Question
My dad just got re-married. He's only known the woman for a little over a year, and dating her for only about 5 months. She broke up with her husband last August, or rather, he broke up with her. I suspect it was because of my dad.
I don't think she legitimately cheated on him, but she was definitely flirting, and a month later they were divorced. She moved in with my dad within weeks of their divorce, and brought her four kids with her for most of the time. They were engaged a little over a month later. She married my dad in early January.
My dad is convinced that she's his perfect match, but in reality they are complete opposites. Also, she plainly has OCD and spends more time cleaning our house than anything else. She is also very invasive and in my opinion inappropriate. She gets in between me and my dad every time we have an argument, and then tries to guilt trip me into admitting that I was wrong, even if I wasn't. She always sides with my dad, even though sometimes my dad acts like a child.
She also goes through my things; my private things; in MY drawers, and straightens them. I asked her to stop, but she tried to make me feel guilty for confronting her, and wouldn't listen when I told her she was bothering me.
I love my dad and I want to see him. He is very sensitive and easily hurt, and it hurts me to hurt him. But I hate his wife, and she won't leave me alone. How can I deal with this? I want to hang out with my dad like I always used to, but every time I try, she pops up with her kids and forces us to have "family fun time." what should I do?
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I would sit your dad down and try to talk to him. Explain to him how you really feel about all of this but in a way that is constructive. Do not talk negatively about his wife but rather speak about your issues with him.
I agree with the above comment. When my dad got remarried it was terrible because my stepmom was a monster but what I realized was that she really wasn't as bad as I thought she was. The problem was that I didn't know how to communicate with her and would often act like a brat. I sat my dad down and told him how I felt and he understood where I was coming from but the fact that I didn't lash out during that conversation made him see me as an adult rather than a bratty kid. I would definitely suggest you start with that. After I spoke with my dad I asked my stepmom to get coffee with me and I explained to her how I was feeling and asked her if we could work together to try to make things better because we both knew neither one of us was leaving...
This is a tough situation but I agree with the advice above. You need to address the issue rather than react to it. All you're doing by getting angry or acting out is causing you to look like the kid rather than a mature adult who deserves to be treated with respect. Set boundaries with her and ask your dad to set time aside for just the two of you. But also be open to spending time all together as a family because that way all sides win! Good luck and I promise it will get better xx
have u tried to talk to ur dad about hanging out just the two of u?? and just tell him the truth be honest but gentle. tell him how much u love him and how much u miss him and that u really want to spend time with him just him. and ask for a family meeting as in u ur dad and the stepmom ONLY!!!. and the three of u discuss whats going on and how u feel. if u let her win, its going to be really hard for u to see ur dad. and dont let her wrap her finger around him. and remember ur still ur daddys little girl ;) use that!
anyway i hope it helps and keep us (atleast me) posted.
btw i agree with all the advice above!!
I Hated my Dads WIfe, for simliar reasons and many others, she was an alcoholic as well =/
to get away from her I would go out with my dad and the dogs, coz I knew she hated coming out, and me and Dad could talk. but of course this wasnt a very good solution, and I only finally got away from her when Dad left her.
I know how you feel about hurting ur dad, and it probably will upset him, but u need to tell him you dont want her going through ur things and that you want to spend time with him with out her. see what he says. good luck =]
My mum and her new boyfriend are having a baby, and plan on getting married sometime in the future. Although I don't mind him most of the time, I do have disagreements with him, and, like your stepmom, he tries to force himself during arguments.
I no longer fight with my mum, we barely talk. I e-mail/text her if I need to tell her something, and she does the same back. We live in opposite sides of the house (it's a huge house, my extended family lives in it) and only see each other maybe once a day.
Sure, her bf wasn't the only reason I moved as far as I legally could (I'm still 15, waiting for that second I turn 18 to walk out the front door and never look back), but he played a big role, especially since he now influences her every move.
I say, if you really care about your dad, talk to him. Personally I wouldn't do that, but that's because I don't get along with my family.