always like what you see. But just let it go. Just remember: You probably slip into a version of this yourself…
9. His Past
You are completely powerless to change a man’s past. And you know what? He is completely powerless to change it too. Don’t waste time and energy forcing him to try to “make up” for anything he’s done. It doesn’t solve anything and only ends in frustration and hurt feelings. Both of you should just let it go.
So like I said, men are not your own personal Play-Doh to be completely molded and reshaped. You started seeing this guy for a reason. Accept the things you can, and work to change your reaction to the things you can’t. Except for the cleaning thing. For the health of the planet, keep on nudging for that one please!
What are some of the things you’ve found that you can’t change about men even if you’ve tried?