Question
Is sex a tool? So, I've been seeing this guy for a while, and seemingly out of no where he becomes terrible with communication (doesn't call me back, text etc.) I've confronted him about it and we've come to realize we have a few issues to work out. Though we've clear some of the miscommunication up, I decided that if we were on the verge of breaking up amongst the issues, I didn't want to have sex with him anymore, or in the very least that night. He became upset because he doesn't like girls using sex as a tool, or a way to get back at someone.
Obviously we had a another miscommunication as to why I didn't want to have sex that night, and tried my best to explain it.
My question is, was I using sex as a tool, even if I didn't have an intention to? And does it even matter? If I don't want to have sex with the guy for whatever the reason, shouldn't he respect my decision even if he doesn't like it?
;){kind=link}
If you weren't actively trying to manipulate him, no, you weren't. I think lots of guys think that all women are more manipulative than they actually are (everyone is a little manipulative) because there are a few women out there who do use sex as a carrot. He's misreading your intentions because society tells him that the only reason you'd withhold sex is to hurt him.
I can understand not wanting to have sex with someone you are angry with. My libido has not recovered from my time on the pill, so I know how guys can be when you don't want to have sex. Just explain it to him. Hopefully he'll understand. Mine did.
if you dont want sex you dont want sex end of, and he should respect that. unless you were with holding sex to get something out of him or to punish him, you should stand by what your decision!
If you weren't having sex in order to get your way then that's using it as a tool. But it my opinion, if you say no sex because you think you two are on the verge of breaking up then that's the right thing to do. It lets him know you actually wont use it as a tool to stay together and it tells him there wont be a friends with benefits thing going on if you two were to break up. Hope that makes sense to you. And he could just be guilt tripping you into having sex so he gets sex before the final break up. Either way, you're doing the right thing by standing up for yourself and the issues between the two of you. Good Luck!
i completely understand that u may not feel like it esp when u have had a fight.........but guys dnt seem to understand..even my guy starts balckmailing me emotionally into doin it coz he wants pleasure!! but its important to be firm. the guy needs to respect ur feelings too!
I don't think you were. I think he's trying to manipulate you into having sex with him because of his own selfishness.....
All men will say this. They think taking away sex is a big punishment. They're idiots. They don't get how emotionally difficult it is for women to have sex with a guy they are having issues with.
I agree. There are emotional connections that we have that most men don't. It's just how we're built I think. More often than not, a guy won't be feeling that same depth of emotions we are about sex. For him, it could just be a stress buster in the midst of a stressful situation (the miscommunication or the impending breakup)...although people are way manipulative and he could just be trying to come out on top if the relationship does end. Idk, judgement call there. What does his character suggest?