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Question: How do you handle falling for a...

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Posted by Anonymous on September 15, 2009 at 10:42 AM

How do you handle falling for a good guy friend whom you've know for a couple years? There's good chemistry between us, but I don't know how to further the relationship without scaring him off.

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  • Posted by Anonymous on October 8, 2009 at 10:30 AM
Well consider this: is your friendship worth ending as well as a relationship? My best friend dated one of her best guy friend. He ended the relationship after about a month. Now their friendhship is basically over. She wants to talk to him as a friend but it hurts too much.
I have a rule of thumb for friends that I find myself attracted to: is it worth ruining a friendship? or is he going to be the one I want to talk to when I'm having a bad day?
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  • Posted by Anonymous on September 28, 2009 at 3:10 AM
although you could work really well together theres also a chance that you'll always be wary of what the other person is doing if you've been really close friends before. personally speaking i know more about my best guy friend than is probably healthy, we could quite happily spend all our time together and he's the only person in the world that can fix anything for me with a hug. So although on paper it may seem a good idea and it seems like you feel that there may be something else there it may not work out in real life especially if you know everything about their previous relationships/sex life.....i know that if me and my best friend were to get together that i know things about him that would make me uncomfortable in a relationship with him and after asking his opinion he said he'd be the same about me....so it would take a lot of adjusting to
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my friend who is a guy told me this.

If you're afraid to tell a friend how you really feel about them and they make it awkward or ignore you, are they really that good of a friend? A friend is someone who will always be there; nothing should change that.
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  • Posted by Leashie V on September 26, 2009 at 12:07 AM
Hey girl
I am facing the same scenario. I'm in love with my guy friend too. The best thing to do is talk to him about your feelings... casually. Don't get all I love you in his face, that might creep him out. But ask him what he would think of you two being a couple...so if it doesn't work...i mean at least that awakward moment is out of the way...and you can still be friends.
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I would go for it...I just recently ended up in a relationship with someone I had been friends with for about six years, and I couldn't be happier. And someone had posted above about doing that with her fella's friend, well my current boyfriend is friends with my ex that I was with for five and a half years, but he was not that greatest...however they are still friends. But at least bring it up to this guy because you never know!
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  • Posted by Katie Dixon on September 23, 2009 at 2:06 AM
well i totally understand this is a confusing situation to navigate .. i'm in the same boat.

just recently started to realize i've developed feelings for one of my coworkers, this guy has been a completely platonic, work friend who i immediately found physically attractive but never felt any serious attraction, probably because i was dating someone else at the time... but recently, after being single for a little while and realizing i've been dating the wrong guys, and after resolving only to date "good guys", i realized oh hey, he's an extremely nice person, he's got a good heart, he's already a friend and i already think he's a cool person, this could have potential.....

so after admitting to myself that, yes, indeed i do have a crush on him, i felt that strange mix of excitement and discouragement simply because .. he is a) a friend and b) a really nice, good guy but c) i NEVER go for nice, good guys d) i don't ask people out, i get asked out e) did i say i never make the first move?

so here is where my advice to you comes in, best advice i've ever gotten .. talked to two of my guy friends who are both in great, happy, committed long-term relationships with two equally lovely girls, asked them what do I do about this? and this is what they said:

1. guys dig when girls make the first move
2. when it comes to a guy who seems on the shy/reserved side, you're going to have to be the one to make the first move
3. if you like him enough to consider the possibility of dating him then you should just go for it .. you never know what you could be missing out on if you don't take a chance
4. best way to take things to the next level? -- start a casual conversation during which you bring up a mutual interest like a mutual favorite band/musical genre or maybe even a sports team you both love and then suggest going to see a show together or a game, just the two of you, NOT with a big group of friends .. it's a low stress situation because a) you both have an interest in whatever it is you'll be doing and thus, b) it will be a guaranteed good time enabling you to be more comfortable with each other and focus on turning those sparks into a flame
6. on the whole mutual interests note: according to my guy friends there is nothing better than when a woman digs the same music as they do
7. in the long run it's better to take a chance and get rejected than to miss out on a great guy because we were too scared to make the first move
8. according to all of my guy friends i spoke to about this, apparently women have all the power in relationships and they like when we take charge and make decisions and plans

so just go for it and see what happens!
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I cna relate. it's scary because it seems like you've got a good thing going and you dont want to ruin it. But the only way he'll know is if you speak and tell him. Wether it's face to face or over the phone if you want him to know then you gotta let him know.
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  • Posted by Anonymous on September 17, 2009 at 8:39 PM
I have a guy friend I've known for 6 years. And he's a couple years younger. I'm in the same situation as you. Because I'm not sure if I should tell him or leave it as it is.
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  • Posted by Anonymous on September 16, 2009 at 9:55 PM
Im so in the situation of doing stuff with my best guy friend after being just friends for 2 years. and now hes seeing another girl because after 5 months of seeing eachother he didnt want to take it any further and ruin the friendship. But now that hes seeing another girl i never talk to him or see him and it hurts so bad knowing i dont have the love of my life around anymore.
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  • Posted by Anonymous on September 16, 2009 at 7:58 PM
I've been there...liked this guy when I met him, then lost touch. 6 years later, we reconnected as friends, but it ended up going a little farther than that. I still really like him, but he ended up telling me that while he was very attracted to me, that he was too busy with school and work to get involved seriously at this point. That really hit me hard, because it's true. Once you cross that friendship boundary, there is no going back. Now we don't even talk, and it kills me, because I want him in my life, but I can't JUST be his friend. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
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