Question
How do I get my boyfriend to INITIATE? Every time we have sex, I feel like I'm the one who starts everything. How do I get him to be the initiator and do any of you have advice on how to get him to be more 'aggresive' without sounding pushy or critical?
;){kind=link}
don't say anything at all- if he doesn't do anything ask: are you gonna bang me or am I gonna bang you? if he avoids- then he shouldn't be your BF to begin with...
Most likely he expects you to start. So try to hold off and don't start for a couple of days and see where that goes. If nothing happens, which I guarantee something will happen cuz it will make him wonder what's going on?, then you talk to him. :) Hope this helps...
y u wnt him 2 start.......u guyz r nt separated........u both r one.......thn wht makes d dfrnc.............dnt stop ur felng 4 him.........show him....as much as posssible..........or u still wnt him 2 start.....thn u shud ask him clearly............
You should learn English before you try to give anyone advice. Its all gibberish.
Dislike.
haha
right on :D
Well, (for me) 1-it's kind of a self-confidence thing. If he doesn't initiate, then maybe he's not finding me sexually attractive. 2-she shouldn't have to do all the work. Maybe the guy should romance her sometimes.
Again, just from my experiences
Wow! Terrible advice going on here. Look, guys are NOT mind readers so please, please, PLEASE do NOT expect him to "get the hint" when you suddenly stop initiating the sex. If anything, it'll worsen matters by making him wonder if he did something wrong/you're angry or if you're no longer interested in sex or worse no longer find him sexually appealing.
I hate to say this because I'm not a fan of manipulation, but that's the trick here. If there's one thing every woman needs to realize is that men LOVE having their egos stroked, not to mention they like it when we tell them what we like when it comes to sex (where the good spots are, what moves turn us on, how amazing it feels when he does that thing with his tongue/fingers). Men like to be informed of what pleases a woman (especially one he cares for).
Oye! Rambling....I apologize. What you can try (if you wish to be a little coy about it) is bringing up the issue in the form of a sexy dream or maybe a hot scene in a movie like, "oh I had this dream that I was cooking dinner and you just came up behind me and started kissing my neck, and pushed me up on the counter top, etc etc" go into detail and gush over how hot it was and how much fun that would be to try and if he could spring sex up on you like that. Sure it's not totally straight forward, but watching/hearing you talk about it may spark something. Or just be forward with him, say you think it's hot when he intiates sex, you like when he takes control and how hot he looks when he's on top (which is a dominant position I suppose you could say). And Hell, if you think he'll go for it, discuss handcuffs or tying yourself to the bed and allowing him to do whatever he wants to you; that might clue him in (have you both just recently started having sex together? If so, then I think once he realizes he doesn't have to "make love" to you/be a "gentleman" in the sac all the time, he'll loosen up). Good luck! :D
Excellent Advice!!!!! My boyfriend and I tell each other often in detail what we'd like to do at that moment or when we're getting together next. It tells the other what you like without being demanding or making him feel like he's not meeting your needs. It also creates anticipation which is all part of foreplay. I also strongly agree that he maybe trying to be a gentleman and make love to you... if you start talking a little dirty then most likely he will reciprocate and loosen up too :)
I agree! Excellent advice! I strongly agree with the fact that he may not want to overstep his bounds when it comes to making the first move. He may be unsure of when you really are "in the mood" or not, and doesn't want you to feel like he's "forcing" you. Also, maybe just telling him you want him to "be a man" once in a while and initiate things might just make it personal for him. Sometimes when I really want it and don't want to initiate outright, I just start trying to please him. Get him to the point where HE wants it more than you! He'll make the next move, I promise you!
Finally, a girl who understands that guys don't take hints. Girls seem to be naturally more subtle than men, and therefore, can understand each other when a hint is given, but to give that sort of advice to other girls when dealing with a guy, well... that's just setting someone up for failure. My friend and I speak about our sexual relationship all the time. He asks me what I'm up for, I respond, and ask if he's willing to do such-and-such, and we come up with a list of things that we can experiment with. Talking to your guy about sex isn't something to avoid. It makes for a healthy relationship.
When my friend and I first started being physical with each other, he wouldn't even take off his pants. It took awhile for him to realize that I wasn't going to freak out and say he was taking advantage of me if he wanted to have sex. Some guys are terribly afraid that they're going to scare you off if they initiate. You just have to talk to them and let them know you're in it for the long haul, and you aren't some timid little girl who's going to cry rape if it gets a bit rough. It's not every girl who's down for that sort of thing, and he probably sees you as being something beautiful and delicate (which is half true), so he doesn't want to ruffle your feathers. But then again, where's the fun in that?
I have this issue with my boyfriend. He claims that I want sex way more than him, so he doesn't have the time to initiate. I'm always the one giving out hints and making the first move. I've come to realize that men don't always want sex as much as we think they do, so are you wanting it a lot? If not, then maybe you should talk to him. Ever since I've had that talk with my boyfriend, he's been initiating it a lot more and making more first moves, but that's because I've been holding myself back from him. I've been holding myself back simply because I want him to go for it for once instead of me and that's the only way he will.
I have been married awhile, so I can definately say I am no stranger to sex! my husband is the same way, so I can seriously relate.He likes me to initiate it. I can understand how this can get frustrating, but these type of guys do have "on" buttons to start it themselves. It took me nearly 7 years just to find my husbands "on" button! :) His "on" button happens to be when I tell him I am going celibate, and I am never having sex again (which is definately not the case, because I love sex) then he wants to prove me wrong. Ok, yeah, silly game we have going, but, it works, and it is kinda fun. He definately wants to tap that honeypot just once more before the lid is sealed.
With that said, your boyfriend may need to dress up a bit, or you may need to. Some dudes have fetishes, and so it takes that object to really get them in the mood sometimes.
My husband wants me to be the maid at some point. oh yeah, silly, but it is a fantasy in his head. I am trying to get him to do the Police Officer. He is working on that, not to mention his own career of becoming an Officer! LOL
Hot haha
Often a guy is afraid of putting his girl off if he initiates. Think about all the stuff guys hear about "all a man wants is sex". Talk to him about how you want him to make the first move. All he really needs to know is that its OK, and he will....
OMG I am totally had the same issue not too long ago. Like my ex would never do anything!! It was driving me nuts. I finally found out that he didnt do anything because he wasnt sure about what I wanted. But then there was this other guy I was seeing (two dif times mind you) and he used to initiate then it stopped and I was doing it ALL the time. It felt like he wasn't interested anymore... but apparently they do have moods where they want it and when they dont.
And how does a girl get more: I want this this and this ( all sexy and stuff) with out being a spaz or shy? And talking sexy, or being a bitch to the guy over a text or something? I would love information on that!! PLEASE....on just tips in general. My ex had me winded down while this other guy had me winded up. SO now I'm back to being miss shy when I was miss go get him (to a point). What can you do to gain confidence?
Talking to your guy shouldn't be that hard. I know it can be a little difficult to bring up sometimes, but just find a time when it feels right. Does he ever talk to you about what he likes? If so, take the opportunity there. You won't come off as a spaz if you just say "You know, I really like it when a guy..." or "I'd like to try such-and-such sometime. What do you think about that?" Make it so it seems like a group decision, and that he does have some say in the matter. Let him suggest things, too. Say it face to face in you're comfortable with that, so he can hear the tone in your voice, and understand that you are just trying to spice things up. Who knows, he might want a little change, too.
You can, if you guys are in an appropriate situation, get close and whisper things in his ear, or something equally sexy. Sometimes the confidence just comes with the action.
:) I like your advice Emma. You're brilliant.
hmm I do know things he likes...actually alot lol. But I just sometimes dont have the confidence when it feels likes hes not interested anymore. I have a really hard time pulling off the bitch routine because thats not who I am. I know he really likes it though (fetish turn on here) and I'd like to do that for him. And he always does things I like or want after I start everything. Im not sure if he's waiting because he's not in the mood until I do something or what. Sometimes Im really into it and I dont have that shyness anymore and it drives him wild so I know he loves it. But when Im "getting" into the mood I get all shy and cant think. That what I want to know about fixing...and that ear stuffs works wonders =D
Get exfoliating gloves. And get him to shower with you. Rub his back, then let him rub yours. there is nothing more exiting for a guy to have a sexy back infront of him. touching it.
touch his penis with your behind.
that should do the trick.
(;
make him want it. be sexy. tease him.
I had that problem with my ex.
It is cute that they are considerate but annoying at the same time.
Deprive him for a while then he will want it.. A LOT.
Be sexy in vague ways like wear a sexy dress/lingerie.
About the rough/aggressiveness, you are going to have to tell him that you like it that way he will either comply with that or he just doesn't like it that way/can't be rough enough which can be disappointing.
Good luck.
If sex isn't doing it for you with that guy, there is plenty fish in the sea :).