Question
This guy and I have been going out for 6 months. I believed everything was perfect until out of nowhere I noticed he quit calling me as much as he used to. For instance we use to talk on the phone at least 3 times a day. All of a sudden it was once a day..sometimes none. I finally confronted him about it and all he said was he was upset and didn't call me because I didn't call him first. Immature right? So things got a little better but nothing really changed so I explained to him that it was really hurting my feelings and what's going on. Is there somebody else or what? He said no and its hard to explain. Most of the time all he does is smoke and hang out with his homeboys. Everyday! He then out of nowhere said he think we should break up and that he really loves me and cares about me and that the break up won't last long. Over a txt msg!! Anyways, days went by and we still talked everyday. We both decided that we are still into each other and don't want to be with or date other people and we're only having sex with each other. I feel like we're a couple but technically he hasn't asked me back out and it's been a month. I really like him a lot but is this a healthy relationship and should I hang on and see what happens or let go?
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I know you're happy to be with him and all, I truly understand from experience.
But no, its not healthy. This is just so wrong. Im not putting you down, ive been there too.
But it's wrong. If he cares about you, which it seems like he does, when faced with the decision, he will have to make it.
Then you will get your answer. But you NEED to confront him
And if you're really gutsy, ask him out.
oops I meant to submit anonymously. Oh well.
Stay with him. I had this experience & it lasted for a looong time. We were together, but he wasn't my boyfriend. We only had sex with each other and still told the other that we loved them. Eventually whenever he introduced me to anyone, I was introduced as his girlfriend, even though he hadn't asked me back out. This lasted for MONTHS. Finally one day he added me as his "in a relationship" on facebook. I called him and he just said, "well, did you add it?" & we have been together ever since.
Things like this will help you learn more about each other and not take the other for granted. I see it as taking a step early. It is the step that you get to skip when you get older because you have already gone through it with each other.
you remind me of the movie "he's just not that into you", you are the girlfriend that says you should stick around because in a freak accident it has actually worked out
to the question-
I have also been in the SAME situation. The guy obviously cares about you, but he DOESN'T want to be with you. He finds it hard to explain to you that his feelings of "in love" have gone, he's lingering because he doesn't know how to end things. I suggest you move on, believe me when i guy wants to be with you he won't act like that. It is possible he needs some time and space, give it to him- he may come back. But don't under any circumstances make yourself so easily available- he has to miss you to come back.
This same thing is happening to me right now.
My boyfriend broke up with me after a year in a long distant relationship about a week ago.
We still love each other, told each other we'd wait for each other and still do everything for each other. We plan to get back together again in the future too.
I'm going to stay with him and remain his best friend until the time comes. I really want to get back together with him, but he says he broke up with me so that I could be "free" and that long distant was too difficult.
I think you should stay with him. Maybe in the future, things will work out. (:
He didn't break up with you so that you could be free, he broke up with you so that he could be free. Don't be thick.
He broke up with you in a text message!! He is immature and obviously doesn't want to be committed. He is getting what he wants from you and probably doesn't need much more.. but what are YOU getting out of it? You need to finalize your relationship or get out of there because it is only going to lead to heartache later if you guys aren't clear about your relationship.
let go! he's not worth your time. anyone who breaks up with you over a text message, then only comes to you for sex is a complete loser. it is not healthy. you deserve better!
good luck :)
Been there done that. Let it go and take some time being single. Maybe things can work out somewhere down the line, but let him go for now.
from what you've put, it sounds like he may have felt like he was the only one trying in the relationship. Those three calls a day, he was making them? Why did you never call him? Maybe he thinks you didnt like him as much as he liked you and he thought to protect himself by creating a little emotional distance....
i agree completely with this post. it sounds as though he was feeling the relationship was one-sided and that his efforts were a little unapreciated. never a nice feeling. however still no excuse for leaving you guys in a bit of a no-mans land. have a chat and find out.
You can't tell from a post that he tried to hard or felt it was one sided. He is obviously a selfish guy, he is getting his "part" in the deal but she isn't getting what she wants, a relationship. The guy obviously doesn't care about her enough if he isn't there for her!
LOL!!!! i have been in this scenario
The first time i l et it linger, it took me 4 years to finally wake up and walk away from this guy who i was on and off with for that entire period, during which we would ''hang out'' and ''have sex'' but without being together half of the time.
AS long as you continue doing this, he will never ask you back. '' WHY BUY THE COW WHEN YOU CAN GET THE MILK FOR FREE??'' do you know what this saying means??? he is loving this scenario, he gets attention and sex whenever he needs to, no strings attached, no commitment, you are actually lowering your standards to fit into his life, I say run like hell. Save your pride and dignity and move on. If a guy wants to be with you, he will be with you. FULL PACKAGE, not crumbs of him every now and then.
MOVE ON.
It almost happened with me just a couple of weeks ago, my bf and I broke up, we'd been together for almost 7 months, and we started hanging out. I saw him a couple of times, had sex, and 3 days later i felt this will become like my first scenario of 4 years and i chose to wallk away.
I changed my number and cut off any contact with him and I have never felt so in control or strong in my life. YOU HAVE A CHOICE to avoid getting hurt eventually, because he will never want you back when you make yourself so available to him and give him what he wants.
Find a man who deserves you after you have gotten over this guy and take time to heal.
good luck.
Very well said, Rayane...especially the part, "I have never felt so in control or strong in my life"....Cheers!
this guys a fucking loser and hes using you for sex. its so obvious! dump his ass and find a real man. what is this kid 5?
i had the same sort of situation happen - we broke up (2yr relationship) i still loved him (vice versa) - he didnt want to give his mum even more bad news.. so we did have to pretend we were still going out - and that meant sleeping in the same bed. anyway the end of the story - back and happy as can be :)
can just say that calling 3 times a day is quite a lot, so i wouldnt take it too hard on him to the fact he might be cutting back for perhaps money/time reasons
on the other hand - breaking up over a txt (out of nowhere is a bit out of order) and i would think it would be nice if he spent a bit more time with you, instead of his mates all of the time.
on the other hand having sex out of a relationship hummm bit of a grey area im afraid - you still love him, but what are his motives - loves u or for love? :S i dont think i could give you much help there. thats for you to ecide
I know what it's like to be in that situation, I'm in it right now. The hardest part is that I don't love my ex-boyfriend anymore but I don't know why I still do it.
The other night he said he couldn't be my husband (this is after he promised me marriage, engagement and all) because 'we wouldn't work', which I think is a great way of saying, I want sex with you and nothing else. So clearly, I've got to get my act together and kick his ass.
The question is are you still getting sexual satisfaction out of it? Or is it all for his needs? Are you confusing what you have now with a romantic relationship? What do you expect to come of this and is it realistic?
There's a lot of tough questions to ask. Once you've thought them through, you'll be able to see how toxic your relationship is.
Hope this helps. :) Good luck dear.
I don't know your guy personally, so I can't tell if he's just being selfish or running away from commitment (sometimes guys feel like they're losing freedom and are being chained down to one girl). But anyway, I think you should be straight-forward about your feelings and break ups should be black and white. If you're broken up, you're not a couple - and shouldn't do couple things. Either force him to choose between being with you and being single, or realize he really is just having a hard time letting you go and is stringing both of you along - and end it.
maybe he wasnt being himself in the relationship at the start and this is the real him in his own skin. if you dont like it then dump him, if you can love him the way he is now then confront him.
i agree wid d ladies above....
u shud quit i too face some sort of same problem though i'v never been physical still i cant get over him,i wont completely understand wat u might go through after a break up,but dats the only wise way out of this..cut off the fucking ass-hole.
u deserve much better guy darling..
move on thats life.
dont giv in to his filthy acts