I was in a very similar situation and I went to a therapist for a long time to help me. But what I finally had to do was release that pain and realize how lucky I am to have such an amazing husband. Once I was able to view sex in a positive light -- being something special between me and the man I love -- it helped me disassociate the negative attached to it. It takes some time but I promise you it gets better and once it does -- it really is such an incredible and freeing feeling!

Work your way into it.. It may take awhile. I'm guessing he knows about the abuse issues.. explain to him what is that does feel good even if it's just him tracing his fingers over your skin. Obviously he loves you since your married and still haven't slept together. Kudos to him. But I believe he'll work with you on it. Don't rush because you probably still wont enjoy it.

Your pain is all to real. I was raised in an extremely abusive household. My mother was the primary abuser, my father the alcoholic sexual abuser. I was seriously messed up as I entered my adult years. What helped me was a 12 step co-dependency program. I helps you to learn that it wasn't your fault. It helps you to forgive, not forget, but prepares you to move on. One thing I would say to you is number one, be honest with your husband. He loves you and he will understand and hopefully be patient. number two... learn to love yourself. this may be the most important thing in your whole life. number three, face the feelings! don't bottle them up and hide them. face them dead on.. feel them, they are yours. no one has the right to take them from you. As you face them, begin to understand how they make you feel.. this is a slow process, don't rush it. but little by little, learn to take control ... right now, those feelings are controlling you. you don't want to be a slave to them, right? so, face, feel, deal. ask yourself, "do I really need to hold on to this?" is it healthy? does it make me feel good? is it causing others pain? and why am I letting this hurt me and control me now? eventually, the pain will become less and less, and as you become free from the feelings, be they guilt, shame, etc, you will learn to put these awful things to the side and separate from them, like the old baggage that they are. Please understand that they never go away... but, like anything else, they fade with time once you learn to take control of your life. Good luck to you. if I can help further... leave me a message here and I will contact you personally.

First of all... Talk to him about it and maybe a therapist too. It's not your fault AT ALL so don't feel guilty! Hopefully, he'll be understanding and willing to help you through this. Also, remember your husband LOVES you and he is trying to show that not hurt you. But ultimately this is more than just you and your husband. You HAVE to confront your past and therapist. There is nothing wrong with that either. It doesn't make you weird or a freak, just broken and it's time you get fixed up! :o) You're strong. I believe in you! Good luck!!!

I really think you should see someone about this. Having an experience like this can alter the way you think. Sex should be a wondeful experience between you and your husband and you gotta do whatever it takes to experience it cause you definitely don't want to be missing out on it!

You definitely need counseling. Please get yourself a good therapist and work through these issues. Ask your doctor to recommend a good therapist.

Part of what you can do is try to have an 'out of the box' moment. It may be hard but you have to realize that your hubby wasn't the one who harmed you. He doesn't see you as disgusting or dirty, or else he wouldn't be your hubby, yeah? Seeing a shrink can help you learn to face your fears and learn to over come them, but definitely go WITH your hubby. This is something the two of you can face and battle together and it'll help your relationship become stronger than it already is. Sounds like your hubby is a good guy and I'm sure he wants to help you get thru this.

I was gang-raped and abused myself about nine years ago and I have severe issues with that every now. There are just some things that I can't allow and I don't like to cuddle too long or anything like that. But with my mate, I was upfront with him and told him what happened, even though it was hard. I let him know that there are a lot of things I'm not okay with but I was willing to try because I know he's not the ones who hurt me and I can't force those fears on him. What's hard to understand, but what you gotta, is that your projecting your fears onto him subconsciously. In the back of your mind, you think he's going to harm you, when you know that he wouldn't. You gotta trust your heart and you gotta trust him. Take it one step at a time. Don't rush anything, but remember that your hubby is there for you to support and love him. Lean on him and you'll both pull through. Even though it will take some time. It's taking me nine years and I'm still working on it day by day. I know you can do it

Therapy is really the only way to get over something like that. It took me years to go from being molested by a step-brother to having the ability to form healthy romantic connections, some sexual. The biggest thing is to realize that what happened was not your fault in any way, shape or form. I blamed myself for years after what happened thinking of how many times I could have stopped it when, in reality, it could have done noting but made things worst. The fact that you've allowed yourself to give away your heart to a man is a HUGE step; congratulations on that. Honesty, time and help are the best things for you. I understand that it has been 9 years, but sometimes you have to push yourself for the better even if it hurts like hell. I wish you all the best.