LOL: There Exists a “50 Shades of Chicken”…
Posted by Katie Ostoich on September 20, 2012 at 10:16 AM
…And it is awesome. Soooo awesome, you guys. With a tagline like “50 chicken recipes bound to be delicious” how can it not be?
Yes, this is real; this is an actual thing that is coming out and will be available for purchase.
Still don't believe me? Maybe this excerpt will do the job:
“I want you to see this. Then you’ll know everything. It’s a cookbook,” he says and opens to some recipes, with color photos. “I want to prepare you, very much.” This isn’t just about getting me hot till my juices run clear, and then a little rest. There’s pulling, jerking, stuffing, trussing. Fifty preparations. He promises we’ll start out slow, with wine and a good oiling...Holy crap. “I will control everything that happens here,” he says. “You can leave anytime, but as long as you stay, you’re my ingredient.” I’ll be transformed from a raw, organic bird into something — what? Something delicious.
We have all seen the numerous parodies since the erotic trio of novels came out, but, hey, at least this one is useful. I can't get over the hilarity of the description on the book's web site:
“If Fifty Shades of Grey left you hungry and lusting for more (more, more!), then sink your teeth into this naughty tale of a young, free-range, and very fresh chicken who, like Anastasia Steele, finds herself at the mercy of a dominating man; in this case, a kinky and very ravenous chef.
These fifty chicken recipes, each more seductive than the last, will make every dinner a turn-on.”
"Like so many others, Fifty Shades of Greyresonated for me," the writer – working under the pen name FL Fowler (also amazing!) – told PEOPLE. "It evoked something I'd never been able to express. Then one day as I was tying up the ankles of a chicken for roasting, I realized why some of the scenes in the book were so strikingly familiar. It turns out I've been practicing BDSM for years – but with poultry."
According to a description on its Amazon page, the book features recipes with names like "Dripping Thighs," "Sticky Chicken Fingers," "Vanilla Chicken," "Chicken with a Lardon," "Bacon-Bound Wings," "Spatchcock Chicken," "Learning-to-Truss-You Chicken," "Holy Hell Wings" and "Mustard-Spanked Chicken." Holy hell indeed.
The book won't be available until November 13, but the site is already taken pre-orders. The normal price is $19.99, but it's available at a discount for $13.31.
Our verdict: LOL. This is just too much. Just too much. I mean, look at that cover. There’s gonna be a shortage of kitchen twine in no time.
Are you just too tired of the whole Fifty Shades phenomenon to LOL at this, or will you be investing in a copy?Or the real question: Who’s getting this for Christmas?