GirlsGuideTo | Question: I have two best friends in the...

I have two best friends in the whole world. One is a woman but the other is a man. I love them both more than anything, but in completely different ways.
However my best[girl] friend moved this last year and is now about three hours away, which is a bummer, but my real dilemma is that I am in love with my best [guy] friend, and have been for about three years. It slowly kills me from the inside to be around him because I know that a friend is all I've ever been to him.
I really want to tell him how I really feel, but I fear losing his friendship more than anything in my life. his friendship is really what keeps me whole, and if I tell him I'm afraid I may lose him, and I couldn't possibly live without him. I've never really felt the need to tell him before, because I'm afraid of losing him, and I’d rather be his friend forever and live through slower and milder pain more consistently, than be something more than friends for a time and then have to deal with the hurt of losing him entirely. but in the last 6 months especially I just haven't been able to contain it the way I always had before, it's to the point that if I am alone and our song comes on streams of silent tears pour down my face. So while I really want to tell him that I love him, I’m not sure how to do so without completely altering the dynamic of our amazing friendship.
At this point I am desperate for any advice anyone has to offer. Help! How do I let him know that I love him both as a friend and as someone I could spend my life with? How do I keep from losing him with my revelation?

Comments

Posted by Donatella Farinelli on December 11, 2009 at 6:58 PM

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Well, I think if you don't want to lose him - you should definitely not tell him. We are women after all and don't need to be brutally honest - we can can be cutely subtle instead. Why not find out if he likes you first - definitively - before you say anything? I know you feel passionately strong about him - but losing him would really be devastating - so hold it in check until you test the waters a bit. Think about possibly "accidentally" lightly kissing his mouth while you both are tipsy - then apologize if he reacts badly and say it was an accident. Or flirt with him - "wouldn't it be funny if you and I dated? Do you think we'd be a cute couple or a funny couple?" Just take it slow and let things fall into place. Brains always win, for the heart is too delicate to think.

Posted by Anonymous on December 7, 2009 at 2:19 PM

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This is a definitely a really tough situation..I just want to make this short. For me, when one of my guy best friends told me they liked/loved me, it made things totally awkward between us and I really pushed myself away because I felt weird knowing he really wanted to be with me and I had no feelings like that towards him what-so-ever.

Posted by Alicia Robinson on December 5, 2009 at 7:07 PM

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i say go for it. it sucks living with the question 'what if?' if you don't act now, you'll never find out.

Posted by Anonymous on November 28, 2009 at 1:10 AM

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i was best mates with a guy for 3 years, he had feelings for me at first but i had boyfrends and ex boyfrends and he was always someone i could talk to, that made me laugh and we cuddled but becuase it was comfortable.
i kissed him and we're now together for 1 year and 2 months,
u shuld probs talk to him and confront the feelings, but slowly not a full blow

Posted by Anonymous on November 15, 2009 at 1:51 PM

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i was in the same position a while back. I decided not to tell the guy, cuz i was really afraid of the rejection, and also i didn't want to lose him because we were close. but i decided not to tell him because i felt that he would probably not love me back.. he treats me differently around people then when we were alone for example..and sometimes i felt like he was just taking advantage of my feelings.. and i really didn't like that.. so i don't regret not telling him- because he clearly isn't rigth for me, allthough we are okay friends today...
i think you have to evaluate for yourself if you think he will like you back.. and even if its just a little part of you that thinks he likes you- then go for it !!! you deserve to know, all this wondering is really hard!
good luck :)

Posted by Anonymous on November 15, 2009 at 9:13 AM

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look i'm in the exact same position right now but with a little bit more of complications, but i found the courage to tell my bestfriend that i "like"( i couldn't tell him love)him, n i discovered he had feelings for me too. Anyway it dd'nt work out but for completely different reasons, i truly believe tht if situations were different it could have worked out and who knows,but we're still best friends. and if he's really your best friend he would never throw away ur frendship even if he ddnt share the same feelings.It just helps to have things out in the open n atleast he'll know, but dnt worry if he's a true friend you'll never lose him!
go for it or u'll regret it!

Posted by Anonymous on November 13, 2009 at 7:47 PM

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Im kinda the person on the other side of the relationship. My best friend had recently told me he was in love with me and had been for a while. This did not go ver well because i also have had a boyfriend for a year and a half.. but me and him are still the best of friends, we do everyhing together, and he treats me like im an angel. He is open about it and jokes around about bein in love with me and stuff, so it just goes to show you can still hve the best of both worlds.

Posted by Xenia Foertsch on November 13, 2009 at 12:58 PM

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i was in love with my best friend. i think he could have been the love of my life. he was 13 i was 12 so we were both really inexperienced and i was bullied and so pretty shy when it came to guys. i never knew that he was asking me out on a date when he did and so somehow i never had time- it was really a coincidence. i think sometimes he was trying to bring the topic up but i was so afraid of being rejected that i always never took it seriously and well yeah. then the person who had started the whole bullying thing told him some stupid lie about me- i think- and well then he kinda went away. 5 months later......him and his parents moved to the other side of the planet. so yeah tell him. else ull regret.

Posted by Anonymous on November 13, 2009 at 2:40 AM

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I fell in love with my best friend when i was 17. Yes, he was a boy! We spent two blissfully happy years together, but we both wanted different things. Im more of a party animal, he'd rather get a takeaway and get a DVD.
Even though we broke up, we still ARE the best fo friends. I always thought if we broke up, id lose my best friend. Yes it was hard at the beginning, but now, its easier.
My advice? Tell him how you really feel. Tell him you dont want to affect your friendship with him.
I hope all works out well for you!
xx