Question: I am newly married and my husband...

no. do not let him be friends with his ex's ESPECIALLY these ones that mean so much to him. BIG RED FLAG. nonono. first of all, it hurts you to hear about them. that alone says hes disrespecting you. you dont have to suffer inside to be the "cool wife". Second, what if you guys get in a fight? who is he going to turn to to vent? these bitches who are waiting for an opportunity to win him back. he will be vulnerable and maybe lonely and angry at you. they are emotional affairs. thats even more dangerous than sexual affairs. if he cant stop being friends with them if you ask him to, they mean way too much to him for him to be married to you. you, his wife, comes before them, his ex gfs. he seems to have cheater characteristics. if he doesnt want to be mean and cut off ties, then one day one is going to try to sleep with him and he is going to do it. he wont want to be "mean" and reject her, and he still likes her, even if not romantically anymore, he loves her as a person, and that is not okay.

Sorry I'm kind of late posting on this, but if you haven't already, I think you should talk to him about it. My ex would always talk about other girls around me when we were going out, and it really upset me but he never knew until I said something about it.

Ask him not to talk to you about them. Be aware of the situation but tell him how you feel, and ask that he not talk about how wonderful his ex's are anymore you want to hear about you. Look for signs of cheating when you feel insecure. But keep open, honest communication and ask for more appreciation of your feelings.

Well if he sent her an email on Thanksgiving thanking her for the good things she's helped him realize, I wouldn't take that as an offense. It's more like he's saying 'if you hadn't dumped me (or however the relationship went), I wouldn't realize that i wanted/needed more and I finally found the woman who is everything I've been looking for. So thank you for opening my eyes' kind of thing. I'd take that as a good thing. It's not like he's saying 'I wish you were a different person so I can jump your bones' which I don't think is happening.

But talking to him about what exactly makes you uncomfortable should be helpful I think. Cause everyone keeps pieces of every person they were romantic with in their heart, for good or for the bad. It's just how it is. No one can just take a magic eraser and heal/erase that person their heart after each relationship so it's something that'll always be there. He may keep some feelings, for good or for bad, but you're the girl he's with. Now if those ex's try to be rude to you or treat you like crap, then that's something else altogether

I wouldn't let it bother you that much. My partner still talks to his ex's and they're good friends with each other. All ex's know about me and I've even spoken to them on the phone (since they all live in different states that us) and he tells me how some of them were nice and cool and they got along well, ect. However, he also turns right around and says that I'm the one he wants and it's not like they'd ever date again anyway. Even if his ex's were single cause he loves me and wants to be with me.

Have you spoke with him about how this makes you feel? It's always good to be open with it. But I mean he's married to you and even if he does talk about them, he probably does it in past tense, right? If he's not pulling away from you or hiding things from you or trying to be sneaky and underhanded, I wouldn't worry about it. But i do understand your fear. I was dumped by a guy I deeply cared for.. for a booty call he met at a bus station the day before. This guy kicked me out of the apartment we were staying at (that I helped him get) and left me to wander in a city I wasn't familiar for almost 2 days so he could bang some girl. and i've dealt with other cheaters as well so I can understand how it's this deeply ground in fear.

But I learned that by sitting and talking about it, it really does help clear stuff up. Make sure to just explain that it makes you feel worried and uncomfortable. Maybe you could get to know these ex's of his. Talk to them on the phone or whatever. Cause it doesn't matter if they want him or not. He seems happy and content with you. And what if he doesn't see them as a temptation either? Just talk to him.

My opinion is it isn't okay for him to be reaching out to exes to tell them things like that, especially if he married YOU. It rather sounds to me like maybe he hasn't completely cut emotional ties to her. I for one know I would flip out if my fiance was telling his ex those things. If he's married, he shouldn't be telling other women that. I think talking with him to find the root of the problem would be best.

Ahh, yeah. This has been a hard one. It's like all his ex's brought really amazing wonderful things to him, and all of mine were jerks (nearly, and those are my words). I need to learn to communicate better, and this is probably just the issue to work on. I feel like we talked about it during the dating phase of the relationship -- generally it went ok and he seemed to get it, but he kept needing to reach out and let these people know how much they meant in his life. He sent the ex an email on thanksgiving morning telling her he wouldn't be where he was today (ie., with me in a loving relationship) ... if it wasn't for her and basically telling her that her special perspective and passion for life made him realize what he was missing, whether it was with her or someone else ... that someone else is me ... I guess I should consider myself lucky, but it still freaks me out.

she dumped him, and I guess I do worry that logically he knows it wouldn't have worked with her, but this occurrence makes me wonder if she is still very much in his heart. it just hurts. I am talking to him now and trying to realize what i am feeling.

He was open with me about it after I let him know that when I leaned over his shoulder on Saturday I saw a note from her to him. It is a hot button for me based on my past.

Thanks much for all the perspective.

:/

I can understand being married and not trusting - all we're taught in society today is adultery and not trusting anyone, especially your spouses, but yeah. I would just trust him to do the right thing. Like the girl above said: He married you, not his exes. But if ever you feel uncomfortable, you need to let him know, and if ever he says "Well, that's too bad, I'm still talking to them" then you probably need to go to counseling or something because that is rude, disrespectful, and he's trying to control you and hurt you. If it makes you uncomfortable with him just talking to them in general, don't bottle it up. You NEED to communicate with him, or else why did you get married?

He is wonderful. I really think it is my issue, but it makes me question what is really appropriate to bring into a relationship. Trust or not, I agree with the person above who said "if a man cares for you, he will remove temptation from his plate." I really don't think he will sleep with them or run off with them, I just feel hurt and the behavior cues tell me he isn't focused only on me. I am not sure what it really means for him. I am going to try to talk to him about it and reach a middle ground. I guess the hardest thing is to know if ex's can really be friends ...

He married YOU, He choose YOU. So yes the ex's brought something to his life, they made him realise what he doesn't want and that what he does want is YOU!

My last ex, who I fondly refer to as the "dickhead" taught me a lot, would I go back to him - absolutely NO! Yes we still talk, but he measures to nothing compared to what my fiance is on a really bad day. I live life without regrets, every occassion (good and bad) has something to learn from.

At the end of the day, there are 2 people in a relationship and thats you and your husband - his ex's are just that EX'S.

You know, his ex may have shared a long part of his life with him (i dont know) and many years is hard to forget and erase, but he did choose you. If it really makes you feel uncomfortable, then speak to him about it, and 9/10 he will end it because you should be the most important part of his life.

A relatioship cannot exist with honesty! good luck my girl =)