Sex Drive Killers (And How to Get Your Groove Back)
Posted by Girls Guide To on August 16, 2012 at 6:45 PM
Let’s be honest, everyone has days when they’re just not in the mood. You’re tired. You have a huge deadline at work. But when the days start turning into weeks and months, you could be facing an issue with low libido. And trust me, we all go through periods of time when desire is low because there are loads of things that affect a woman's sex drive. Some factors are obvious, while others definitely are not. It can be very difficult to tell exactly what the problem is, so here is a collection of the most common issues that may be affecting your sex drive, and what you can do to start feeling in the mood again.
Ok, so this one isn’t sneaky, but it is the most common. Confidence issues are major hindrances to a healthy sex life. And bad self-image is the worst offender. Maybe you’re one of these women…the women who always want the lights out and won't fully undress in front of a guy. I know, it can take a long time to get comfortable in your own skin and truly feel confident, but it’s working on if you want to reboot your sex drive.
Stress and Anxiety
Most women are a little stressed. We work, we have families, we go back to school. But when it starts to affect your sex life, it becomes a problem. Some major stress relief is in order here, but how that is achieved is up to you. Take a bath. Add in some yoga after work. Drink a glass of wine at dinner. Or involve your guy and ask for a relaxing massage!
Along with stress, feeling anxious about sex for whatever reason (perhaps childhood abuse, assault, or general feelings of inadequacy) is a tragedy not only for your sex life, but for your whole life. You need to figure out and overcome your reasons for feeling anxious for the improvement of your own life.
Lack of Exercise
It’s simple: Women who exercise regularly have higher sex drives. And bonus, more often than not, their periods are less painful and PMS is a lot less severe or even nonexistent. This happens because when the body is healthy, small chemical and hormone changes have the effect they're supposed to have -- preparing the body for pregnancy -- instead of causing major disturbances to chemicals in the brain and wreaking havoc on the body and mind.
Diet plays a major role in all aspects of how you feel physically, as well as in overall happiness and well-being. Your diet can be stopping you from feeling your best, meaning you’re not going to want to get it on anytime soon. After all, we are what we eat. So swap the chips for a salad, the Coke for water, and your energy levels will rise as a result. More energy for life means more energy for sex.
Birth Control (aka, The Pill)
The pill definitely has it good and bad sides. The good news: The freedom gained from the pill is awesome; knowing you won’t get pregnant is liberating. The bad news: The pill can be dangerous for a woman’s libido. Essentially, your hormones are leveled completely (and artificially), which rules out the sexual peak at ovulation (most birth control pills force the body to skip ovulation) and just before your period. It affects the body by increasing the levels of something called SHBG (sex hormone-binding globulin), which attaches itself to testosterone in her bloodstream, rendering it useless.
Sorry to go all science-class on you here, but testosterone is responsible for much of a woman's sex drive, so the loss of your already low levels is bad news. This can be a trade off, because some women really do need the pill to stay healthy. Going off the pill may not be the best idea, so ask your doctor for an alternative type of birth control.
Some antidepressants can increase libido in women, while others, such as Prozac, reduce it significantly. There are some that have had fewer reported sexual side effects, so if one antidepressant doesn't work well, there are other options. Overall, antidepressants help encourage sex because you will be feeling better about life in general and will have more energy, but unfortunately, orgasm can often be delayed or not happen at all.
So how do you reignite the fire?
Defining the problem is the first step toward discovering why you’re just never in the mood. Whether it's overuse of McDonald’s or the pill messing with your hormones, everything we put inside us affects our bodies and, therefore, our sex drives. If you can find the real problem, you can fix it.
Here are things you can try to get your groove back:
It’s really simple. We’re all doing too much, and most of it just doesn’t have to be done. Create downtime every evening. Literally, find ways to make yourself bored. With boredom comes sexual interest.
Enough said. You just can’t feel sexy if you never quite feel awake.
Feel good about yourself.
Exercise. Eat well. Take care of yourself. The better care you take of your body, the better you will feel about your body. The better you feel about your body, the sexier you’ll feel.
Read a dirty book.
Or watch some porn. Seriously, a few paragraphs in, you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Lie in bed together. Cuddle. Take turns sharing your wildest sexual fantasies. Describe the scene with all of your senses: what you see, what you feel, what you taste, and so on.
Spice it up.
Part of the turn-off of long-term monogamy stems from monotony—doing the same old sexual routine every single time. He kisses you here. Then you touch him there. Point A goes into slot B. Oh, so been there, done that. Try new locations. For instance, try out all of the rooms of your house. Then move to the backyard. Try new positions. Try new outfits.
Try some give and take.
If you’re not in the mood, spend some time pleasuring him. Chances are, by the time he’s done, you’ll want him to return the favor.
Do your household chores.
I know, doing the dishes is totally not sexy. But crossing tasks off your to-do list will put you in a much better mental space for sex. While your husband may have no problem getting busy while your house is crumbling around you, you need to feel like there's a sense of order.
Institute the 10-minute rule.
Even if you're not in the mood, give yourself 10 minutes to give sex a shot. In reality, most women stuck in a rut don't have anything against sex—you want to want sex, right?—but you aren't giving yourself a chance to do so." Go through the motions. Your body will catch up.
And if all else fails, masturbate.
Women sometimes think that if they (or their significant others) masturbate while they're in a relationship they're somehow cheating on their partner or their partner isn't satisfying them. And that's just not true. It's a healthy sexual outlet, and is a surefire way to get in the mood for sex, whether you do it solo or in bed with your partner.
So spill: How do you get in the mood if you’re feeling like your sex drive is low?
For more libido boosting advice, check out the second episode of Girls Guide To... TV! We cover all the taboo topics you want to hear about!
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