Question
So ladies, does the past of your boyfriend matter to you, or do you just turn a blind eye to it? Because I am in a bit of a situation; my boyfriend has a terrible past (he grew up in South Africa), and his past is just ... reeally horrible. But he's changed completely and he's a completely different man. I just don't know if I can forget his past...but I guess in order to share a future with him, I must forget his past? I am so clueless. I really do love him and he's completely crazy about me. I was on the verge of breaking up with him when he told me, and he just had a break down and was really afraid that I was going to end it with him. We're better now, I said I'm fine with it.. But I guess knowing about his past bugs me a bit...I don't know, he asked me if we're ever going to be the same again, and I said that I had no idea... I would really appreciate your help and advice :)
Thank you sooo much. x
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Of course it would matter to me. Oh, I do believe people can change, but wouldn't it be nice to know about the skeletons in his closet, so that you could, at least, be on your toes about him? That way, if he does something to you, like cheats on you, you can't be oblivious to the whole thing. He did it once before, what makes you any different to where he wouldn't do it to you? And who knows, he probably wouldn't cheat on you if he really has changed... but at least you knew. Or say he was addicted to drugs. If you knew about that and he started doing them again, at least you wouldn't be all that surprised.
Give the man the benefit of a doubt. However, it is nice to know about these things just in case...
He obviously cares about you if he broke down. It may be he wanted to tell you so he didn't have that secret weighing down, waiting for you to find out, cause you probably would have found out, eventually. Take some time. Don't rush into the decision. Either you'll be able to let it go or you won't.
Depending on what it was would really determine if I could let it go. I'd probably talk to him about it again if it still bugs you. Get it all in the open and then let it go. I wish you best of luck and happiness in whatever you decide. :)
-S
Well his past is a part of him, but you have to take in where he was living. Different places call for you to act certain ways to get along the best you can. Obviously in order to have a future with him you have to get over his past, and see him as the man you fell in love with, and have faith that that is how he will remain. If he hasn't shown you anything different than the man he is now, and the man you fell in love with, then you shouldn't worry too much. But getting over the past is something hard to do, and takes time. Just talk to him about it, ask questions that you have, and share your own past to be open with each other. If you can't get over it, then there probably isn't a good future for you two. I wish you all the best.
I wouldn't say you should forget his past, but find a way to accept that it happened. If he has changed, like you mentioned, and you don't see any of the same behaviors or actions being done then things should be okay, right? Did he learn from those experiences? Don't dwell on his past because I'm sure he probably doesn't dwell on things in your past that he may not approve of.
Thank you guys so much!
No, he has never been a cheater. But he's done drugs, and, lets just put it this way, he just moved to Australia last year from South Africa, and in that country, they "grew up too fast", if you get what I mean... :/
If he hadn't told me, I had no way of finding out.
He actually used to deal drugs but because I had asked him to stop, he has. Even his mother (he shares a very close relationship with his mother) couldn't get him to stop, and he stopped when I asked him.
And to be honest, I haven't actually seen him do anything wrong since I've known him.
He means a lot to me, and he was afraid to tell me because he didn't want to spoil what we have, and after he did, he was really scared that I was going to break up with him...
And he always says that he wishes he could undo everything in his past
I really am in love with him, but when I told my friends they asked me if I was scared of him, because of what he has done. And really, I am not. Because he's changed. I hope it lasts at least..
Thank you so much everyone! All your advice really helped!! <3
Well, he stopped for you, when he wouldn't for his mother, this is very good. It shows how much he cares for you. He knows his mother wasn't going anywhere if he didn't stop...but he knew he might lose you. If you say you haven't seen him do anything bad, then he probably is changed. If anything this should give you guys more of a reason to enjoy the "now" in your lives. You said he "grew up too fast" while I have a feeling I know what you're implying, that probably also means he's missed out on some childhood things. You guys have a great opportunity to have fun with your relationship. It's a blast doing silly things with the one you love, and it helps make good memories. I'm sure he really appreciates how much you've helped him and love him. I hope your relationship goes well, and you guys can move past the past, and embrace the present and future. :] Good luck.
Thank you, Shelley. :-)
Best advice I've heard!
I reeeally appreciate your help! :-) :-)
Not a problem, I just really enjoy seeing good relationships and helping people. I hope everything goes well.
:)
That is really kind of you.
I hope the best for you too. :)
Yeah it matters, but people change. I know that from a first hand experience.
Only one . . turns out after three years he was the same recently got back together. :3