Question: Is he only interested in sex?

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Posted by Anonymous on January 29, 2013 at 6:30 PM

I’m dating someone and I hope it turns into something special. However, sometimes I feel that he’s more into moving things along sexually than getting to know me. I told him I wasn’t ready to sleep with him yet and he still seems interested. Maybe I’m over thinking it?


Let me start out by saying that I’ve got a major issue when it comes to guys who are blatant about pushing your sexual boundaries. From my experience, if it seems like he’s only interested in sex, he’s probably only interested in sex. So it might not be that you are over thinking things. Maybe it’s your gut telling you that something isn’t right...

It’s absolutely true that men are motivated by sex much more than women are. When we meet a great guy, we often start wondering if he could be “the one.” When a guy meets a girl he likes, he’s probably wondering how long until he sees her naked. It’s not a problem that they’ve got sex at the forefront of their brains. The problem is with guys who can’t control it enough to get to know you on other levels.

A man who is genuinely interested in spending time with a woman will not make sex the primary focus of his pursuit. Yes, he’ll be thinking about it, but he won’t try to push you sexually. He certainly won’t cause you to question whether or not that’s the only thing he’s interested in.  He’ll be perfectly happy to spend time with you that doesn’t include groping your ass or saying inappropriate things. 

Let’s get this straight, however: Quality guys who are interested in you will want to have sex with you and they will almost always be good to go as quickly as you are. They may even, from time to time, make a sexual joke or innuendo while out with you. That is a lot different than the guys who seem to be primarily focused on sex. The first group is guys acting like guys. The second group is guys acting like pigs. And no woman with an ounce of common sense should waste her time on them. 

After paying attention to what a guy talks about and how much he seems to push you sexually, what else can a woman do to figure out if a guy really likes her or is just looking to get laid? That’s easy!  She should wait to have sex with him. Waiting allows you time to figure him and his intentions out. And if he disappears because you don’t have sex with him right away? Well, you’ve gotten your answer.  

I think it’s great you’ve told this guy that you’re not ready to do the deed.  I also think you have a right to be wary of him and if I were you, I’d definitely be skeptical, too.  Let him prove that he’s interested in you outside of the bedroom and make sure there’s a solid foundation on which to build a relationship.  Anything less will only set you up for heartbreak.


Jenn Clark is a relationship advice expert and author of the book “How to Be a Goddess (A Step-by-Step Guide to Becoming the Woman Men Dream About…).” You can find it on her Facebook page or on Amazon.com.


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