Question: Recently I've begun to feel like my...

I've actually had this happen to me; you're not alone. About a year ago, I literally broke down, stopped doing school work, actually even failed one of my advance placement classes (I am a 4.0 student.) And to me it seemed like I just didn't care anymore. Like, everything could happen or nothing could happen but it didn't matter. As homework started building up, and as I began to lie to my teachers, the one thing that really ate at me, was myself. I was placing the weight on my own shoulders because I knew what I was doing was absolutely absurd and it wasn't me. I let everything go for one stupid thing, and I regret it now because it has seriously impacted my life. I have gotten rejected from ivy leagues I applied to because of that one grade and it's horrifying to think that I was that stupid to just let things pass by me without having any consequences. Honestly, from personal experience, the only thing you can do right now is see every day as a brand new day and go to bed with the satisfaction that you have done everything you could have during the day. Get yourself up from this downfall before you crash and begin walking forward. What I would do, is begin taking classes at the community college (and I now that this is disgusting to you, considering your potential, and your reputation, and your self-pride) but because the classes will be so easy, you'll be able to attain a job, apply for scholarships, and earn the money you need to transfer in next year. The only thing stopping you is YOURSELF... unfortunately, I found this out the hard way, but you won't have to if you begin taking baby steps out of the mess that you're in.

-I wish you the best of luck.

Wow, it feels like I wrote this XD Dude, I'm in the same boat. I have the grades to get into any college I want, but I just can't afford it. I have to go to the community college my mom works at because I'd get free tuition. It really, really sucks, I know just how you feel. But you have to realize THIS IS NOT PERMANENT. It's going to suck hard now, but THINGS WILL CHANGE. With the money you're saving in going to a community college, you can save that up and put it towards tuition to your dream school. Don't stop working your butt off just because you're not where you want to be. Go to this community school for a year or two and earn enough money to help you transfer to your dream school. Work hard to get more scholarships, and don't stop applying because colleges will throw money at you if they like you well enough. I know what you're going through, but there is absolutely no point in wallowing about it. You can't take a negative attitude into this situation, because that will just make it ten times worse. It feels like I have to settle for second best when I know I can do so much better. But you're right, the circumstances aren't in your hands. You can't fix the fact that you don't have enough money now, but you can. Just work your ass off to get scholarships and try to pick up a job. If you can, try for financial aid. I can't because we're just above the point where we don't qualify, but that doesn't mean you can't try. Just make sure the classes you take soon will transfer. Get all your core classes out of the way, and then look forward to your dream college. Set your goal and never lose focus! And don't push your boyfriend away, he's right. My boyfriend's been such a big help to me, and I would be miserable if I didn't have him to lean on. Everything will work out, I promise you. Maybe not in the way you thought, but it will. You can do it!

i can understand why you're feeling this way, this sounds like a hectic transition period for you. have you ever thought of talking to a therapist? i did when i was going through tough times & it helped more than i could have ever imagined. your bf means well but i think there are times when it's helpful to talk to someone who's impartial.

Look at alternatives. Here in Australia I wasn't able to go to university straight after high school, and became depressed about it. However I found out that I was able to go to a community college. The fees were affordable, and they offered alternatives to full upfront payment. I'm not sure if you can do the same there. Best to ask and find out. If not, maybe a loan would be the way to go? I regretted not going to uni straight after school, but now I think it puts me in a better position, workwise, so I am grateful. I was depressed through college as well. And your boyfriend is right - you will be ok! Just look at alternatives.

I had a sort of early crisis when I was about 24/25: a major breakdown. I'm 26 now. It made me realise that I needed to do something that was going to make me happy. I had to sacrifice a bit, moneywise and in my social life, but I have realised it will be ok in the long term. My friends say look to the future and be happy - it will be alright in the end.

Good luck!

I was unable to afford to go to a University when I first started college as well. Instead, I taught swim lessons at the community college, and because I worked over 70 hours a semester (which really isn’t much at all) at the college, I technically became part of the staff and they reimbursed my tuition. Try asking your community college if there is any way to get tuition reimbursement by working there. If they do have positions available, ask how you can become certified for it. Paying a few hundred for a certification class definitely beats paying several thousand for tuition, so just consider it an investment. It's easy to get overwhelmed when you're trying to find your way on your own. I'm 25 and still don't have a real job, and I’ve been catching a lot of flack for it. Unfortunately right now is an especially difficult time for us young adults. Understand that you will not be a failure for not attending college the first semester you're out of high school. Plenty of people take off a semester and work to save money for school. When I transferred from my community college, I got student loans through Direct Loans: https://studentloans.gov/myDirectLoan/index.action It's very easy, and you can talk to your school's Financial Aid department if you'd like them to set it up for you, or just want some help deciding which path is for you.
As for your borderline depression, recognize that you may have a Vitamin D (aka the "feel good" vitamin") deficiency from lack of sunlight from being indoors all winter. You may want to take supplements or just go outside and get some fresh air! You should also be getting regular exercise. When you work out, your brain gets flooded with Endorphins which give you a natural (and healthy!) high. If you work out regularly, you experience that high far more often and subsequently have more energy and feel better. Not to mention you probably won't get sick as often. Even if it's just a walk outside every morning or afternoon, you really need to get your body moving. I guarantee you'll start to feel better from that alone.
My biggest piece of advice however is to learn from my mistake and DO something about your situation instead of waiting for things to get better. If you wait for something to happen on its own, you most likely won't like the outcome. Do some research, make some phone calls, write some e-mails and get some sort of process started. Be aggressive and go after what you want. If someone doesn't get back to you when they said they would, take the initiative and get in contact with them again. They'll understand that you really do want whatever it is you were inquiring about, and they'll take you more seriously because of it. You'll start to see results.
Just understand that you are not the first high school graduate to go through this, and you certainly won't be the last. Take a deep breath, write down some ideas, go outside and take a walk while you think on them, then pick a direction and go after it. I did everything the hard way (not intentionally, but I did), but I’ve learned a lot in the process, so if you need more help/ideas/or just someone to listen, e-mail me: diane.cagle@hotmail.com
Good luck girl, you'll be fabulous and on top of the world before you know it!

i x noe if it worked 4 u....
bt reading itself gave me a little boost...now i noe im x alone in tis...
im a medical school freshman...n i tot i must b sum misfit crazy nut to have stopped studying n actually thinking of how crappy i actually feel.... bt truth is....im x crazy...none of us whom are going tru tis phase is crazy...its a challenge in part of life....we are strong....we r actually way way waaaay stronger than v think v are....n we can get tru tis phase...n we'l only get STRONGER...

Aww sweetie, I know exactly how you feel, and I get it all the time, too.
Here's what I do:
1. Run or do yoga. The exercise increases endorphins, which make you feel happy, while the methodical running or breathing will help you work out your stress/anger.
2. If you drink coffee, switch to tea. I used to drink around 3 cups a day on average, but when the stress really got to me I would switch to tea. If you're not used to tea, you may have to try several kinds before you actually like it.
3. Get at least 6-7 hours of sleep each night. More sleep = less time to worry.
4. Bitch to your girlfriends! That's what they're there for.
5. Remember that you're not alone in these feelings. Almost everybody gets them, and almost everybody gets through them. You have to stay positive, and if that doesn't work you may be clinically depressed, at which point you will need to visit a psychiatrist for antidepressants.

I'm a high school freshman and already I have more worries than my entire family combined. But I have learned ways to deal, and so can you.
You are NOT alone. You are STRONG and SMART and you can do WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH YOU LIFE.