GirlsGuideTo | Question: I'm in my first year of university,...

I'm in my first year of university, and I met a great guy. We started dating, it's not two months in, and we just had a huge fight. It's been brewing for a while, he just gets into these dark moods and when I try to talk to him he makes himself into the victim and constantly emotionally attacks me.
I love him a lot, but I feel the relationship is over now, since he brought my stuff back to my dorm room then left quickly to avoid talking to me in person, he did however speak to me over msn. I want to stay with him, and I really want to talk things over but I worry that he'll just get upset and another fight will break out, which will cause us to never talk again. Another reason I want to solve this is because he lives with others that are my friends and I know it will be awkward for me to hang out and visit them after.
It's just a crappy situation that I want to solve and move on with. Any advice as how to approach him/handle the situation would be very helpful!!

Thanks!

Comments

Posted by Annie Pinnow on December 4, 2009 at 1:12 AM

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I was in a situation a lot like this. If he's treating you that way, I think its best for you to forget about a relationship. It only get's worse and soon you might really start to question whether you are the blame for all of this. Talking it out may or may not help. I tried to do that and once again, I got no explanation and it was all turned against me. I had him go behind my back and tell our friends and his family that I was a horrible person when I was actually the victim in the situation. I started avoiding a lot of people associated with him for a long time that I was friends with which really sucked. Finally I just sucked up my guts and started just ignoring him once I got over the break up. I just desensitized myself to him by being around and I found its a lot easier than I thought to be in the same room and really not have to talk to him at all. I wish you the best of luck. This is a tough situation to deal with.

Posted by Anonymous on December 3, 2009 at 7:15 PM

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I would be concerned greatly if he tries to turn things around so that he's the victim and he attacks you emotionally like that. To me, that's a huge huge red flag! I think with him bringing back your things in such a sneaky way and avoiding you, the signs are kinda clear. I would say talk to him but if he's rather put up walls and shut you out like that, then I don't think there's much to save.

But since he does room with your friends, I think something you should do (more as a way to cover your ass) is talk to them about your concerns and let them know that if you break up, it's not gonna change your relationship with them. Yeah, it'll be weird.. but he may (not saying he is but he MIGHT) be the type who'll try to talk shit about you behind your back, trying to make it seem like he's the poor helpless victim and your a cold blooded person. I've seen too many instances like that and get got ugly really quick...

good luck tho.