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Is He Ready to Commit to You and Only You?

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Posted by Brette Borow on October 7, 2009 at 3:09 AM

Many of the ladies on here have asked for relationship advice specifically "how do you know if a guy's really ready to commit (ie: marriage material)?" So, I sat down with dating expert and author of “Catch Him & Keep Him” Christian Carter to find out....

Christian:Simple- you make sure you do the following:

1) Don't Ever Convince: You don't ever be the one who is "carrying" the relationship or trying to convince him to want something else/more with you. Doing this is one of the most dangerous TRAPS women fall into with men and relationships. If you avoid ever being the one who's trying to lead and move things towards a real commitment, then you'll never have to guess if the man in your life is genuinely interested, ready and personally devoted and inspired.

2) Give Him His Freedom/Make Sure It's His Idea Too: You tell him what you want, but you don't demand it from him. A man can't and won't commit for the long term just because a woman gave him an ultimatum. It also has to be HIS IDEA. By letting a man know that you want/expect a committed relationship if you're going to spend time and really open up and share yourself with a man, but that he has the FREEDOM to say and feel how he really feels... you leave space for a man to make his own choice and commit himself to you. This is the important process of a man becoming DEVOTED to a woman, and if you don't leave space to know how he feels and for him to come towards you and ask for and want a commitment, he won't become devoted to you in the same lasting and bonded way.

3) You Listen to Him: A man will generally let you know if he wants to be with just you by his actions, and how often he wants to spend time with you. If he wants to spend most of his free time with you, and looks to make plans with you 3-4 times a week or more, he's probably thinking "commitment" with you. But too many women spend time with a man Physically and Socially 2 or less times a week and think that this time and intimacy means that he must want more. Most men could do on "casually" dating a woman, or several women, for months at a time and never spend more than 1 night or so a week with them, and never think about or want a more serious relationship to come of it.

Also, lots of women don't listen to what a man has said about what he wants and where he's at in his love life. If a man said to you when you started dating "I'm not really looking for a relationship right now", but you're spending all your time together, it doesn't mean that he's changed his mind and wants a long-term commitment or marriage now.

To read more amazing dating/relationship advice check out Christian's sitewww.catchhimandkeephim.com

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  • Posted by Anonymous on January 6, 2013 at 5:20 AM
I did all this and he still left
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  • Posted by Anonymous on January 20, 2010 at 2:02 AM
I have this problem, I've been sorta dating this guy for 4 weeks now, it started just as friends because he needed a friend right now. When we started getting close he told me he loves me (we've known each other a LONG time), he always wants me around, says that he cares and we just had sex for the first time. But he is really emotionally distant, doesn't hug or kiss more than a couple of times a day, he likes to cuddle when watching stuff on TV and in bed but thats it really. He compliments me but he mentions his ex's in certain situations. He's going through a hard time atm (a possible cancer diagnosis) plus he's not at work cause his boss is injured, so it makes it tough to talk about cause tbh it isn't the most important issue at the moment. But I just can't shake this hurt confused feelings and its starting to affect the way I see and talk to him and help him through his problems right now.
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  • Posted by Anonymous on January 2, 2010 at 2:53 PM
been in a ten year off and on relationship, to realize theres no future, trap in my love for this man. As this year start, I have moved on with our children to start all over. I have learned being engage is step one, having a date is step two, but if he don't know where he is heading in life we back to ground zero. Until he can be happy with who he is, and what he become, than the relationship can flow right, his mind set will be more serious and focus on things. As I start my life over I now see the signs as I reflect back, Also go with you gut and not let your feeling for a guy trap you in a relationship thats going no where.
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Large_picture-fb_657920563
But how do you let the man lead?
I'm not controlling in my relationship, but I'm not sure if he's leading it, either.
So how do you know when he's leading it?
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Large_picture-fb_1498147623
Get distant for awhile-being apart from each other will really bring out his true colors. If he misses you badly after awhile don't get discouraged. But, you have to be ready when the opposite happens and he just becomes more and more distant-you might even break up. But, you'll at least know how he really feels.
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Large_picture-fb_1498147623
Get distant for awhile-being apart from each other will really bring out his true colors. If he misses you badly after awhile don't get discouraged. But, you have to be ready when the opposite happens and he just becomes more and more distant-you might even break up. But, you'll at least know how he really feels.
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  • Posted by Anonymous on October 7, 2009 at 9:21 PM
thank u jamie for ur suggestion.....well at first he hadnt told me abt his galfren but when i started a relation with him i had jus broke my past relation n my ex was irritating me...at that time this present boyfren helped me a lot to come out of my ex...later after few weeks of dating he told me about his ex...i was so shocked so i decided to leave him he begged me not to leave him and that he loves me not to his ex...he cried so i needed to be with him....now also he shows love for me and explains each talk he does with his ex so I cant even blame him directly when i asked to understand my feeling now he has promised he will tell that girl....and be with me....Ya i do understand that it would have been better if i had left him the same day but....I regret that day....also i am happy that i didnt lose him.....he is the exact type of lover i always wished for...but i always fear whether i am being cheated or not...
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Large_for_20blogger
Waiting is hard - but HE is obviously is stuck between a rock and a hard place. I mean, if he wants you with him - he's probably just as miserable as you are. I would give it a little more time.

But I DO know how tough waiting is. My fiance said that I would be moving in with him this October. Last month I found out that it wouldn't be until he gets back from Quatar which will be sometime in the June/July area. Soooo....What I would suggest is take advantage of the alone time and do things you enjoy. Keep yourself busy. Then - when you are with him...yay!!!

But - I have a definite answer from my fiance. He doesn't know the exact date but he said it would be no later than a couple of months after he got back - if your man keeps "beating around the bush" I would start questioning why he keeps delaying....
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Large_for_20blogger
Very good. You are a woman worth respecting. If she doesn't even know about you then he definitely likes HER more. Not you. I hope that doesn't hurt you too bad - I'm just telling you the truth. Good luck! =)
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Large_picture-fb_1589467342
No prob! anytime! :)
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