Are You Afraid to Be Alone?
Posted by Jenn Clark on June 13, 2013 at 6:00 PM
It can be difficult to be single, can’t it? If given the choice between being a part of a couple and being alone, the vast majority of us would sign up for coupledom faster than you can say “2-for-1 discount” or “his ‘n’ her towels.” But what is our motivation for pairing off? Is it because we’ve found an amazing man with whom we want to build a life? Or are we so scared of being alone that we’ll cling to almost any opportunity for a relationship that comes our way?
If you suspect fear might be a motivating factor behind your love life, take a minute to do an honest assessment. Ask yourself the following questions and see if the scenarios ring true for you. You’re
afraid to be alone if…
You practice serial monogamy. Do you bounce from relationship to relationship with no real time of being single in between? Do you find yourself dating the same type of men over and over? Do your relationships end up being carbon copies of each other and contain similar problems, conflicts, and issues?
If your answer to these questions is “yes,” the fear of being alone is the driving force in your relationships. You find the distraction of being with someone safer than the self-reflection and self-contemplation being single often brings.
You’d rather settle for “good enough” than wait for “great.”
Do you refuse to break up with that scumbag of a boyfriend no matter how much he hurts and mistreats you? Do you regularly get dumped by guys who should feel lucky to be with you? Do you believe a bad relationship is better than no relationship?
When we compromise our standards or accept bad behavior, we allow fear to drive us into unhealthy situations. Because our self-esteem is so low, we don’t have the strength to make a change. This causes our confidence to plummet even further, thereby creating an endless cycle that seems impossible to stop.
You’re panicked you’ll be single forever. Are you convinced you’re never going to meet anyone? Do you feel worried and frantic – and completely pessimistic – about finding love? Do you drive men away by acting desperate?
From time to time, we all have apprehension we might end up alone. That’s just a part of being human. However, if occasional anxiety has turned into all-out panic attacks or depression, that’s a serious problem. Very often what we fear ends up becoming a self-fulfilling prophesy.
So what now? How do we change our situation? If you are ready to conquer your fear of being alone, here are the three things you must do:
Love yourself. And I’m not talking about the false cockiness of a diva mentality or expecting everyone to bow down and treat you like a princess. When you really love the woman you are – when you are truly proud of her – there’s no need to be obnoxious about it. Yes, an authentic love of self means you won’t tolerate unacceptable treatment. But it also means you are kind, humble, and gracious.
Become self-sufficient.When you rely on another person to provide your emotional and physical well-being, you will invariably be let down. It is entirely too much pressure to put on someone else – and on your relationship. When you discover you can take care of yourself, you’ll gain confidence and independence. You won’t feel the need to always be a part of a couple. And once you are in a relationship, it will be a much healthier one as well.
Don’t indulge in loneliness. Being alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. You can absolutely have a dynamic and fulfilling life no matter what your relationship status is. If you think about it, bad relationships make us much, much lonelier than being single does. How awful is it to feel as though you are unloved, unwanted, or mistreated by your significant other? If given the choice, I would take being single over being in a rotten relationship any day – and you should, too.
As you overcome your fear of being alone, something incredible starts to happen. You are less
desperate. You make better choices when it comes to men. You’re less likely to settle or to accept the unacceptable just so you won’t be alone. And with this shift also comes power. Now, your circumstances aren’t controlling your life and subsequent decisions. You are. It is exactly this feeling of empowerment that places you in the best position for a solid, healthy relationship.
Are you afraid of being alone? Tell us why or why not in the comments below!
Jenn Clark is a relationship advice expert and author of the book “How to Be a Goddess (A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming the Woman Men Dream About…).” You can find it on her Facebook page or on Amazon.com or on Twitter @JennX30
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