Question: I usually don't have problems with guys,...
Posted by Anonymous on January 11, 2010 at 5:55 PM
Four words: my best guy friend.
We've known each other since grade 2, so ten and a half years. We pretty much grew up together, but I recently went across the country to attend university. We're really close, and a couple years ago I realized that I had feelings for him. He always had a girlfriend, so I assumed that he didn't reciprocate those feelings either. I was completely fine with this, as one of my life mottos is 'It's better to have a friendship that lasts a lifetime, than a dating relationship that lasts a year." I moved on from my desires, and while I wouldn't say those feelings were forgotten, they were pushed into the back of my mind.
However, about a month ago, I found out through a text that he's thought about dating me for a while (like a year or two), but things always got in the way (namely sports and other girls). He asked me if I had been thinking the same thing, and I told him the truth. So of course, his confession took me by surprise, and made me question our relationship. I was questioning everything that we had done together (we never did anything other than what two friends would do together, so no kissings, sex, etc). Why did he buy me those things, why did had he chosen to hang out with me over his girlfriends, and why on holidays was he around at my house. Of course those answers all confirmed his statement, and as the time for me to go home for the holidays grew nearer, my nervousness grew.
I was afraid that things were going to be different. We both knew we didn't want a long distance relationship, but what if something happened in the spur of the moment? What if we did sleep together, what if he kissed me, what if I kissed him. My brain was pretty much swirling with What If''s. I was afraid that our confessions would change our friendship, or it would cause something that in turn would change our relationship.
He assured me multiple times that we would still be best friends, which calmed me down. I got home two days ago, but last night, I went out with him to the movies. We saw a good action movie, but not even half way in he put his hand on my leg. We're used to body contact, since we play fight a lot, so it wasn't the fact that he was touching me, it was the way he was doing it. It was very tender and eventually we ended up holding hands.
I'm in an argument with myself now because even though I don't want a relationship with him, I do at the same time. I could have not held his hand, but I did. And yes, I realize that its just hand holding, but both of us are really serious when it comes to relationships. If either of us show any sign that we like someone (hand holding, body contact etc) it means that we want to have a relationship, and not some fling. He's been inviting me into his life, like going to the gym with him, or spending time with his friends, which he didn't do before. It all started after last night.
I could be just blowing it out of proportion, and this could really just mean nothing, but what if it does mean something? Neither of us want it, but at the same time, I want to be his girlfriend. I'm only home for two weeks, so things, are going to happen quickly if they do. I'm not just throwing this question out here without a lot of though. Trust me, every night I've thought about us since his confession. I need help.
Is it all that bad to want him, in more than just a friend's way? Should I stand up against him more to prevent something from happening that I do and don't want to happen? And what if our relationship changes to be more than just friendship. Am I just being silly when I fear a change, but want it at the same time? What should I do if something happens between us that sets us beyond the friend line?