Question: Hi ladies. My boyfriend and I have...

This is the OP. Thanks for your responses everyone, I really appreciate your input. I can't propose to him--we talked about that and he said he wanted to do it. I figured the pressure would have something to do with it. I just needed to get it out there and make sure I wasn't going crazy. I'm going to have a talk with my family and ask them to let up on the marriage stuff so I don't feel pressured and let it out on him. I'm going to wait and see what happens after that.

STORY OF MY LIFE!!! been together for over 4 years & living together 4 years next month & still nothing.
i can totally relate on..."He keeps saying he'll do it "one day". I'm starting to feel somewhat depressed about it. I'm getting signals from everyone. I don't think I can leave him--I love him so much, but marriage is important to me too."
& i don't want to be the one to propose, i won't. i want him to ask me because he wants to...not just say yes because i asked.
good luck!!! :-/

It might be the pressure that's the problem. I worked with a guy that had bought the ring and everything for his girlfriend but everyone kept telling him how he should propose, which made him not want to. He wanted to do it his way and have it be a surprise. Maybe ask everyone to just lay off a bit and see what happens.

I think it's all a matter of time and perspective. Some guys take longer than others before they propose and some guys feel that they shouldn't have to get married. He could be waiting for a variety of reasons. Maybe he's waiting until you have enough saved up, maybe he wants to talk to your parents first, maybe he's waiting until he finds the perfect ring. You could try having another sit-down with him, and let him know a timeline of when you figured you'd be married. (For example: you want to be married by 26 and start having kids by 28.)

Personally, my husband and I first starting dating with no expectations for a long-term relationship. A year later we were living together and a year after that we had a conversation about maybe getting married and during the conversation we kind of assumed it would happen eventually so we set a date. There was no romantic proposal. I didn't get a ring right at that moment. He did ask if I "wanted to maybe get married soon". We got married on our three year anniversary and have been together for 5 years now. Every relationship is different. You don't always have to follow the norm to be happy.

You know, you could always just propose to him. I know it's not very romantic for you if you do it, but if you really want to marry him either ask him or talk with him about how you feel. If you don't want to propose to him, though, then just talk with him again. It's kind of hard to not seem like you're not pressuring him, but that could also be another reason why he's not asking. Maybe he is feeling too pressured by your desire for it. It depends on how much you're pushing him to marry you, I guess, how often you bring up the subject. Since you've talked about it, it sounds like he does want to marry you, but maybe he doesn't think of marriage the same as you do, so maybe he's not ready to be married yet. And maybe he does want to give you the big proposal and a big wedding, and maybe he feels like he can't give you those yet, so he's putting it off. There could be a number of reasons why he hasn't done it yet even though he wants to.

My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years, but within the first six months he was the one that started talking about marrying me and having kids and stuff. I don't think about that stuff the same way I'm sure other women do. Most other women want that kind of stuff, but I have a strong belief that most marriages fail because that's what statistics show, so for me I'm gonna wait as long as I possible can to be absolutely sure that I'm not gonna promise my life to someone that's gonna destroy it and break their vows. He just wants to marry someone he loves. I don't really want to ever have a child of my own because childbirth freaks me out and I don't feel like I should be pressured into going through that pain if I don't want to. He wants his own kid. We have differing views, which is probably why he hasn't proposed yet even though he still talks about it. I also set a age limit for myself that I won't be married until 27 at the youngest and, if I ever do have kids of my own, it's not gonna be until I'm 30 at the youngest. So, I'm very specific with this.

It really does just sound like you need to talk to him about how you're feeling though, and don't let other people stress you out by telling you that you should get married to him sooner than both of you may be ready to. That's normally what starts a bad marriage anyway, forced marriages, shotgun weddings. Besides, if it's really that important and he's just not ready to be married, then be engaged for a few years until you are ready. Then at least you have a solid commitment to each other. My sister was with her boyfriend for 5 years before they got married and they were engaged twice. They got engaged first after two years, then realized they weren't as ready as they thought that they were, so then they broke it off, but didn't break up with each other, and then at 4 years they got engaged again and in the 5th year they got married. Now they've been together for 7 years, but they're not planning on having kids anytime soon. They've had their share of troubles, but they've made it through.

I think you should either talk to him about how you feel, propose to him yourself--though that might be a lot of pressure for him--or wait for him to propose to you and ignore the stress other people are placing on you. Tell them that it's your life, not theirs, and that they are really not helping the situation, in fact they're making it worse because when someone is pressured to do something that they're not ready for, the natural thing to do is back away from it. So if there's no pressure and things have space to pan out naturally, then it will happen. Sorry if I rambled a lot. I hope this helped. Good luck. 8]