It’s over… he came over today to help me work on my house… I asked him if he was still attracted to me… he said yes and no… I actually don’t even remember what else we said… we watched a movie… we cried… we talked… we hugged… he left… I cried some more… I called him… we talked… we cried… I apologized… he apologized.. now I’m going to go sit and stare at the wall and cry some more… somehow I’ll get up in the morning and go to work… I’ll cry some more, I’m sure… he’s going fishing… he said he’d call me… I’m so angry I could spit… I miss him so much my heart is breaking… I’m so pissed at myself for putting myself in this situation… I should have known better… Why did this have to happen? Why couldn’t I have the love I’ve always wanted? Life is so not fair… it really sucks… When is it going to be my turn? I’m 45 years old… and only getting older. Nobody wants an old lady… last time I was in love it took over 10 years to figure out how to get over it. That means I’ll be 55… and still alone… he doesn’t want me… I can’t be what he wants…