Women’s Ten Biggest Complaints…About Men’s Ten Biggest Complaints About Women

Hey, girls, were you wondering how you could be less of an annoying nag so that someone will finally love you? Well, stop worrying—the geniuses over at eHarmony has come up with a list of the top ten most-awful things about you. Because if there's one thing I know about us, it's that we are all the same. We all think the same, act the same, talk the same. Oh and guys? They’re all the same too. Riiight.

1. "You see us as projects you can 'fix.'"
Women see potential. They see rough edges, and they want to sand them off. This makes us crazy. We don't want to change. We have chosen our car, hair, friends, home and hobbies because we enjoy them.

Great point, men. No one should have to change for someone else. Except then, why did you make this list of sh*tty things we should change about ourselves to find love?

2. "Your expectations are set by Hollywood and sky high."
They've been fed a fantasy about romance and passion for so long that when a REAL act of love comes down the pike, he notices that the tread on your tires is low and buys a new set, it hardly even registers.

I’m sorry, but new tires aren’t high on my list of romance. It’s…sweet, I guess? Ok, I guess we could stop expecting Ryan Gosling-esque moves…

3. "You're always looking down the road."
Women tend to think about the next major step in life. Men tend to think about the next major meal...There is a female drive to get answers to questions like, "What ARE we?", "Are we exclusive yet?", "Are we going to get married?" that makes it seem like they aren't enjoying the now and only worry about the future.

This is another great point, men. How dare we think about anything other than the next 30 minutes or what we want for lunch? I know I love to live my life like I’m a mosquito at your barbecue moving from person to person and always in slapping danger. Hmm, sound like someone you know?

4. "You use your emotions as a weapon."
I suppose it isn't your fault that during an important conversation about the future of our relationship you start crying, but surely you understand that this derails the ability to pursue the issue at hand.

Jeez, ladies, didn’t you know how annoying and manipulative it is when you start crying all over the place, when all your guy was trying to do was say a bunch of stuff that makes you cry?

5. "You have a tendency to be critical."
I've tried to avoid the word n-a-g, but there seems to be some internal mechanism that makes women predisposed to criticism, in the same way that men are predisposed to seek their man cave.

Maybe we wouldn’t have to be critical if you’d just do everything we say the first time we say it and exactly how we tell you to do it. Then there’s be no nagging at all, am I right ladies?

6. "You like to play coy."
This game where you pretend you don't care and secretly hope we chase you down is for teenagers.

Stop right here. Seriously? I don’t want to get into a he said/she said thing, but men do this waaaay more than women do. I thought the stereotype was than men are distant and women are needy. Isn’t that the basis of every rom-com? This is a classic dude move—to pretend like you don't like someone so that they'll chase you but won't accidentally like you too much so that you can control the situation or whatever.

7. "You fixate on what we're thinking, when you should be watching what we're doing."
You ask, "What are you thinking?" and we say, "Nothing." You figure this must be a lie, and decide that we aren't willing to communicate with you. The problem is, this is the wrong question to ask. We're action-oriented. You don't need to ask what we're thinking, just watch what we're doing. Coming home late every night? We're not happy at home. Uninterested in sex, probably crushed by stress. Not calling you back even though we said, "I love you?" We don't love you. You can save the questions about musings until you see a change in our behavior. That's the surest sign that something needs to be discussed.

Ok, there’s probably some truth to this. I don’t really have a complaint about this complaint.

8. "You don't understand and/or like our need for alone time."
If she loves him she should know that he NEEDS this time on the golf course. It's his passion. It's his release. Without it he will burn up with anxiety and frustration over life's little indignities. Why does she get involved with a man who has a hobby she doesn't like? See "You see us as projects you can fix."

He will “burn up” without alone time? God, well if we had known it was a health emergency maybe we would have left you alone!

9. "You have a complicated set of double standards."
I could write a novel on this one. We only need look at the example of going dutch on a first date. You offer to split the check, and if we let you, you hold it against us. Really? You demand, quite rightly, to be in on all important relationship decisions, yet when we take you out and ask, "What would you like to do tonight?" you are angry that we haven't taken charge of the situation. It's a confusing set of double standards and antiquated rules that make it very difficult for us to know which move is the right one.

This is pretty specific. I’m guessing the guy who made this complaint is speaking from experience. First of all, just because we offer to split the check doesn’t mean you should let us! If you do, yeah, we probably will hold it over you. And second, I hardly think that making dinner plans is an important relationship decision to be made. I would really love to read his “novel” about this.

10. "You want us to change, and then lose respect for us when we do."
I have a friend that met and married a woman who wasn't thrilled that he played in a band. She was a bit threatened by the attention he received and his time spent pursuing this. She told him, "I really wish you didn't play in this band," and because he loved her, he quit. Within a few months this woman was confiding to her friends, "I'm a little less attracted to him because he quit the band, and just did what I asked. Now, he just hangs out at home."

Again, we’re getting a little specific here. But ok, I’ll bite. So yeah, she was a little jealous and asked him to stop playing in the band. But I bet she didn’t ask him to give up all his hobbies and sit on the couch all day long. I guess it’s like asking your husband to change than yelling at him that he’s no longer the man you married. Lol. In essence, we want you to change, but not too much.

Ok, so there’s a lot of disgruntled men out there, if these are real complaints. But really, the main problem with most of these complaints isn't that they're unreasonable—it's that they're the kind of shitty things that all people do in relationships sometimes. There are no Women Things and Man Things—there are just People Things.

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