Is Your Relationship Toxic?
Posted by Jenn Clark on August 9, 2012 at 4:46 PM
The word “toxic” is thrown around a lot these days. We worry about toxins in our food and water supply. Everyone knows that cigarettes and other cancer-causing substances are toxic to our health. We’ll apply the toxic label to “friends” who stab us in the back, over-bearing family members, and difficult bosses. However, when we’re in the midst of a damaging romantic relationship, it can be difficult (and even scary) to call it “toxic.”
Toxic relationships are more than just hurtful; they are destructive. In fact, few things have the ability to wreak havoc on your life more than a harmful relationship. Forget about merely losing some sleep or shedding a few tears; a truly toxic relationship will bring new meaning to the word “misery.” I hate to say it, but I think Britney Spears was right -- men who are toxic should come with a warning sign! Sadly, they don’t. Instead, check out the following to see if your relationship is poisonous.
He makes you feel bad about yourself. One of the signs of a healthy relationship is that you feel built up and valued by your significant other. It’s perfectly healthy to tease each other from time-to-time or to each give each other a little bit of crap on occasion. But a man who puts you down is major bad news. Toxic men are adept causing women to doubt themselves. So if he tries to make you feel stupid, inferior, or unattractive, you can rest assured it’s not you. It is indeed him.
He’s shady. Another type of of toxicity occurs when relationships are filled with secrets, lies, and deceptive behavior. Is your guy oddly possessive of his phone? Does he keep his Facebook page and email accounts on lockdown? Does he disappear from days or weeks only to resurface without a valid reason for his absence? In every relationship, there needs to be a certain amount of privacy, independence, and alone time. But when people act as though they have something to hide, it’s because they do.
He’s abusive. As most of you know, abuse isn’t always physical. Toxic men can also be emotionally and verbally abusive. They will disrespect you and degrade you. They will cause your self-esteem to plummet. No matter how many times they tell you they love you, their actions show the opposite. It’s a foolish (and dangerous) thing to stay with an abusive man, hoping he will someday treat you better. Nothing good ever comes out of these types of relationships.
He tries to control you. Is it his way or the highway? Do things have to be on his terms alone? Has he tried to alienate you from other relationships? Does he snoop or pry into every aspect of your life? Does your world revolve around him, his wants, and his opinions? Do you feel like you can’t disagree with him or voice your own views? If so, it’s time to take back control. This type of behavior is a classic example of a toxic relationship.
He makes you crazy. Let me fill you in on a little secret: The man of your dreams won’t cause you to become emotionally or mentally unbalanced. He won’t make you feel depressed, anxious, or filled with confusion. Relationships that are like roller coasters can be exciting for a bit, but not long into the ride, you’ll begin to feel like you’re losing your mind. Sound fun? It shouldn’t! Yet many women stay on that track, hoping the ups and downs will eventually even out. They never do. If a man makes your stomach toss and your head spin -- and not in a good way -- he’s toxic for sure.
Every relationship is going to have its good days and bad days. Neither you nor your guy will always be your best self. Even so, otherwise strong relationships are the ones worth fighting for and working to improve. The toxic relationship? Not so much. In fact, there’s only one solution to a toxic relationship: You have to get the hell out. No matter what you might think or how hard you might try, it’s always impossible to fix or change another person unless they themselves want to do the work. If you’re with a man who’s constantly bringing you down, it’s time to build yourself back up. No guy is worth compromising your personal well-being.
Jenn Clark is a relationship advice expert and author of the book “How to Be a Goddess (A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming the Woman Men Dream About…).” You can find it on her Facebook page:www.facebook.com/jennx30somethingandsingle
Or on amazon.com at the following link: http://www.amazon.com/Goddess-Step--Becoming-About-ebook/dp/B006HBSWSS/r