Find a Man Who Really, Really Loves You
Posted by Jenn Clark on August 30, 2012 at 7:46 PM
Let me share a story with you. It starts off earlier today when I took my 10 year-old dog, Dudley, to the vet. As Dudley ages, he’s starting to have some medical issues. Nothing too serious, mind you, but some ailments that aren’t clearing up as easily as they once did. His vet suggested a course of treatment that would hopefully get to the bottom of things and resolve the problem. Unfortunately, it was out of my budget this month. Since I consider Dudley to be a member of my family, it broke my heart to not be able to do it for him.
I texted my boyfriend, “L,” as I left the vet’s office. I told him what the doctor said and lamented, “It’s going to have to wait a few weeks. I just can’t afford it right now.”
“I’ll take care of it,” he immediately texted back.
“No, honey! Thank you so much, but it’s not your responsibility,” I protested.
“Babe, let me take care of your boy,” he wrote.
I know “L” loves “The Duds,” as I affectionately call him. Of course he does. The Duds is 75 pounds of awesomeness. He’s smart, sweet and one of the all-time canine greats. Who wouldn’t love The Duds?
But much more than that, “L” loves me. I am blessed to have a boyfriend who does everything in his power to support, protect and cherish me. In his mind, taking care of The Duds translates into taking care of me. But his generosity isn’t simply financial; most importantly, “L” is generous with his heart.
When I look at my past dating and relationship disasters, I’m often amazed that I found a man like “L.” For the vast majority of my love life, I made a lot of bad decisions when it came to picking guys. (Which, I’m convinced, is one of the reasons why I’m able to help you all now!) If you studied my dating history, you’d see that I’ve been cheated on and dumped. I’ve been blatantly lied to and deceived. I’ve been blown off like I never even mattered. I used to watch those sappy “diamonds are forever” commercials and think that if only I were prettier, had bigger boobs, a higher paying job, (insert all self-defeating, negative thoughts here), maybe -- just maybe -- I would find someone who really, really loved me. True love -- passionate, consuming and total love -- was something that happened to other people, but certainly not to me.
A lot of women adopt this mindset. We accept less than we deserve. We tolerate all sorts of bad behavior. It’s as if we don’t believe we are worthy of being truly loved by a man, and so we settle for what we think we can get. Or we’ll convince ourselves that a particular guy is the one for us -- no matter how horribly he treats us -- and then we’ll try to get him to change his ways and feel miserably about ourselves when he doesn’t. I’ve been there and I get it.
However, this doesn’t have to be the case. Real men who will value, respect and love you exist. Men who will make you feel special and cared for aren’t just in fairy tales. Want to know how I did it? It’s simple, really...
The first step toward finding one is to personally strive to be the best woman you can be. The second step? Believe that you deserve someone just as wonderful as you are. The third? Not settling for anything less. And the fourth? Don’t throw it away once you have it.
So when the counterfeiters, the jokers and the a-holes come a knockin’, it’s best to send them on their way. A man who really, really loves you won’t make you feel unsettled or insecure. A man who really, really loves you won’t be dismissive or uncaring. A man who really, really loves you won’t make you feel “less than” or like you’re not good enough. A man who really, really loves you won’t make you compete against other women for his attention or approval. Nope. Instead, a man who really, really loves you will build you up and not tear you down. He makes your life better, not worse.
I can’t tell you that my relationship with “L” is always perfect. It’s not. We’ve had our conflicts and struggles. We’ve had to work through some issues. But at the end of the day, ours is a relationship built (and continuing to be built) by two people who really, really love each other. The peace and security that comes from a solid relationship makes all the past heartbreak and break-ups and disappointments seem like nothing at all. If I had to go through that to get to this, isn’t it worth it? I think so. In this gal’s opinion, there’s not much better than being in the arms of a man who really, really loves you.
Jenn Clark is a relationship advice expert and author of the book “How to Be a Goddess (A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming the Woman Men Dream About…).” You can find it on her Facebook page: www.facebook.com/jennx30somethingandsingle
Or on amazon.com at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/Goddess-Step--Becoming-About-ebook/dp/B006HBSWSS/r