Question
I have been with my man for almost four years. We have two glorious children. My problem is that he has anger issues. He constantly belittles and tries to control me all the time. This didn't brother me. For over a year now he has gotten physical with me. He doesn't call it abuse cause he leaves no bruises. He violently pulls my hair and makes me move where he wants me to. He slaps me and chokes me for mere seconds. We were supposed to get married. I told him to get help or me and the kids are leaving. He got mad told me his problems are all cause of me etc etc...now he's acting sweet and trying to kiss me, call me babe etc etc...I wanna leave him cause I know this isn't right but I love him with everything I have. What do I do?
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You deserve someone who will treat you like a princess. A real man would know better.
It's never good when a man tries to control you. I've been in this sort of situation before as well, though I left before mine got to physical. You are your own person, and no one should try to control you or the decisions you make. Inside of yourself, you will find the strength to leave him. Inside you know you don't deserve this, you are a princess. You deserve to be treated like one. This man, if thats what you call people like him, is not treating you like a princess. How long before his violence escalates to his children? Wife-beater and child-abuser? I think not. Let's stop this before it gets any further. Good luck sweetie, and I know you'll make the right decision!
Having been there - the first step is to train yourself to dislike him. It's important because it will make it easier for you to leave. This is a cycle - after the anger comes apologies and showers of love. But trust me, it will happen again and again unless either he gets counseling or you and the kids get out. His anger issues will only get worse over time and possibly might involve the children at some future point. Enlist the help of friends and family and let them know of your plans - NEVER do this without others knowing what's going on. Is there a friend or family member that will take you in until you find another place to live? I know leaving isn't easy, it took me over a year, and afterwards I was so empowered and was much more careful in choosing a mate. Please above all do not let your love for him blind you. You have to set that love aside and know that leving him is the very best thing for you and your children. I send prayers to you sweetie and I hope you get yourself out of this horrible situation. At some point you will realize, as I did, that it wasn't really love. Trust me on that one. There ARE really great men out there! Don't believe him when he says that no one will love you like he does - in reality that would be a good thing, right? His belitting of you is just to break your spirit - don't let that happen!! Mine did that and said no one would ever want me. Now I have the best hubby ever - so please do whatever you have to for your family's safety.
Awesome advice!!!
Run as fast as you can!! If you don´t, he´s going to break you down mentally and physically.You´re going to lose yourself and everything that you have. You don´t deserve this, and even though you have feelings for him now, once you get the time and distance from him, it will strike you, and you´ll get the insight that this man was very dangerous for you and you´ll wish that you´d left earlier instead of putting yourself through this needless pain and suffering. Love, value and respect yourself enough to say no to this! Take action and be responsible for your own (and your kids) life and happiness. Don´t be fooled and don´t fall for the "love and tenderness" that he is showing you in between his jerky behaviour, because that´s worthless, empty and manipulating. You deserve something better! And you will find it eventually, believe me. You have all my support on this. xxx
You should only marry someone who loves you & if he truly loves you, why would he hurt you???!!! How sad that your children have to witness this abuse & live in such a tense atmosphere. I hope they don't grow up thinking this is a normal way to live.
I would say "if all of your problems are because of me, I will do you a favor & leave" & when I said it, I would MEAN IT!!!
The abuse was verbal before & now it has escalated to physical abuse which makes me think that it will probably continue to get worse. Do you honestly want to live like that??? Are you honestly happy???
My dad used to be abusive to my mom. Because of this, I spent much of my childhood nervous, scared & miserable. It's your choice, as an adult, to stay but I feel sorry for the kids.
He's trying to be sweet now & pretending to be remorseful only because you threatened to leave. If you stay, it will only be a matter of time before he's back to his abusive behavior. I guarantee it. Then next time, he'll know not to take your threats to leave seriously.
I hope you can work up enough courage to leave him & live a happy healthy life with your kids!!!
Try everything you can to get him to take anger management classes. It'll probably take a lot of gentle convincing and coaxing. But if you really love him don't just walk away.