Five Signs It's Time to Break Up
Posted by Jenn Clark on July 12, 2012 at 4:21 PM
Most people aren’t very good at knowing when a relationship should end. We often hang on for much too long, hoping things will turn around and make a change for the better. We feel like we’ve made an investment and -- especially if the relationship lasted a while -- we want to see a return on it. Walking away can feel like we’ve given up and admitted defeat.
Many women also fear being alone. They think to themselves, “I’d rather be in a crappy relationship than in no relationship at all.” And they continue on even when their needs aren’t being met or when they are being treated poorly. Here’s the truth: There is nothing lonelier than being in a bad relationship. The fear of being single should never cause you to stay with a man who isn’t right for you! Yes, breaking up can be difficult, but it’s always better than continuing an unhealthy situation.
So how do you know if you should move on? Here are some signs it’s time to call it quits.
You’re the one doing all the work. Relationships that are one-sided cannot last. If he’s not making much of an effort to keep things going, you’ll find yourself exhausted and unsatisfied. If he’s taking more than he’s giving, you need to start thinking of yourself first. Putting effort into sustaining your love is a great and necessary thing. But if he’s not doing the same? Ummm, no. I don’t think so.
He’s done something unforgivable. The crime of cheating -- especially if committed early on or while the relationship is doing just fine -- is a total deal breaker and should not be tolerated. Likewise, any sort of abuse or intentional disrespect means it’s time to run (don’t walk) out of the relationship. Guys who treat you badly are bad news. No woman should ever put up with that kind of nonsense.
You’re continually trying to change him. As I like to say, people come with an “as-is” policy. You can’t get into a relationship and then start trying to “fix” all the things about your boyfriend that you wish were different. Nagging, nitpicking, and micro-managing his behavior is unhealthy for both of you. It creates resentment and frustration for all parties involved. If there’s enough about him you don’t like and want to change, it’s probably time to change boyfriends.
The sex is non-existent (or you wish it were). Most of us probably know that sex is a gauge of how well your relationship is going. If you’re not having it (and it’s not because of religious or moral reasons), there’s a problem. If you are, but you’d rather watch a repeat of Season 2 of “Jersey Shore” than do it with your guy, there’s an even bigger problem. Don’t ignore the physical aspect of your relationship. The reasons why intimacy is lacking may very well be reasons why your relationship isn’t working.
You’re fantasizing about past relationships (or imagining future ones). When a relationship is causing us unhappiness or when we have doubts about its future success, we often begin to think about other men. We’ll compare our current guy to a former love or maybe even to a current crush and he will pale in comparison. Listen, there’s nothing wrong with comparing your guy to an ex if it goes like this: “I’m so happy I’m with Steve. He’s a much better boyfriend that Tim was.” But if you start idealizing past relationships or daydreaming about how things could have been different with an old flame, it’s a sure-fire sign your current relationship is a nightmare. When every guy (yes, even the one who stole your credit card and took another girl to Vegas with it) looks better than your boyfriend, it’s time for a reality check.
Breaking up is rarely easy. Even when it’s your only choice, it is often a difficult one. Is there a loss? Sure. Will you grieve? Of course. But never forget that any pain you feel is only a small portion of the pain that comes from being in a relationship that isn’t working. Ending a bad relationship is actually the first step to finding a good one.
Jenn Clark is a relationship advice expert and author of the book “How to Be a Goddess (A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming the Woman Men Dream About…).” You can find it on her Facebook page: www.facebook.com/jennx30somethingandsingle
Or on amazon.com at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/Goddess-Step--Becoming-About-ebook/dp/B006HBSWSS/r