Question
Have any of you ladies had your boyfriend and your best friend getting close together? Well, my boyfriend and my best friend have recently been planning birthday things for me, and because of that, they've gotten a little bit close. My boyfriend has always been the touchy guy to me, but it was only me, but recently, he's always being really touchy with my best friend as well. :\
As in touching her waist, shoulder, and sometimes playing with her hair. And when he grabs her arm or shoulder or anything, he holds on for a long time. I even saw them once holding eachother's hand, but my best friend said that she was just seeing how "rough his hands are" (I had mentioned that he has really rough hands)
I don't want to be paranoid or anything, because I know that my boyfriend loves me and would never ever ever hurt me, in fact, he's more afraid of getting hurt by me because of my history.
And he isn't a player.
I have always hated it when girls think something is up when their boyfriend and best friend get close, but I guess I didn't know how it felt like.
And now I do, and I must say, it does bug me that he does all that to her.
But on the other hand, when we're all sitting together, he's usually all over me, even though we're talking with her as well. But when we're walking around or anything, and he's talking to her, he touches her a lot...
Is he just being friendly, or too friendly? :\
I guess if he thought that what they were doing was wrong, they wouldn't have done it in front of me, right? Or am I being paranoid? :/
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I think you should talk to him. Tell him that it is buggin you. Maybe he just doesnt know that its bothering you when he does that, but he might stop after you talk to him.
Whoa your boyfriend really seems to be crossing the line over here, girl. And yes, I agree with the comment above. Tell him, dear. It's really important to be honest in a relationship. My boyfriend used to be really touchy and flirty with this friend of his (whom everyone claimed to look a lot like me -.-) But anyway, he was really close to her, and it bugged me for MONTHS! But I just kept quiet so as to avoid an argument. But soon I realised that the jealousy didn't fade away. In fact, it got stronger everytime he mentioned her name. Plus, seeing their pictures together on facebook really ticked me off. She's actually a really nice girl, y'know. But my jealousy got the better of me & it made me hate everything about her. I don't want the same thing to happen to you because it's your best friend we're talking about here. She's an important person in your life. At least for my case, I wasn't even close to that girl, so disliking her meant nothing to me. Talk to your boyfriend about how you really feel. If he's sensible enough, he will stop all this touchy-ness with her (plus it feels a whole lot better getting everything off your chest). All the best!
I'm in the same EXACT situation, and I'm really hating it. I've had someone talk to him, since I'm a total wuss and don't address problems like I should, and he lets up for like a day, but my best friend is definitely doing nothing to help my cause. Always wanting him to sit next to her, and he sits in her lap and puts her arm around her. I feel like a hypocrite, because I've been caught between two guys, including him, but I never, say, sat on this guy's lap or put my arm around him or...Anything that he does with her. In the past two weeks she's gotten more action than I have in our entire 5 month relationship. I don't want to break up with him, because I like him, but everyone I know thinks I should dump him. On the bright side, though, now I address my best friend as "Skanky Whore" and it's totally fine. I just don't know what to tell you :/
Wow, darling, I think you need to talk to him.
If he cares enough for you, I think he has to stop. If he doesn't, then dump him.
If he loves you, he wouldn't want to hurt you & this IS hurting you.. :/
& thank you girls, I really appreciate everything you've said. :)
Me and my other best friend are planning to watch how they are for one more day, and if they cross the line, I think I will talk to him. :)
But thank you for everything. :)
Talk it out first. If he doesn't know it bothers you then he'll keep doing it.
But I have heard, and I wish I could state the source, but regretably I can't, that boyfriends are likely to fall for their girlfriends best friends largely because they go to them for essentially the reason you listed as well as others. They understand we tell our best friends a lot of stuff and so they have good information. But, it also can open a can of worms.
So, at the moment I'd say just talk it out. Try not to sound like the jealous girlfriend. Just let him know that it bugs you and explain why, based on his behaviour that you noticed. I hope everything works out.
One thing about us girls and them guys is WE get jelouse REALLY easy.
But sometimes its for the better to define limitations and expectations on how uncomfortable we can get. Your best friend should know that even innocent flirting- (And yes from what you described- that is flirting) leads to tiny forbidden crushes on the back burner.
You need to be upfront with your best friend first...she knows you more than your boyfriend does, even though you might not think its true. And she is the root of the problem anyway...you need to explain to her how it makes you feel by how she acts and how it is ruining your trust and friendship with her.
How you explain it defines your bond- don't lash out angrily and blame her...calm and collectivley explain from your point of view of the situation and compromise a deal to work it out. A friendship with a girl pal is important in life because she is the one you have gone to for your troubles.
Wait and observe. Watch your boyfriend with your best friend-is she still iniating the flirtatious banter or is he? Now that she knows your feelings, she will avoid physical contact and be less "playful". But if she isn't...don't ignore it. Don't loose your cool, but maybe its time for a new friend who will respect you.
Now if its your boyfriend who is doing all the iniation, then you need to confront him. CALMLY explain to him about the situation...and how it makes you feel. Normally, a guy will give an excuse like "we were just playing" ..or whatever...But honestly, he needs to mature more to gain trust...and by means He needs to prove to you that you are his one and only. If he respects you, he will back off of your best friend.
Observe after this all, and if they can't respect you to do some improvement...then obviously...they aren't true. So just remain calm, or you can ruin your relationship and friendship all at once. Good luck...
Thank youuuuu :) :) :)
Yeah that's pretty much what I did.
Well, all this week, they haven't talked much, but nevertheless, I confronted my boyfriend, and he said he didn't realize he was flirting, and then he said he won't talk to her again, at all. I told him he can *talk* but not *flirt* but he said that he'll just stop talking with her.
He's so sweet. :)
So it's pretty much over, but thank you girls for your help. :) <3
No matter what you do just never let a guy come inbetween you and your best friends...guys come and go but your girls will always be there:)...i was in this situation before..but i was on the other side i was the best friend with the boyfriend..and i did stupid things im not happy about to my best friend..we let a guy get the best of us...and hes not around at all anymore...