i know what you mean. my boyfriend and i just broke up because he moved to england but he's going out and partying and drinking every night and he says we still need to be friends but it all puts me off wanting to talk to him, i don't wanna know about his new life of drinking and girls either...and it's really hard.

i know what you mean. my boyfriend and i just broke up because he moved to england but he's going out and partying and drinking every night and he says we still need to be friends but it all puts me off wanting to talk to him, i don't wanna know about his new life of drinking and girls either...and it's really hard.

it's difficult to deal with, but i find that when i just smile, and think of the fun times we had, and if being friends is what left of it, then that's still cool. difficult yes.. but to me id prefer having a friend and getting over those types of obstacles then losing them completely. i found the more i spoke with my ex the better i was at being his friend then his actual girlfriend. it DID take awhile.. but it was worth it. may not be right for you.. but we dated long term. so i get it.

post breakup is really hard and it hurts even if you are the one who dumped the other one. what i find that works is space. you need time to let your heart recover and your mind forget. he will always be spacial for you but for now you need time to collect yourself. it can range from a few months to a year, no need to rush. once you feel that you've moved on and your heart is healed, you guys can start talking again and be friends. i always ask for my space and tell them i'm here for them when they need someone to talk to, but to not call me just to catch up, remember, you need your time. for now its worked for me and my ex's and we have even been able to become great friends :) i've been in a new relationship now for 9 months, talking to my ex's is cut to a minimum since no one like to hear that your gf/bf talks with their ex but the bond between you guys continues as friends and makes everyone feel more comfortable

Personally, I think it's better to cut the ties and move on... accept that your relationship is over and shift your focus on yourself, your family, your friends, and your job (or school). No phone calls, no emails, no sms (texting) -- clean break. When you feel like contacting him, contact one of your friends instead. Plan Girls Night Out on the weekends. Trust me, after 30-days you will start to feel better. Over time you can be friends, but I feel like it takes a long time for that... depending on how you handle the healing process. If he just wants to be friends, know that he's moving and not sitting around. It's also a convenient way for him to keep you close while he's out doing his thing. Cut the ties. Move on. And you go do your own thing too. Live your life and have fun with it. You will see everything come together for you as time goes on. 30-days, no contact, try it, and let me know how you're feeling. miss.charisma@gmail.com

after two and half years with someone , I moved to Ireland to pursue an M.A , my boyfriend broke with me after 8 days. Because we were in Manchester but he's originally from Spain he's moving back to Spain in March. i won't lie I miss him him horribly and we still email each other everyday and I went to visit him last month and will see him again probably, I'll only be able to move on properly when he goes away. For now all I can do is carry on with my life and focus on the good things. I do my crying in my own time and then have an ace time with my friends. If the his personality is good enough for friendship they you will be friends. But time is a healer, it's just different for everyone.
Be strong, hard at the start but easier as it progresses

From experience, I'd say cut all ties with him.
Block and delete him out of your life until you're over him, or it's just going to be a repetitive cycle of heartbreak.
I dated a guy for two years, and it took me over a year to fully accept our breakup and move on, because I kept talking to him, and thought maybe we'd get back together and be happy.
Needless to say, that did not happen.
Also, if you meet someone new, it might make them uncomfortable that you have a close friendship with someone you loved for so long, which will make dating harder on you.
Trust me, there are a lot of better guys out there, you just have to look.
Go out and have fun with your girl friends, because that's what I miss when I'm in a relationship !
Being single has a LOT of benefits ! You just have to have an open mind :)
Try learning something new, socializing, and making time for people you haven't seen in a while,
life's too short to waste upset over a guy.
The average person only has 3900 saturdays in their life, so live it up hun !
♥

Anyone can give you an advice, but its really up to you on what you want to do. Try to look at yourself internally and view what went wrong, what needs to improve from you. Look at yourself as an individual and how you were before knowing him. Look for your true worth for what you are. At first, we are in denial but time does hit us with the truth and eventually will accept.

Try catching up on you, what do you like, what do you see of yourself...Spend time at the gym or working out outdoors, catch up with your girlfriends, BUT DO NOT CALL HIM, ANSWER HIS CALLS!! Remember your weakness becomes his strength do not allow that. It's his loss. Close that chapter from your lfe and move on..

Break all ties. No contact for at least 90 days. Remember it's called a break up because it's broken. Move on. Staying in a broken relationship with someone who doesn't want to be there is only wasting precious time. Your precious time that is! Put the energy into you and the person who deserves you.

I'm going through the same thing. After 22 years of marriage, we've been apart for 4 years. He always tells me that he hasn't had enough time to decide whether he wants to come back, so I keep hoping & living my life in an unhappy limbo instead of moving on. I know I need to put a final end to our non-relationship of 4 years to be happy again, but it's hard to do. On one hand, I tell myself that things might just work out eventually. On the other hand, nothing seems to be changing & I don't want to go on living this way...no commitment, not sure if I'm really loved, getting older all the time while I wait seemingly forever for what may be nothing.

it's really hard and it's even harder when you've been dating for so long!!! omg!!! i agree for at least a while you should keep him out of your live give yourself time to think time to just be with yourself have fun with your girlfriends you probably have lost touch with them and then when the wounds are healed or yo just feel better about the whole thing get back in touch maybe you can become good friends... luck!!! =)

It was rare I ever talked to my exes after a break up, I have had a few. and, they were 6 months or longer on at least 5. One guy who I was with for a year I had suspected cheated on me. that was awkward, but I did talk to him. We just decided it was better to stay apart, (expecially because he didn't want to admit he actually was sleeping with someone who was TRYING to be, and trying to act like a friend, ha ha! always thought she was a flake. anyways, It was good riddance to rubbish. It is always easier to break it off with someone for good when they do something evil to you, and you can see them as a speck of dirt. Then, you can walk away with your head held high. Some ex boy friends actually have the audacity of fantasizing friends with benefits. how sad this actually is!
glad I am married now, and not involved in those ridiculous games single people play with each other. rejection is hard though. I suggest getting a system down and prepare. (sigh)

I found this link helpful. I was in a relationship for six years, which I ended, and it was difficult to handle, but this was helpful in giving me the steps to move on with my life and become used to NOT being in a relationship like I was so accustomed to for so long.
http://www.ehow.com/how_5501020_survive-traumatic-break-up.html
Hope it is helpful.

Been there got the T-Shirt on this one I'm afraid. My ex and I broke up in April after more than 7 years together. We have a house together and although he has moved out, all of 'our stuff is still here with me and I feel like I'm drowning in all of it. He's told me he loves me and always will but that he can't go back. We moved 200 miles from my home town to his for his job and so 95% of my support network is back home.....he still pops round to cut the grass, he fixes my car for me if it needs it, he looked after me after a recent hospital stay etc etc. He is so nice whenever I see him, but in the last few weeks he has started seeing someone else ( a girl he works with who I always had my suspicions about)
Until this house is sold and I can move home I will never fully move past this, because he is always around me,and having just turned 30 and finding myself single is bloody terrifying. I have even been to counselling about this and my therapist says its like a bereavement...only he chose to leave and he keeps coming back and showing me how lovely he is, so I feel like I am losing him again and again. But there is a part of me that always wants him to be in my life because he was my best friend. It feels like a hopeless situation because i still love him so much.........i too wish that i could go and hibernate for a while and wake up when my heart has healed..best of luck to you xxx

just tell him your not ready to be friends. he should respect that and leave you alone till you decide what your want. but you always run the risk of when you want to be friends he doesnt.
after me and my ex broke up i told him i need time to get over him, and when i ws ready to be friends we could talk. so got over him and tried talking to him and he was very cold towards me. i didnt know if it was because of his gf or he just didnt want to be my friend, but im over him and with an amazing guy now.

I had something like this happen. Though it was nothing like 4 years.... I found it was easier to just not talk to him. Keep yourself busy. Don't think about him. And once you have found someone new, or moved on... Then the friends thing is much easier.

I had something like this happen. Though it was nothing like 4 years.... I found it was easier to just not talk to him. Keep yourself busy. Don't think about him. And once you have found someone new, or moved on... Then the friends thing is much easier.

urgh. i hear ya ladies. i was with my bf from early college to just 2 years ago, so about 5 years total. we were totally in love, lived together for 3 of those years, and grew up a lot together. in reality, we were totally enmeshed.
when i started grad school i began to feel trapped, since i had not experienced anything by myself, or dated any other people, and i was his sole support system. we ended up breaking up, with the idea that we would experience life by ourselves for a while and then possibly get back together when we finished school. this was mainly my doing, as he wanted to stay together. unfortunately for me, this meant him meeting someone else and falling in love with her. they've been dating for over a year now, and are pretty serious.
it has been 2 years now since our break up, and i still regret what happened every single day. it has taken a lot of work (and some rather embarrassing calls/emails to him on my part) for me to realize that NO contact is really the best idea. i promise.
all of our situations will be different- but the common thread is hurt and sadness, with a little regret and anger thrown in. only cutting ties will allow you to heal on your own and spend time with yourself so that, in the future, you'll have a better idea of what you want and won't repeat the same mistakes.
at this point i'm not sure if i'll ever be able to be friends with my ex again- we just hurt each other too much. i would like to think so, but i'm just not in that place of being able to feel happy for him with someone else, so it's just not a good idea. but maybe someday. right now i'm just trying to work on me, stop beating myself up for the past, and concentrate on the lovely relationship i'm in now.

I know exactly how you feel..me and my boyfriend broke up after 4 years this time last month. It was so sudden as only 2 days before we were talking about getting a flat. He then get a new girlfriends 5 days later. He keeps calling me drunk telling me he wants to be friends and still really cares about me. I really do want to be friends with him but know it is so wrong. All my friends have told me to cut ties completely but personally, I would rather hold on for as long as I can, even if it is just as friends. Until you experience it yourself you have no idea how it actually feels. End of the day babe you have to put yourself first and do what you think is best for you!