Question
I'd like to know some good ways to make a long-distance relationship work. I am currently dating the sweetest boy I have ever known. We've been close friends for almost seven years now, and started dating this last summer. I was in love with him long before that, and, with the aid of a little alcohol, he figured out that he felt the same way about me.
Because we were such good friends for so long, we sort of became perfect for each other. He's my first really serious boyfriend, and I'm the first girlfriend that he has not resented in some way. We're not willing to give up something that has come to be so important to us.
Unfortunately, I need to leave my town. I can't stand living here anymore, and I want to go to a better school. I plan on being out of town next fall semester, so I still have over six months to prepare. He is currently finishing his associate's degree on a government grant, and so will have to remain in town for another year after I leave. He's told me that, if we are still together once that year is up, he will move with me, and we'll get an apartment in the city. We're both very serious about this relationship, and I would hate to see it fail not because of incompatibility, but because of distance.
We've agreed to have at least one good phone conversation a week, to text all the time, and I plan on sending him letters/packages/whatever. I'm also currently writing him a journal that he can read if he ever feels I'm not close enough. But I'm concerned about my going to a new place, where I don't know anyone (especially a bigger city), and I really don't know the fundamentals of making the relationship work, while also keeping other men or women at bay. I am so in love with my boyfriend, and I wouldn't ever want to hurt him, and it would break my heart if he broke it off with me. I've never felt this desperate to keep a relationship, but I think if I ever get married, it will be to this guy.
So, how can I make this work? Are there any tricks? What should I look out for? And lastly, how should I make this most comfortable for the both of us?
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I think what you're doing so far is great. The only thing I can say is that don't panic if he doesn't answer the phone right away. You know, don't fly off the deep end and assume the worst. If you guys love each other as much as you say, then you guys will make it. True love always do!
talking every night is going help big time. Just dont lose interest in each other and it will work..i can work. it really can but you both have to be prepared for it it seems like you both have a lot of trust between you so it should work. its hard it really is. but you guys will be fine dont let anyone sway your emotions for each other..people will tell you it cant work and all that . you and hime can't let those type of comments get to you especailly if in a yera you guys might be living together. Don't let anyoes judgement get in the way of either one of your guys emotions,call each other,and even randomly text if u want.keep in touch alot and u guys should be fine =D
In my experience it's very, very hard to make a LDR work. I can't give you any tips since mine just ended a few days ago. I couldn't handle the distance anymore. The thing is when we were together (no distance) we had no fights, but after spending so much time apart all we ever did was fight. Better luck to you though =)
Trust, trust is HUGE!! You have to be ok with him spending time with other people, and that will often include girls, just like you will probably be spending time with other guys. Neither of you should be come hermits just to help the other person trust you. Something that also helps a lot, more then phone calls, is getting a webcam. Being able to see the other person, instead of just hearing their voice can make you feel so much closer. Provided you have internet or computer access of course.
The best guy I've ever known, lives at the other side of the planet right now. You just need a skype account, a lot of trust on eachother, interest from both sides and the chances it fails will be extremely low.
But overall, trust is the key, long distances relationships force us to trust blindly, the other person can do many things we wont find out, we can do as well, but you have built a great relationship so far, you just have to keep it this way otherwise you'll go crazy if any suspicion.
On the other hand there are also positive outcomes, you get to improve your verbal communication without the need of visual contact or so. and if you make it through this, well there's always a prize for a tough challenge ;)
good luck with that!
Well like the other two said above, keep talking to each other, let him know you care for him and love him. Don't panic if he doesn't pick up the phone or don't assume that he's with another girl if he goes out to the movies or a party. I'm in an LDR right now, and we speak to each other atleast once or twice a week because we are both busy with school and work, but we've known each other for 6 years going on 7 in April. So most important thing is to let him know you love him no matter how far you are from each other.
I've been in a long distance relationship for over a year now. It's the first relationship i've ever been in, like you said, where i didn't resent the other person. i can't imagine being with anyone else but her. Yes, her. :] Never been with a girl before either. Her and I really go out of our ways to keep in contact, every second i'm at home I'm trying to talk to her on msn. We met for the first time in August, and i'm going again in two weeks.
Really all you can do is stay in contact, and trust one another. It's not easy, because you'll feel lonely, and feel jealous at times when you shouldn't be, and it just takes a lot. I'm moving there next month, because she means the world to me and i know it'll help make everything work :] As cliche as it sounds, follow your heart, and if you love each other as much as you say you do... you shouldn't have a problem. Just remember that contact is key... as is the occasional visit to remind both of you that everything is real.
I have to say, I'm in a ldr right now and it's hard, but I'm still as happy as can be and things are wonderful, we talk every night before bed text all the time i send him love letters all the time, we send nude pictures to each other all the time and for christmas i bought us both web cams, which I know will help alot cause we can see eachother while we talk wich will be soooooo nice! What you should keep in mind is that absence makes the heart grow fonder. my boyfriend is 2 states away from me, I do have a very flexible job that allows me to go see him frequently, but I still miss him all the time, but I still find my self to be so happy with him that I can burst!!! We constantly remind each other all the time that we love each other and he sends me pictures of him and his son and the things that they do threw out the day which helps me alot. I know they say that ldr's never work, but really i think that it just depends on the people in them, if it's ment to be love will find away! I'm been away from my boyfriend for 4 months now and have another 4 more months to go before i can move back to him. But I have no fears and no worries and I'm perfectly happy and in love and i know for certain that he is too. as long as you guys keep your confidence up you should be good!
oh yeah and the last thing you want to do is get jealous, and if he ever gets jealous, don't get mad at him talk him down off his high by reminding him how much he means to you, he will really appreciate it! my bf had that problem in the begining cause i was moving back to my home town which is small and i have alot of guy friends, and he always felt so good about us after i'd remind him how much i love him and how he's the only one i want and we actually have plans to get married
Hey, OP here. Thanks a lot for the advice. It's really helpful, and I plan on putting it all to work.
I don't jealousy will be too much of a problem, because we're both pretty open people, and neither of us have ever wanted to cheat. As he said "I didn't have sex for fifteen years. I can do without for another."
But we decided that we will invest in skype (even if he just wants to use it for a strip tease), and have been preparing ourselves for spending time apart. I just wonder how hard it's going to be. I miss him, even being away from him for two days.
Again, thanks.
SKYPE! and webcams!!!
invest in the cameras... skype is free
The reason talking on webcams is so great is because you can see facial expressions and hear inflections in speaking rather than just talking on the phone or typing to each other. My bf and I met online and got to know each other for a year before recently meeting and it will be another 6 months before we can be together again. I really wondered if we could do it but the week after our trip we talk on skype as we always did and thou i miss him terribly i am thankful for skype and the cams that we can laugh together and flirt and be intimate even thou were are soooo very far apart.
A similar thing happened to me!
except im only 16... and i met him on the internet 6 years ago... and it wasn't until 5 months ago that we started going out.
he's perfect!
I've been in a few LDR's and the best way to make them work is to meet up as much as possible... writing in the post is always cute and if your guy is anything like mine, he'll really appreciate it!
As long as you trust each other fully and keep in touch daily, everything should be fine.
However these relationships are hard and it's horrible when you know that he's upset and you can't even give him a hug...
Helplessness is a feeling you may have to get used to...
Good luck to you both!
And I hope the year goes well for you =D
P.S! Keep a positive attitude about this relationship. there's nothing worse than listening to people that say "LDR's never work out" because they do... not all of them do. but then again, not every relationship works anyway!