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How to Keep a Man Happy

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Posted by Jenn Clark on April 4, 2013 at 8:00 PM

It’s often said that women are the complicated ones and men are pretty simple to figure out. I think there’s truth to that. While we have a lot of needs when it comes to feeling esteemed, loved, and cared for in a relationship, men have a much shorter list. However, even though they may not require as much as we do, it can still be difficult to keep him satisfied -- mainly because their needs are much different than ours.

Most women attempt to care for a man in the way they themselves want to be cared for, as opposed to acting in the ways that speak to him. This causes major problems in the relationship. If you’re struggling to keep your guy happy or if you have a history of men losing interest, check out the following. Once you learn what makes a man tick - and act on that knowledge - you can’t help but see a major improvement in your love life.      

Don't act needy.  Needy women are those that cling to a man as if he’s her whole world. They require constant attention and approval. They’re not satisfied with the state of the relationship and even if he makes her a priority and shows how much he cares, it’s not enough for her. Neediness with a man always translates as insecurity. It demonstrates you don’t think highly of yourself and he has to be the one to fix you. A quality man wants a confident woman, not an insecure girl he has to take care of.

Have sex with him. Let’s get this straight: The way to win a man over is not by having sex with him.  Men don’t fall in love because a woman gives it up easily or is a complete freak in bed. (In fact, this usually has the opposite effect.) However, once a relationship is serious (and especially after the initial passion has worn off and the day-to-day has settled in), it’s important to keep a man satisfied.  Acting like you’re not interested in him sexually is devastating to him. To a man, a sexless relationship is a loveless relationship.    

Keep his stomach full. You don’t have to act like Betty Crocker or Julia Childs to make a man happy.  In fact, I’m a big believer that in the beginning of a relationship it’s completely unnecessary (and somewhat off-putting) to start whipping up four-course meals in an effort to impress him. Let’s face it, however:  Guys get cranky if they don’t eat. Most of us ladies can skip a meal without getting into a funk - just give us a mocha frappaccino and a shopping mall and we’ll be good for nine hours. Most men, however, are different. Making sure his stomach isn’t grumbling and, yes, cooking him a nice meal from time-to-time shows that you care about his basic needs.

Give him some down time. I knew a man who was very much in love with his wife and liked to sing her praises. One of the attributes he often talked about was her ability to let him relax and decompress.  She didn’t attack him with a bunch of “to dos” or start talking his ear off the moment he walked in the door from a long day at work. She created a sense of peace in his life. This is a difficult skill for most of us to have, but it is so worth cultivating. When we allow a man the opportunity to recharge his batteries, it usually inspires him to want to spend quality time with us afterward.

Don't check up on him.  Men need their space and independence. They don’t want to worry that if they leave you alone at their place you’ll start snooping through their drawers, hacking into their Facebook, or checking their voice mail. They don’t want a woman to ask, “Who was that?” in an accusatory tone every time their phone rings. They don’t want to be assaulted by texts asking where he is and what he’s up to. In a man’s mind, not giving him freedom means you don’t trust him. And if a man doesn’t feel trusted, he won’t feel loved.

Build him up. Nagging, nitpicking, and constant criticism wear on a man’s ego. They make him feel like a failure and as though he can’t do anything right. If he deals with too much of this type of behavior he will either check out and stop trying or he will leave completely. A man needs to feel as though he’s your superhero.  He needs to know you respect him and believe in him. So show him that you do! And if you don’t feel that way about him, you shouldn’t be with him in the first place.  

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Jenn Clark is a relationship advice expert and author of the book “How to Be a Goddess (A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming the Woman Men Dream About…).” You can find it on her Facebook page or on Amazon.com or on Twitter @JennX30

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"To a man, a sexless relationship is a loveless relationship." Not true, try living purity. My boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year now, and we have fought to live purity, believing that sex should be saved for marriage when we are in a 100% committed relationship for the rest of our lives. It hasnt been easy, we have to be careful with how we treat each others body so as not to accidentally stimulate each other in that way, we have to be weary of how the other reacts to certain things, we have had to watch out for each other alot. But i wouldnt change a thing, because i know that he loves me for the person that i am, not for the sex i can give him, and how i make him feel sexually. I know that i can lie down with him in bed and just cuddle him and talk about childish things or really important topics, and always know that he is happy just doing that. I know that when he travels to come and pick me up or see me for a little while, he dosnt have any other intention than to see me, he dosnt want sex, he dosnt want to make me do something i dont want to do, he simply wants to see me, hear my voice, cuddle me, and maybe go swing on the swings near my house. I love my boy, i love how sometimes he just looks me in the eyes and tells me im beautiful, and dosnt expect me to do or say anything in return. We can run around in onesies together and not feel the need to constantly impress each other, we can get completely messy eating mangoes at the beach without cutlery (in modest a modest one piece), we can dance our crazy little dances to funny music, we can randomly poor water over each others heads when its hot (...leading to a very wet floor :P), we can sing at each other, even though i know im terrible, he likes my singing because he likes to see me happy, we like cooking together, we study together, we go on adventures, we plan events together, he is my best friend, and my love. It sounds corny i know (and it gets a whole lot more cony) but every girl deserves to be loved and to love the perfect man without feeling the need to satisfy him. Love is simple when its pure. Love should never be complicated, or should never make you feel the need to "keep him happy" he should love you, just because you are who you are.
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  • Posted by Anonymous on July 6, 2013 at 11:47 AM
BARF....
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