GirlsGuideTo | I may be a little crazy but who isnt?

Okay, so basically, I'm having a little trouble right now. Last November (on my birthday), my fiance and I (of a year and a half) broke up because I found out that he cheated on me. And that's just something that I'm really not a fan of, because every guy I've dated either cheated on or abused me, and I told myself that I was done with that stuff. Well, we were pretty serious (obviously, we were engaged) and then he decides to cheat on me because things are starting to "fizzle". So, you would think that after 11 months, I would be over this guy, right? Nope. I mean, I'm not like the crazy ex-girlfriend who goes and destroys everything he owns, just because he cheated on me. No, I'm more like the.. Wishing I could talk to him, missing his smile or the way he would look at me when he kissed me, kind of stuff. I mean, he's with the girl he cheated on me with, and for some reason that just really bothers me to no end. It's not that I'm not happy for him, because I am (kind of), I guess you could say it's a type of jealousy, that he's happy and has absolutely no guilt about what happened, and here I am trying to get over somebody that didn't really care about me. Sometimes, he texts me or messages me on Facebook, telling me that he's "sorry for what happened" and he "misses me" and "sometimes, when I look at my girlfriend, I wish it were you because nobody can make me as happy as you did". I'm not so sure how to take that, because I know how he really is. One minute it's all, "I miss you so much.." then the next it's, "I don't think we should be talking..." for fear of his girlfriend finding out. Which, I can kind of understand that. I don't know why it's taking me so long to get over him though. It's never taken me this long to get over an ex. Give me about a month and I've completely forgotten he exists. There's just something about this particular guy that I can't seem to forget and I know that I should, I'm just scared to, for some reason. I mean, I still get butterflies and sometimes even blush when I think about him. And I know, some of you women out there will tell me to grow up and get over it, blah blah blah. But sometimes, it's really hard to just "get over" somebody who you've shared and told EVERYTHING with. I've told him my deepest secrets that I've never even told my best friend or my parents. I really just don't know why it's taking me so long. Sometimes, I'll dream about him and wake myself up in tears because I know it's just a dream. I tell myself and my friends that I'm over him, but deep down I know I'm not. I just need some advice.. I know. Get over him is one piece of advice. But sometimes, that doesn't help a person out too much. I deleted his number, and off of Facebook, but it's still not helping any. Help, please?

Comments

Posted by Laura Gable McGarvey on November 3, 2011 at 5:19 PM

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Funny thing about relationships and time, you seem to forget the bad times so much and focus on the good times too much which leads you to the fake belief yall had a great relationship when you obviously really didn't.
When it is someone you cannot get over the more time passes the more you forget the bad. trust me i have been there
Try to remember the bad and focus on it and then realize there is an entire world out there and he is just one person that is not worth your time. easier said than done but it can be done. And you will need to stop talking to him which is also easier said than done from the way you talk about him.

Posted by E.J. Kenyon on November 3, 2011 at 5:11 PM

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I've just been through a very similar situation as you, so I know that "get over it" is not good enough.

I can tell you what I have done. I have no idea if any of it will help, but maybe, at least one of these things, can help you take that big step in the right direction.

Stop talking to the guy pretty much altogether was my first step. After that, I decided, between him and all of the crap I've been dealing with for the past couple of years, I'm going to have a year of me. As in, make healthy decisions for myself. Don't stretch myself thin to help others. As much as I want to to help them, they do not always need my help.

Next step was to stop thinking about him. This was probably one of the hardest things. One thing that really helped me with this was keeping busy. As in, not too much idle time within a day, for several days. Boredom is my enemy, dunno if it is for you as well.

One thing that I went through, and that you might go through as well, is that it hurts to get over him. As much as I wanted to cling to the idea of me and him, it's so much better to move on. Even though it hurt to get over him, it was nowhere near as painful as the crap he pulled me.

I've started doing yoga, eating healthier, doing more things for myself, and less bending of my schedule for others. I have no idea if this last statement is relevant to you or not. Again, I would like to state this is what I have done, and been through, myself.

Actual suggestions: Try something new. Start a project you keep putting off. Make positive changes in your own life.

It will not be quick. I needed that eureka moment to realize that I'm better off with out him. Moving on with my life did help. I did that by starting to work out, healthier habits, and spending more time with people that actually care about me. Ranting to new friends helped me, a lot, too, since they had a fresh perspective on the situation.

I apologize if I repeated myself a bit, there. I just wanted to make sure that I got everything down. I hope that something I wrote helps you

Posted by Cynthia Paul on November 3, 2011 at 5:04 PM

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In all honesty, you have to heal from the situation and everyone heals differently. You say that it normally would take a month to get over a guy, well were you engaged to anyone else? If this is the one who was different because you were engaged to be married, no one has the right to tell you how long it takes to get over that person. Hell, I am married now and I still catch myself thinking about past loves and wondering how they are. Not that I want to see them or be with them, just a kind thought here and there. You can let go and force yourself to get over it but in order to stay somewhat sane, I suggest you cope and heal in your own way. Another suggestion, don't let him talk to you like he misses you and then takes it back like he has a conscious all the sudden. He cheated on you and he is probably going to do it to her. So when he starts to talk to you like that, tell him politely to please stop and that you are still healing from the break up. Tell him you would appreciate it if he didn't keep trying to reel you back in with kind words and make you start to feel for him all over again. Stopping this process is the only way this is going to change. Good luck. If you need anything, find me on face book. Much love and blessings.