GirlsGuideTo | Question: Hello ladies! I've never really shared my...

Hello ladies! I've never really shared my personal problems with anyone before, but right now i'm really confused about where I stand with this guy that I really like. I have no clue what to do or think at this moment. We have known each other for a little over 4 years and have gone out on dates over then years. The attraction is there both physically and otherwise. He has also been there for me whenever I've needed him. Out of the 4 guys that I have dated, he is the only guy that has appreciated me as I am. He hasn't tried to change me as far as I know. About 3 weeks ago he asked me out and he said that this time around he wanted something going towards a long term relationship. Everything was great and I was happy again after a long time. However, about a week after he said something to the effect that he wasn't too sure about where things would be going and he didn't want to break my heart later on, and that we should just stay friends. I told that it was ok with me, but that I was a bit hurt. He apologized for his behavior. We still talked here and there. He then invited me to his birthday about a week ago. It was a very last minute invitation, but I still decided to go since he had been to my birthdays ever since we have known each other. He was very surprised to see me there, and he introduced me to his friends. To his close friends he introduced me as his girlfriend. However, he was a bit drunk by that time. Before I left the party he told me that he was sorry he couldn't spend more time with me because he had to play the "good host" and that he didn't want to loose me. After all this happened, I asked some of my friends about what I should do, and they basically said that I should just step back and have him contact me, or that I should meet him up and have a talk with him and get things straightened out.

I seriously don't know what to do. Any advice would be helpful. What I feel for him, I've never felt for any other guy. I don't want to loose him. Sorry about the long question, I thought that I should get everything out there for better understanding.

Comments

Posted by Katey Kelly on June 18, 2011 at 7:29 PM

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I would wait for him to come to you. Guys love the chase and you don't want to make it easy for him if you're making all the first moves. I recently got really hurt by a guy because we were going out on dates together for awhile, but never really made it official, until one time he just stopped texting and calling me. I tried to make all the first moves and felt so STUPID and desperate when I realized he had so many other girls and didn't even care about me. I make the guy try now and work because us girls deserve to be a princess. Here's a good quote: "If a man wants you nothing can keep him away, if he doesn't want you nothing can make him stay." It reminds me that if a guy wants me they'll definitely try. Don't wait around like a little puppy dog either though. Move on girl! Go out and have some fun with your girls and forget him.

Posted by Harriet Collins on June 16, 2011 at 1:42 PM

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I agree with Suburban Princess! Move on!! It's been 4 years and he still doesn't know what he wants?! It seems obvious to me (and I do apologise for being so blunt about it) but what he wants is not you, otherwise he would have you by now. Right now you're just this little puppy following him around doing his bidding whenever he wants. He calls, you come running. He tells you to jump, you ask how high.

Date other people and find out just how real men can be appreciative of your company and not mess you around.

Posted by Suburban Princess on June 11, 2011 at 10:55 AM

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This is where so many women go wrong...they ask other women for advice about men. Why dont you ask a male friend about it?

After consulting my husband my advice is to date other people and let him go. If he wants you he will come back fighting for you. Dont give him this kind of power over you and dont give him any indication that you have given it a second thought. He doesnt know what he wants and that's ok with him as long as you are sitting there waiting for him to make up his mind.

Move on, be seen out and about with other people and he will figure out if he likes that or not. In the meantime you might meet someone a lot better.

Posted by Anonymous on June 10, 2011 at 2:34 PM

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Thank you all very much for helping me out with this. I'll let you know how it turns out!

Posted by Anonymous on June 10, 2011 at 1:11 PM

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Yeah, I say talk it out with him and clear the air. You're obviously confused, so you need to let him know that and set things straight, even though it might be a little tough to bare it all like that cause it might leave you vulnerable, at least you'll get things settled. If you are too scared to talk to him about it though, then my suggestion is let him come to you, and when he does that's when you need to clear the air or decide to get over him. If he really wants to be with you and really cares for you, he shouldn't be stringing you along like this. And if he's the one that's scared of getting hurt or hurting you and getting some sort of unwanted reaction from you when that happens, well, that's another thing to talk about and reassure him that it won't happen, but only if you know it won't happen.

Posted by Anonymous on June 10, 2011 at 12:57 PM

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definitely meet him and sort it out...guys,good guys who understand you and stay by your side throughout the years are hard to find. i had same problem with my best friend,well now he is but now it is too late as we both moved on,so try to get it solved before it is too late. the only one who can give you answers is the guy so wait a little for when you are ready to talk to him and go ahead,you got everything to gain if you do so

Posted by Jess Segeberg on June 10, 2011 at 12:54 PM

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My suggestion is to sit down with him and talk to him about it. Tell him what you think, and how the back and forth thing is making you feel. Discuss it with him, and then step back and let him make a decision.