Question
I am dating this guy and we are getting closer and closer. He says that I am the one he wants. Yet, this girl he knows keeps on asking him to move in with her. I trust him, but not her at all. He told her no once cause of what I thought about it. Then she recently asked him again, and now he is considering it. He also wants to talk about it. I have never met this girl cause he just became close friends with her, and I live out of state. Please help.
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My boyfriend lives with his ex wife. They have a child together. Wich I understand there will always be a bond. My ex husband and I have a bond because of our daughter. But he and I do not live together. I cannot fathom lving with my ex. We got divorced for a reason. We could not live together. None the less. I do not like the fact that he lives with his ex or any girl for that matter. We have had several fights over this. We do not see eye to eye on this at all. I feel like she sees him more than I do. He thinks its ok to tell other women that he loves them. Then he tells me he loves me. But he says it is not the same kind of love. I do not undertand this. I just do not think its right at all. If he needs a roomate then he should consider a man. Women are very threatened by other women.
Get out while you can honey, it doesn't get better.
yikes, sounds like a real mess!!! i'd be gone!!!
He wants to have his cake and eat it too, and you are letting him. This man is laughing at you behind your back and he is most likely telling his "ex wife" that he loves her and is trying to put the relationship back together. Doesn't it bother you that he is probably thinking you are desperate and blind to what he is really all about? We women tend to see these situations with men through our own female point of view, however we need to learn that men see things completely different than we do. They learn at a young age how to manipulate our emotions and then tell us what we want to hear. They think it's a joke and just part of the battle of the sexes. But you don't have to just accept this kind of relationship. When you accept stupid excuses that only a moron would accept, you are disrespecting yourself and you are teaching your child how to live the same way. If this guy feels he needs to live with his ex wife because of their child, because of finances, or whatever the reason may be, both of you should understand that he is making the decision to stay in that relationship. By having anything to do with a screwy situation like this, you are allowing him to use you. It will hurt like hell to cut him off but you need to do so. Just picture him lying and cheating and laughing at you for being so gullible and that will help banish the pain!
Make sure he knows how uncomfortable you are with him living with her, and that you would be so much happy if he didnt. However be careful not to come across as if you telling him he can't see her at all. if there friends they will see each other anyway, but if he likes/loves you he'll respect the fact your no comfortable with it and hopefully tell her no
I suggest you meet her. See what shes like. Try and find out if she has a boyfriend maybe. If you realize that you don't like her, then talk to your boyfriend. Tell him how you feel about the situation. Maybe offer to either move in with him or have him move in with you? Unless its too soon in the relationship. Good Luck!
No way unless she is 100% gay in which case it isnt a bad idea!
I definitely agree with Brandy. Go talk to her, just get to know her (if he ends up moving in with her, this also has the effect that she will hopefully feel too guilty to go after him because she is friends with you) but in the end, unless she is a widow with kids who is sworn to celibacy, or gay, if you feel that way about him having a female roommate, you'll never be comfortable with it.
Just talk to him. Ask him why he's so interested in moving in with her, and explain to him that you trust him, but that you're still not okay with him living with someone else.
i would be worried if i were you to be quiet honest. He hasnt even introduced you to a girl he potentially intends to be living with. he's making little attempt to make you more comfortable with the concept of the move. The fact that he's recently become very close with another female would have me very unnerved in your situation.
I would talk to him about and then make the effort to meet her, even if that means you have to go out there for the weekend.
She may be looking to him to be a roommate because she doesn't feel safe where she lives, she needs the extra money for the rent and he is the only one she trusts.
You can't just think of it as she is trying to get your man because like you said you haven't met her and you don't know her side of why she wants him to move in.
If I was single and living in a area I didn't feel safe I would ask my male friend to move in with him so I have that security.
If you start assuming then you will start to worry and you really don't need that until you have all the information. Your heart will tell you if you can trust her or not.
Meet her first and understand their relationship. I plan on moving in with my best friend, who is a guy, but I would NEVER date him or consider doing anything sexual with him. Yuck!
Me and my boyfriend have talked about this a lot together, since we are possibly looking for roommates. We've discussed what type of people we would consider for roommates, and I told him that I trust him, but not other girls. The only way we would have girl roommates is if I knew them and trusted them completely. Now, there would be no way if I wasn't even in the same state that he would have a girl roommate. Even if you guys are totally loyal and faithful to each other, why would he want to be in a position to be tempted? We are not saints, and if we are around temptation long enough, we will get tempted. Maybe he's not thinking about it like that? So I would bring up that point. How would he feel if you were considering moving in with a guy he didn't know? Even if nothing happens, if you guys are apart and know the other is living with the opposite sex you will start getting doubts and suspicions.
You should definitely talk to him very seriously about this and about the complications it could bring up. And if all else, tell him you'd like to meet her. Even if they don't move in together, you would still like to meet her, that it would help you. With my guy I try and have him meet every one of my guy friends just so that they can form a bond and he will be able to know that there is nothing going on.
Good luck with everything, and I hope it works out.
I just had to put my 2 cents in. When I met my ex of 5 years he lived with 2 chicks. One of which was his "best friend". At first it was great! She was super cool and nice and we all got along but the more serious he and I got the more weird she got and eventually he was ditching me and declaring that they had to have a "his and her" night once a week to which I was NOT invited. Turns out, everyone else who wanted to come along was invited but just not me. As the 5 years went on he eventually moved out and we eventually moved in together but he continued to put her before me. He actually used to tell me that if he had to choose between me and her, he'd choose her. That's the short of the story. My man living with another chick doesn't really matter to me until things start getting weird. And I think as women our guts are usually pretty accurate. Just make sure you give him your opinion if you aren't comfortable with it and don't try to tell him he can't. If he respects you and your feelings and you aren't comfortable with it, he should respect that.
Oh and the previous post before this, she's right, chicks are b*tches. haha I don't trust them and guys are completely oblivious to it. My ex thought his chick bff was an angel descended from the heavens but I saw what she was really like, you know the kind, only nice to the guys but would turn around and stab her chick buddies in the back at a moments notice.
Anyway, good luck with that. :)
i agree w/ the above post...a lot chicks are b*tches who can't be trusted & usually, guys are completely oblivious to it.
if it were me, i would not be comfortable with the situation since it's a girl she hasn't met. the situation seems suspicious & i bet the chick wants her man.
It amazes me how many women accept bad treatment and sit around trying to analyze why the dirt bag does what he does, looking for reasons and excuses as to why he does them. Don't you all get it? You have to have a line that you won't allow anyone to cross - no excuses. Decide how you MUST be treated and NEVER EVER accept excuses. There are lots of guys out there and you can pick and choose. You don't have to settle for less! Your strength of character will be obvious and you will stop attracting guys who will not respect and honor you!