same thing happened to me and it doesnt go anywhere good. specially if he's from your workplace. People will start talking and thats never good specially because he has a 3 yr old and he is still with the mother of the kid. You should really just tell him you dont want anything else with him even though it might not be true. but it will be the best for u, i mean he told u he only wanted u for sex? what else can u expect from him he's obviously not going to develop any feelings for u as u did with him. so i would really do the same thing he's doing to u know, not answering his calls or texting him back if he asks u at work why u havent answered, just tell him ur busy. that will get to him because that way he knows he's not that important to u.

I can't say that every rendevous I had in the office was a bad thing, although it is definitely not recommended by most employers. (LOL) I have seen some pretty crazy things at my workplaces, like women stomping off steaming mad, quitting their jobs, or guys totally infatuated by a gal who didn't really want anything to do with them, then THEY quit because of the embarrassment. For once I'd like to see a happy situation, maybe one day, but probably not.
The dude already made it clear that it was just a sexual thing. The first thing you should have said was, "Ok, let me run to Fascinations, and get you the blow up sheep." Ok, save that one for next time. in the meantime, GF you need to CUT OFF contact with this walking disaster (as obvious by his relationship, the wifie or GF probably doesn't trust him, can you really BLAME HER????) that is where the dysfunction is coming from, and unfortunately, you are adding to it.(even if you didn't mean too) oh yes. I have been there too. I dated a married guy years ago, biggest mistake of my life. In my defense though, I didn't know he was married, and broke it off immediately after finding out.
What you deserve, is a guy to be committed to you, and love you for who you are. You deserve a guy who isn't going to go behind your back, and find a mistress. You deserve to be loved, and not have to hide your romance. You deserve the respect of being able to hold hands with this special someone in a mall, or at the park. That is what makes you feel like you are on cloud 9,
then it becomes more than just 'sex".

you are worthy to love, and be loved. what you are basically saying, is that this is what you want, this is what you deserve, and you aren't getting it.(meaning love) So,sweetie, if you suffered from low self esteem, you wouldn't even realize this. because you know you want to be loved. And, who wouldn't? (except someone with low esteem of themselves).

Over the years, I have watched the bar drop in the dating scene. I mean, I am not that old, but I can remember my grandparents talking about how a gentleman always opened a car door, and in my generation, it was guys opening up retail store doors, and the like, just out of courtesy. Unfortunately, I can't relate to the same dating habits my parents enjoyed. for them, it was wait until marriage before sex, and for my generation, it was wait a month, marriage optional, and now it is sex by the third date. and what is this group dating thing? ha ha! I have dated, and didn't even know it...(LOL)
What is worse, is that guys who want to whore around in the field, and not be attached,- are now resulting to sex buddies. (sorry to the guys out there, I don't mean all of the guys, just alot of them)
basically,
this is sex with no attachments.
free sex.
If I held a sign up at the grocery store saying "free sex" ....
well, maybe I would enjoy giving it away, but in time, it would just depress me, I'd get nothing for it. I only enjoyed it at first, but then I realized it was pretty fruitless....
unless I got knocked up, and then I could collect child support, and end up on welfare. (sigh)

by no means take any of this literally!!!!!
I am just saying, it can happen. it does happen. we women get used all the time. It is very hard to say "no" sometimes. however, you have to think about this stuff.

and, what is worse? when I hear "she took him for everything he had" during a divorce.

so then you feel sorry for the guy...she wasn't thinking about that though, she already decided all men are scum because they use women and then dump them. she is just doing what she had been taught by all those scummy men.

there are so many examples. One of my favorite shows is desperate housewives (although they are getting kinda old!!!-LOL) I like it because there is soooo much more going on behind the scenes, than just happy go lucky residents on hisperia lane. It shows what consequences of their guilty little deeds, and how easy it is for everything to unravel.

(sigh) the story of my life.

good luck to you, remember- have someone love you for you. It is much better!

I think that if you love to stay with him you must accept that between you there is only sex...at least you have him in some way :)

well first off guys dont know how to be in those type of relationships bc when you get there with a guy they start to treat you like a girlfriend (which gets our hopes up) but the only reason why they do that is bc of past relationships

you need to walk away now before you get hurt and if you dont now you will get hurt

What a mess, I've not been in your shoes exactly- but in similar situations. The hardest thing to do when a guy tells you the "TRUTH", is to believe what he says. And just because he told the "TRUTH" does not make him Mr. Wonderful, if I told you that I was going to steal your purse the next time you were sleeping, would you like me because I told the truth- lol. Whether his relationship with his childs mother is dysfunctional or not, does not matter. It is still a relationship ( he is emotionally unavailable) Don't you deserve to have a man put more effort into a relationship with you? I wonder if his childs mother knows that he has a "friend with benefits", maybe he is the reason the relationship is dysfunctional?
Bottom line...If he is offering you less than you need--- then you don't need him.
My favorite saying is "NEXT", no doubt you will meet someone more worth your time.

The same thing is happening with me...minus the kid. His ex - girlfriend is way too involved for my liking. They are still super close, she is now dating a man way older than her. He says he loved her and will take it a while to get over her so for now he doesnt want anything serious, which i was happy at the time making that decision. However, we were spending an incredible amount of time together, as soon as i start to question the possibility of moving in a different direction he freak. Although if he knows im out with another guy, its 20 questions.

Recently he phoned me to ask me what i was doing over the weekend, as i was away we wouldnt be seeing each other. But he continued to tell me about the girl he was going to her house...i shouldnt have reacted because we made the agreement that we werent serious - this sparked a huge arguement. He didnt call or txt for nearly a week. Then he called i dont know why i answered but i did and he was happy as larry.

He really wasnt worth it.

i think you shud go with you 1st instinced if you rly like him then go for it but if you no in your heart its not riteban hes not rite for you then swirve him off xxx he wont be worth it in the long run and have some respect for yourself an am not bein horrible but you sound like a hussy bcuz you no hes involved with sum1 hes 11 yrs older than you he has kids an your onli in it for sex yep sounds like a slut to me!...an you shudnt need are opinion rly you no what to do you just want sum1 to say diffrent so you have somebody to blame when it falls apeart

I think that the guy is just with you for sex. And that yu should find another person to love because he hasn't breakin up with his real girlfriend, so it makes me wonder if you're there for sex too.

let it go before things go any further and you end up really getting hurt. Try to find someone new, who doesn't set the "It's just sex" boundary, so you can perhaps have a relationship with someone who wants stability too.

Woman raised by a really frank and honest father here. I understand the male mind much better than the female mind. He is sending signals that he has noticed your developing feelings and wants none of it. To be honest, he was never worth your time and he's a selfish b-----d on top of it. You are 20 years old! There are men looking at you and wanting to be with you and you're missing the self-esteem boost and the fun that you can get from all of their attention because you're paying attention to the wrong guy.

This guy from your job was more honest than most men usually are and told you what he wanted was sex. Then he figured out that he liked all of the adoration and attention he got from you and started calling and texting because your attention made him feel good. But, now, what you're after is the same thing his child's mother requires of him and he went looking for a side relationship in the first place to avoid that. This guy is not for you if you want a relationship. He's not going to give it to you.

Honestly, anybody my age (31) going after a 20-year-old probably has some maturity issues anyway and is not your guy. A man that is interested in you will never leave you in doubt like this. There will not be any other women in the picture. If the question of another woman comes up he will definitely make it clear, by both words and actions that it is you he wants and he will make sure any other woman knows it too.

If you want to play the field... have fun! But when you want something more serious, make sure the guy you get serious with is as committed or more committed than you are. This guy was never worthy enough to be with you. And I'm with the anonymous person above, his "dysfunctional" relationship is probably really him cheating on the girl.

I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I wish the best for you and hope that you find a guy that deserves you.

Here is the thing... Men are able to have sex with emotions and feelings turned off... You could be a machine for all their care when they need sex! So hun, here is my advise: act like you're the happiest person on earth and you'll start believing it, act like you don't need him, and you'll start believing it, don't answer his texts or phone calls and do just what he does to you, pretend like you don't care, and eventually you won't. Try to spend as much time as possible with your friends and don't think about this too much because it's just gonna hurt every time.
Honestly, going out with friends is the hardest thing to do when you're going through this, but trust me! Helps like nothing else! It takes your mind off of things.
Eventually you'll meet someone who's worth it! You will! Most likely when you're not looking :)
That's how it was for me... Good luck!

You only have feelings for him because you have low self esteem. I've been through this but as soon as the feelings started coming in I ran because I was too afraid to have it known I was a fool.

Fall in love with yourself and that's hard believe me I know, But it's possible! I grew up with a step father who would tell me I would never amount to anything and that I was always going to be a failure. I was Raped more than a couple times and was too afraid to do anything about it because the first time my mother didn't push me to get help and get this jerk in trouble, I was scared and alone so I let myself believe that just sex was gonna give me the love i needed and craved.. It didn't, it never does. I was depressed and had no self esteem from the age 8 to 22. I finally started dating a really good guy and he showed me and made me see that I needed help. So I got help and he also helped by making me stare in the mirror everyday for 20min-an hour saying I was beautiful. It takes a lot of work and encouragement (from yourself and friends) to look at yourself and believe in yourself. Another thing that helps is pretend you are confident in yourself and walk confidently this helps cause you start to believe it.
So what I'm saying is basically your feelings for him are fake and you know it's just that you crave all that attention. When you start to love yourself and have that self esteem (even a little bit) a good guy that wants more will blow you away when you don't even expect it. And if that's not what you want and you just want a "sex buddy" then you will be confident enough in yourself to not get those fake feelings for him. There is a real thing as women just having sex without the strings. I've done it and never felt a thing for the guy just dont stay long cause then the guy will want more than what you are willing to give him. It goes full circle. You are gonna be ok! You are Beautiful and you have the world to offer to a great guy.. they are out there I promise! "Don't settle for less than anything" go by that saying and you will get what you deserve.. Oh and dont go jumping from guy to guy because you will get the worse guys and they will just dissappear and you will be wondering what is wrong with you in reality though Everything is right with you the question is What is wrong with the guy?? I hope this helps you. Best of luck you'll be in my prayers. Remember we aren't meant to be miserable!! -Jamie

you are a sad case. what the fuck do u expect...he's 31 ur 20. If he told u that it wasnt serious from the beginning then its ur own fault that u feel like this. And if he told u that he is still involved with the mother of his kid then that makes u a home wreaker. Find someone ur own age. What made u think that ur ready for an older man anyway??? ur a fuckin child urself pretty much. Stop using "low self esteem" as an excuse...its pathetic. Obviously ur just a little bit of fun for him on the side. What r u goin to do when he does find someone else who doesnt want anything serious??????? Build a fuckin bridge and get ova it. If u let a guy get in ur head then ur nothing but pitiful and weak.

i know its hard. especially since you have to see him at work. just be strong and enjoy life without him. someone WILL come your way. we all have to learn from the choices we make everyday. you can take all our advice into consideration, but at the end of the day youre the one with the choice of what you want to do. Just think about what you deserve to have and dont think about what you think is all youre ever gunna get. you can build your self esteem up by walking away and finding someone better and leaving that dick in the past.

Good luck!!

this has you getting hurt written all over it.
it doesnt look like he wants anything more than sex with you. which may hurt to hear since you are starting to have feelings for him. in my opinion stop having sex with him. you can continue talking to him. unless you know that you;ll just end up having sex with him.
anywayse stop having sex and if he still is trying to speak to you and spend time with you then maybe he there is a chance that he is starting to have feelings for you too.
it can get pretty messy since he has girlfriend.
so try and cool things down.

I had something very similar happen to me over the summer...I''m 18 and he was 26... But since I moved to college, found a super great guy(that's actually my age), my feelings towards the fwb went away. Get your groove on girl! let the world know that they should be jealous of you =) The little things do tend to make you think he wants more, but don't always fall for it. Boys will be boys afterall

I've never been in this situation, but I am your age and I know it's tough just getting out of the teen years. Things like "Its just sex" were totally okay because you weren't really thinking about long term. You wanted to have the moments of pleasure and go on your way. (At least that is what my friends wanted.) Anyway, the problem is, you did let your self become attached to him. He probably felt you getting attached and jumped ship for someone new. I can't honestly say this relationship spelled that it was going to be good. Actually... If I was your friend and you told me this was going on, I'd probably have smacked you in the back of the head. This isn't what you would call a relationship dear. It isn't anything but a way to demean your self further. You say low self esteem but I don't think that is the issue. It just sounds like you pick up jerks and expect them to change. I suggest you run (don't walk) away from this bullheaded idiot. Give youre self a bit of dignity and make it so you can look at your self in the morning when you wake up. Cause if I found my self in your position I don't think I'd be able to even look in the mirror.

Straightforward is one thing, quite a few of us were straightforward, bitchy and rude is another. You were just bitchy and rude. That is not at all a positive thing. It was beyond unnecessary and the fact that you felt the need or desire to do it doesn't say much for the type of person you are. Despite your judgmental and rude response, I still hope you never find out what it feels like to be in the poster's situation.

I wish the best to the poster as well. I hope you find what you're looking for from someone deserving.

I think you should cut ties with the guy. Seriously, he has a 3-year-old at home, and yet he's out sleeping around? And still has some sort of thing going with the kid's mother? Do you have any idea how much this kind of thing hurts a child? I strongly feel he is NOT someone you want to be getting feelings for. He sounds like an absolute scumbag, an irresponsible pig of a man who is USING YOU. Run away.
If you crave the affection and attention, find yourself a REAL man who will actually love you, and give you the relationship you deserve! This excuse of a man, for all you know, was giving you the attention so he could keep getting sex out of you. You deserve so much better than this.