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Question: In conversation the other day, my boyfriend...

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Posted by Anonymous on March 1, 2010 at 5:43 PM

In conversation the other day, my boyfriend said he thinks that a good relationship should not require effort, and that if he has to put in an effort, then the relationship is not worth it. This has stuck in my mind because I have heard so many times that a relationship takes effort to maintain and build and be strong. Im rather confused on this, so ladies, what is your opinion?

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  • Posted by Anonymous on September 20, 2010 at 9:01 PM
That's kind of vague. You should ask him to elaborate. Cause I get where he's coming from if he means a relationship shouldn't feel like work, like a chore or something. But at the same time a relationship is where you go to give, not take, and feel go about it. It's like if you like your job then it's not a job.
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  • Posted by Anonymous on March 19, 2010 at 9:05 AM
Agreed.
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  • Posted by Fallow on March 2, 2010 at 2:45 PM
Being compatible with someone shouldn't take work. If you have to work to like each other, then there's no point. But all the problems that come up with a relationship take work. Cause every relationship has problems, and what's the point of giving up after every problem? No one would ever get anywhere. If you're going to pull all the weight and he's just going to let you do everything, then kick him to the curb.
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  • Posted by Anonymous on March 2, 2010 at 2:44 PM
Everything takes work, including relationships.

If it is a good relationship, the work is easy and you barely notice it because you enjoy doing it; doing those little things that make each other happy, taking care of them, and having fun together. That is all work that goes into a relationship. Even the work that is less fun, such as the patching things up after a fight.

I think it really is a red flag that he thinks a relationship doesn't require work and that he won't put any effort into it.
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  • Posted by Anonymous on March 2, 2010 at 12:10 AM
I agree
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Large_uytgbgjk
u should never try to "force" a relationship if it's obviously never going to work & there's tons of problems & drama. there is a point when it's too much work & usually when u reach that point, u'll know.
BUT any relationship, yes even healthy ones, take work. most take a lot of work. sometimes it may not feel like work because u love the person & ur enjoying working to build & grow ur relationship. most even take more work as time goes by to keep things fresh & exciting.
relationships take work & both people should put in effort...50/50.
if he's not willing to put any effort into a relationship, building & growing it, making it work etc., that is a bad sign & a huge red flag in my opinion.
my boyfriend & i work at our relationship all the time & it's worth it!!! i love my boyfriend & we have an amazing relationship :)
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  • Posted by Anonymous on March 1, 2010 at 9:21 PM
its effortless at first because of infatuation so you see each other as perfect but once you see your significant other as they truly are (with flaws) then the effort to maintain the relationship has to come in. So yes, relationships do need effort from both parties at some stage.
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you get what you put in. if your boyfriend thinks relationships ont take work hes crazy
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Well of course they take some effort. Like Anonymous said, too many problems in the beginning might be a good warning sign, but every couple faces challenges and has to learn to compromise.
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  • Posted by Emma Jones on March 1, 2010 at 6:11 PM
You have to find a balance between time for yourself, time for your partner, and time for everything else, and that in itself is work. Not to mention, you have to communicate, which can be a little rocky at first.

However... I would say that it never really feels like work to me, because, when I'm in love, it's easy to do anything to keep the relationship together and smooth.
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