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Question: My fiance and I have been together...

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Posted by Anonymous on April 8, 2010 at 3:15 AM

My fiance and I have been together for 3 years. We broke up at the beginning of our 3 year mark because, mutually, we felt that we wanted to experience life with other people. Turns out that he was able to move on and started hanging out with this other girl, while I was finding it extremely hard to move on. Then three weeks after we broke up, he called me and told me that he couldn't do it. He couldn't live without me. I find it so hard to believe that because he was messing around with someone else only a few days after we broke up. They never had sex, and they don't even talk anymore, but after we got back together, things changed. We used to fight ALL the time and, thankfully, we don't as much anymore. BUT we don't communicate as much either. If I ask him a question, he gives me short answers and I feel so distant from him. I don't know if he really did miss me, but he sure has a funny way of showing it. I try talking to him and telling him that we need to work on our relationship TOGETHER, but he thinks he is trying and gets upset. I don't know how to talk to him about it without him getting mad anymore. Is there any way I could possibly hint it to him, but not subtly because he will never catch on haha. I love him more than anything, but I wish he would step back and see that he really isn't trying that hard. It feels like it's all on me and I have no idea how to get him to realize that. Thanks.

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  • Posted by Anonymous on April 11, 2010 at 5:38 PM
Oh wow, I saw this question pop up and have to tell you pretty much the same thing happened to me. My boyfriend of two years left and was messing around with another girl and a month later told me he wanted me back in his life. The only problem was that I found out more about their physical relationship as time went on (I never got the whole truth until recently) and I don't know if you're having the same problem, but I could NOT get over it. I would think about it constantly, wonder how he could mess around with another girl when I was so broken up over him.
We ended up getting back together and just recently are taking a break, and in the last month it's gotten physical between another guy and myself. It honestly finally took that for me to be able to let go what he did with that other girl during our break up because, experiencing it myself, you have to understand it was purely physical and guys are built very differently than girls are. They're taught to move on and not deal with stuff or dwell on it, whereas we overanalyze everything. So take it from someone whose still very much in love with my ex but has had a physical relationship with another guy recently. Whatever happened with the other girl did not mean to him what being with you did.
He is probably short with you & doesn't communicate because he's afraid of feeling guilty or afraid maybe that you'll start an argument. You have to find a way to tell him how you feel in a non-threatening way and talk things out calmly.
Longest post ever but I'm going through something so similar so I get what you're going through. Hope this helps :)
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I would say the same thing, it was an mutual decision and in the end he wanted you back not the other girl. Just give him some time because he might be feeling bad or something but if you continue asking him too much, possiblities are that you might lose him. Just have some hope and whatever happens happens. Hope this helps! :)
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  • Posted by Anonymous on April 8, 2010 at 9:48 AM
Just be patient with him... If the split was a mutual decision then maybe... he really wasn't able to move on, and was just trying to experience life with other people, as you guys have wanted in the first place.., In my opinion, if the guy wasn't into you anymore he wouldn't want to get back to you and is probably just seeing the new girl. But since he wanted to get back to you then maybe he really had feelings for you, you just have to show him that your relationship is still the same, and that you realy love him, im afraid if you keep on pushing him, you might lose him in the end..
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