GirlsGuideTo | Question: Many people might judge those who have...

Many people might judge those who have even been in an experience like this, but I need some help, not criticism. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now, and I felt the love was strong. After months of feeling like things were fading, I worked hard to keep them strong. I was willing to give him everything but he kept pushing me away, but I still stayed together with him in a relationship. While I was feeling hurt and emotionally neglected, I turned to an old flame to talk to, originally intending to keep a friendship with him, because he was an amazing person. My feelings for him rekindled and now I feel strongly for him instead of my boyfriend. My boyfriend has been feeling that things have been different and now is working so hard to win my heart back, and apologize for the things he has done to me. I feel stronger for the guy I am having this emotional affair with, and he is by far more mature and understanding of me than my current boyfriend. I know it it selfish of me to feel like emotionally to keep two guys, but I'm scared to get involved with my old flame because I have to start an entirely new relationship and re-learn another person. I love both of these guys, but I don't know what to do. Should I stay and re-fix my broken romance with my boyfriend, or go with my old flame who can offer me something better than what I have?

Comments

Posted by Kirsty May on January 31, 2010 at 6:38 AM

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I would agree with most of these comments. End it with the boyfriend, and then stay single for a little while, and dont really see or contact the old flame, because only when you're apart from both of them will you realise who you want and who you want to be with. I'm speaking from experience here - I tried to keep both, by staying with my boyfriend but keeping someone else kind of at a distance but knowing that we could be something, and it turned out horribly. Also, don't worry about being selfish, mostly everyone is and you have to be sometimes, because if you don't think of yourself, noone else will think of your welfare. I don't see why anyone would judge you, people have done much much worse than you. Good luck, and I hope things turn our and you become happier :)

Posted by Anonymous on January 31, 2010 at 5:05 AM

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i would say that if your that uncertain, you might need a break from both of them, a little while in your own space to feel out who you are and what you want.
have a look at why and how you wants changed........

i mean, by all means do what feels best, but i think you should give it time, dont rush it.
and tell your current bf how your feeling, keeping it the dark is only going to cause more stress for yourself i reckon........
anyway, best of luck...... and i hope you dont feel judged at all, because that was totally not my intention.

Posted by Anonymous on January 25, 2010 at 2:32 PM

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Personally, I don't think you're being fair. You can't just say, "Hey, I met somebody better then you, bye." If you truly love your boyfriend, you would work things out, and try communicating. Have you even talked to you boyfriend, to tell him how you feel? If you haven't, you definitely should. You may like your old flame, but you said you love your boyfriend. You may just think you like your old flame, because things are rough with you and your boyfriend right now. I think you just need to think things over, and see how it goes.

Posted by Anonymous on January 21, 2010 at 11:19 PM

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i guess u need to go wid ur old flame...knowing new person is difficult but hey....once a relation is weak it never strengthens as deep as u think.....i guess ur current boyfren is doing so to get ur care back n it's not sure that he won't do it again...so better try new one coz u r feeling emotionally for him n for ur mboyfren u r feeling not to betray that's it....talk to him n leave him...try r old flame...hope it helps....

Posted by Anonymous on January 21, 2010 at 7:22 PM

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Hun u know there's a prob because you've asked for help here. You say you've worked for months to keep the relationship going, you shouldn't have to work at a relationship. My advice is try the old flame, you seem to love him still.
Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
X

Posted by Megan K on January 21, 2010 at 7:15 PM

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I know exactly how you feel, hun. This exact thing happened to me with my bf when we'd also been going out for about 8 months in the exact same way! In the end the stress of trying to jugle one from the other was taking its toll on my relationship and whatever was going on with my ex was just not going anywhere and had turned toxic because I knew i liked him but wasnt willing to cheat and really not sure it would have been the best option to break up my bf . Remember, hindsight wears rose coloured glasses, but there is always a reason why an ex is and ex and that was the main reason why I made the decision to break contact with my "old flame" to use your words :P

Don't go back to your ex, the past should stay in the past and be happily remembered there. But, your relationship with your bf was already damaged so it might be good idea to either try to work things out with him (now that hes noticed theres something wrong and seems to be putting in some effort) or take a break and spend some time with urself to work out what u want.

that's just my little opinion, for what its worth :) and just for the record, i chose to work things out with my bf and we've now been together for 3 years and I couldnt be happier

:) M

Posted by Anonymous on January 21, 2010 at 7:14 PM

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Posted by Anonymous on January 21, 2010 at 7:11 PM

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Posted by Anonymous on January 21, 2010 at 6:34 PM

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i know exactly how you feel, i just went through this with my exbf and basically he just ended up breaking up with me even after i told him i wanted him still and the other guy got a gf a day after. so if you have to make the decision, make sure you think it through or else you can end up with a broken heart.

Posted by Ineke Hulselmans on January 21, 2010 at 6:16 PM

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The fact that you talk about your old flame as someone who can give you something better than what you heve suggests to me you have alreIady made up your mind but are afraid of making the decision or you are scared of hurting the man you are with now.
Someone always gets hurt, but in the end you have to make sure you don't end up staying with someone just because you don't feel like hurting them or because you feel like you owe it to them or because it's comfortable. I doubt this will eventually make you happy.