It's A Dealbreaker If...
Posted by Jenn Clark on April 7, 2011 at 2:20 PM
It seems to me that the majority of women fall into one of two camps. There are those who will jump to the dump at the slightest hint a guy is not "perfect." And then there are others who will put up with almost any type of behavior a man throws their way just to be in a relationship. Shouldn't there be a happy medium? Can't we learn how to compromise without compromising ourselves?
Of course we are all unique individuals and the things about a man that I can't live with may be different than yours. (And vice versa.) Perhaps you love guys in True Religion Jeans and Ed Hardy t-shirts while I prefer my men in three button suits and Hermes ties. Maybe you get along better with quiet, sensitive types while I do best with alpha males with big personalities. So much of dating and finding love comes down to personal taste and preference. And that's OK.
However, there are indeed some universal "dealbreakers;" some actions and behaviors which no woman (or man) should tolerate. So if your guy (or potential guy) exhibits one or more of the following, I think it's time to wake up and call it out. Such behaviors are definite dealbreakers...
1. He's cheated.Here's one thing I've learned: If he cheats on you and you let him get away with it, chances are VERY HIGH he'll do it again. And how do you let him get away with it? By continuing the relationship. By not dumping his ass the very first time. Sure, you may have cried, screamed, and made him suffer for his sins. But at the end of the day, you've accepted his behavior by staying with him. It's my opinion that if you have a commitment and he breaks it, you've got one option. You have to pick yourself up, put on your tennis shoes, and run far far away from this man.
2. He's dishonest. Anyone who tells you they are 100% truthful 100% of the time is a straight up liar. We all (on occasion) omit details and tell half truths. "No, you don't look fat" or "Yes, I like your new haircut" aren't dealbreaker lies, per se. However, if a man lies to cover up who he truly is, what's he's doing, or how he feels - beware! If he's dishonest about big things in the relationship, you'll never be able to trust him. And that's a dealbreaker for sure.
3. He's disrespectful. I believe a man shows you who he is in the little things. Does he call when he says he will? Does he often break (or make) plans at the last minute? And how does he treat the people he encounters in his day-to-day activities? A quality guy will be respectful of your time, emotions, and boundaries. A quality guy treats others with dignity. But a man who has little or no regard for your feelings (or the feelings of others) is a bona-fide dealbreaker. Don't even try to get him to see things from your point of view. Telling him that his actions or words are hurtful does little good with these types of men. So if he intentionally disrespects you, I say it's time to cut your losses and move on.
4. He's taken. Unavailable men are always dealbreakers. If he's married, has a girlfriend, or even if he's technically single but is still hung up on another, then he's a heartbreak waiting to happen. Heartbreak for you, girlfriend. Don't even go there. It's a terrible thing to feel like "the other woman;" to be his second choice or runner-up. So if you meet a guy who's already spoken for, it doesn't matter if you're positive he could be your soul mate. Better to wait and see if his relationship status changes before becoming involved. To paraphrase a man I know, "If he's willing to cheat with you, he'll be willing to cheat on you." And that, my friend, is a dealbreaker.
5. He's abusive. Abuse encompasses more than the physical variety we have all heard about. Men who degrade you, intentionally and repeatedly say hurtful things, and who put you down are verbally and emotionally abusive. And this is nearly impossible to change. Accepting such behavior will tear down your self-esteem and wear on your soul. So don't do it. Ever. In fact, you need to bolt at the first sniff of any type of abuse. It's a first-degree dealbreaker.
I like to say, when it comes to finding a partner, don't accept the traits you can't live with and hold out for the traits you can't live without. And, as I mentioned earlier, a lot of this is subjective. But none of us should ever settle for a man who treats us poorly. And the end of the day, thatis the ultimate dealbreaker.